On the Head of a Pin
Mar. 20th, 2009 05:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tracy_loo_whoThis is, hands down, my very favorite episode of the entire fucking series. There's. I mean, I've always loved this show, stayed up late to wait for downloads and stayed up even later capslocking my fingers off, but right now. I'm so shaken I can't even capslock. I just. This is how I felt after watching BSG's "The Oath" and "Blood on the Scales" except even MORE intense because of Jensen and MISHA. So. So I think this may have actually been the best 42 minutes and 2 seconds of television I have ever watched in my life, if not for the epic then for the shippiness. it's. I am actually having trouble breathing right now, can people who don't suffer from asthma have asthma attacks?
Both of them, Misha and Jensen. Are more beautiful in this episode than they have ever been before. Ever. Which explains this epic, impromptu picspam.
This is where I first started shaking, in the very first few seconds of the episode because. I've always had a thing for Misha's profile, right, but THIS? god, I can't. And this whole part where he just walks -- purposeful and strong and majestic, somehow -- I've never known that watching someone walk could do this to me.
And this shot right here, oh, how is it possible for someone to be this beautiful? I could just weep.
This is just kind of an amusing shot. But there's nothing amusing about how tired Dean is and how... mercilessly Sam says "well, get angry!" and how he doesn't even feel bad about Pam and how he's obviously getting so impatient with Dean "holding him back" and why is Sam driving? He honestly scares me here. What happened to Sammy? Who IS this man in the car with Dean?
Well, Dean got angry, alright. Swearing at Uriel, and stepping forward all intimidatingly. And baiting Castiel ('Cas' #1!) about burning Pam's eyes out. God, he is actually angry and trying to pick a fight and it's frightening. Jensen, Jensen, you are fucking amazing. And Castiel's startled, haunted look.
Castiel: "Dean, we know this is difficult to understand."
Uriel: "And we... don't. care."
Except, by god, he visibly does care, just LOOK at him. Dean looks, too. Dean sees him caring. I. jesus.
Castiel: "Dean. You're our best hope."
Dean: "No. No way. You can't ask me to do this, Cas, not this." ('Cas' #2!)
And Castiel tries to look away, but is physically unable to. Dean? Dean is so hurt and betrayed and terrified and angry and pleading with Castiel, the one who's supposed to protect him and be his friend, and it kills me.
Dean: "You're all-powerful; you can make me do whatever you want. But you can't make me do this." Notice how he turns to Castiel at these last words, trying to act big but once again with those pleading eyes.
Castiel: "This is too much to ask, I know. But we have to ask it." Never takes his eyes off Dean at all, not even to blink.
And Dean believes him. After everything. You can see it. See him giving up.
Dean: "I wanna talk to Cas alone." ('Cas' #3!)
Castiel looks surprised and gratified that Dean has at least this small measure of trust in him, and terrified that Dean will break his resolve to steel himself. All in this one look. Oh god, Misha.
Dean: "You guys don't walk enough, you're gonna get flabby."
LOL, I love the momentary comic relief, it is MUCH needed. And Castiel's unamused brow furrow, hahahahahahaha Cas. ♥
Dean: "You know, I'm starting to think Junkless has a better sense of humor than you do."
Castiel: "Uriel's the funniest angel in the garrison, ask anyone."
fjksldfjskld LOL MISHA HOW DO YOU SAY THIS WITH A STRAIGHT FACE? OH CAS, I FUCKING LOVE YOU.
Dean: "What's going on, Cas? Since when does Uriel put a leash on you?" ('Cas' #4!) While WALKING TOWARDS CASTIEL like he isn't even meaning to do it, he's just drawn there.
Castiel: "My superiors have begun to question my sympathies."
Dean: "Sympathies?"
Castiel: "I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You."
He just... god, he almost looks like he's blaming Dean for this, and he probably is, but the pained honesty and affection is just palpable. It's too much for Dean, who can't look in the face of all of that.
Castiel: "They feel I've begun to express emotions.. the doorways to doubt. This can impair my judgment."
The way he deliberately turns away from Dean and lifts his chin so defiantly -- God, Castiel is so desperate to hang on to his emotionless resolve and Dean sees right through him.
But then Dean starts talking and moving again, and Castiel's lips part hopelessly and you can just see his turmoil under that beautiful, beautiful vessel.
Dean: "Well tell Uriel, or whoever, that you do not want me doing this, trust me."
It's his final plea, and it breaks my heart even more than his previous ones. It breaks Castiel's heart, too, he can't even look at Dean.
Castiel: "Want it? No. But I've been told we need it."
Being told things is easy, isn't it, Cas? But you don't want to dwell on it too much, because that way lies madness. and love. and they're the same thing and he knows it.
Dean: "You ask me to open that door and walk through it... you will not like what walks back out."
Nor will Dean, most importantly. Dean is going to ruin himself all over again, break himself all over again, become the thing that he loathes most, for Cas. He would do that for him. jfkdslfjklsjfls god. D:
Castiel: "For what it's worth, I would give anything not to have you do this."
It's the motherfucking truth, you guys.
And Dean knows it, and closes his eyes in resignation. Just.. take a moment to really let the magnitude of what he's about to do for Castiel sink in. Apart from going to Hell for Sam, I don't think he's ever done one thing to hurt himself more for the sake of someone else. And it's Cas. I have never, ever dreamed that a pairing that means so much to me would have this much canon support, and Kripke is giving it to us, and I don't even know what to do with myself.
Castiel's helpless protectiveness and loss and guilt here -- I mean, it's not even just the expression, it's the entire way Misha holds himself that just makes me want to cry or something ridiculous like that.
LOL @ Alastair singing about dancing with Dean. But Dean trying his damnedest to ignore him, Dean practically vibrating with how much he wants this and how much he hates himself for wanting it. Jensen. D:
Although, I mean, this scene? I don't think Jensen has ever been this deliciously, chillingly sexy before. He always sent thrills through me, but not anything like this. This is just. Gah, I can't even talk. Just look. especially at that cruel little smirk in the second one.
There is something about the way Dean takes off his jacket so slowly and with such finality that makes me go cold and hot at the same time. But all this talk of John being a hero and Dean disappointing him, and Dean fighting so hard to not let it get to him... It hurts me sort of physically.
Whoa. Whoa. Is this a Castiel expression or am I a raging monkey?
Castiel waiting by himself out here, slumped against whatever he's leaning on and listening to Dean ruin himself, fighting with himself to not give in and save Dean... D:
I don't even know how I feel about Sam anymore. At first I thought he was being protective of Dean and my heart swelled, but then I thought he was just being derisive about Dean's weakness and I got angry, and now I just... can't believe he's let himself fall this far. I mean. Really? And look at Ruby, is there ANYONE who still thinks she's just trying to help out? I can't believe she called him Sammy.
Nnnnngh.
I can't decide who this is hurting more, Dean or Castiel. :(
Anna. :| But, on the bright side, Castiel! I wonder, though, who Anna called in favors from if Castiel's still got orders to kill her...
What a way to go out, eh, Alastair/Dean shippers?
Anna: "Why are you letting Dean do this?" (I hate that she calls him 'Cas'..)
Castiel: "He's doing God's work."
Keep telling yourself that like it makes everything okay, bb. Who are you kidding?
Anna: "You think He wants this? You think He'd ask this of you?"
This is interesting, isn't it? Anna knows exactly how much making Dean do this is hurting Castiel. And Castiel beginning to look lost and doubtful is a beautiful thing.
Castiel's gorgeous hand, before Anna sullies it. Oh but I do love the way he jerks it away in disgust. :))
What a badass motherfuckin' angel right there. ;)
But with Anna no longer there to distract him from what's happening to Dean, he deflates and goes droopy again. :(
Sam is just as chilling as Dean is, but... not in a good way. In a scary way. Dean, I've still got a grip on Dean. He's still Dean because he still puts Sam above all else. I have no idea who Sam is anymore.
So first Dean breaks himself, and then Alastair breaks him even more. Again. This episode is probably as emotionally draining for me as it is for Castiel.
Obligatory whumpy!Dean. \o/
What took so long, Cas? :( But nnnngh. Nnnnngh!
HOW'S THAT FOR SOME MOTHERFUCKING HAND!PORN?
I could watch Misha get in fistfights forever. But. Obligatory whumpy!Cas! The only thing that would make this better is Cas speaking in Latin. Come on, everyone else has done it! D:
lol. -.-
Not a big fan of Sam being more powerful than Castiel, friggin' angel of the Lord, but. whatever. More whumpy!Cas!
And more whumpy!Dean! Along with concerned!Cas. Oh, this episode is too good to us.
Sam being all protective again wins me back a little. Just a little, though. Mostly I just love how guilty and frustrated and beautiful Castiel is. I do like that Castiel trusts Sam, though, at least in this. For some reason.
Misha's neck and jaw! ♥
Breaking my heart here, Cas. Breaking my heart with the puppy looks. :(
Castiel: "For the first time, I feel..."
And that's when he realizes it, isn't it? That he feels, and he's just admitted it out loud. Then, asking Anna to please tell him what to do.. I've never. Oh Cas. WHY HASN'T HE BEEN HUGGED YET? This is my favorite Anna moment, actually. Telling Castiel to think for himself. ♥
Why so beautiful?
Uriel and Castiel have been together forever, huh? And yet Castiel obviously feels for Dean way more than he feels for Uriel. Is so angry with Uriel for hurting Dean, that's his first real question he needs to know the answer to. He gets an annoyed eye-twitch when Uriel uses Dean's nickname for him. God this is getting ridiculous but I cannot stop taking screencaps of his gorgeous face. It's a sickness. A glorious, glorious sickness.
So Castiel knew Lucifer. What fics will come of this, I wonder? XD But, dude, again with the fist fighting. fjlsdfjksldklj the only thing I dislike about this is the fact that he ALWAYS LOSES. Just this once I wanted to see him not have to be saved by someone.
Just an awesome shot. I'm sad to see Uriel go, though.
Castiel thinks Uriel's death is regrettable, but again, it's nothing compared to how he looks when he's thinking about Dean.
Castiel: "Are you alright?"
Dean: "No thanks to you."
Castiel: "You need to be more careful."
Dean: "You need to learn how to manage a damn Devil's Trap."
Castiel: "That's not what I mean."
This is as close as Castiel can get to admitting he worries about Dean's safety, isn't it? ♥
Castiel has nothing but sympathy and sorrow when he tells Dean that yes, he's the one who started everything. He's the reason Castiel's risking neck and feather and watching his brothers and sisters die and questioning himself and his faith and everything, and yet, Castiel never resents him. In fact, he goes out of his way to tell Dean that it's not blame that falls on him. The beauty of this floors me completely.
I gotta wonder, though, did they save John before he could break? I mean, did they "lay siege to Hell" for him like they did for Dean?
Dean: "Lucifer? The apocalypse? What does that mean? ...Hey! Don't you go disappearing on me, you son of a bitch. What does that mean?"
Castiel: "I don't know."
Dean: "Bull!"
Castiel: "I don't. Dean, they don't tell me much. I know.. our fate rests with you."
Dean just wants his guardian angel to have all the answers. Oh, Dean. And Castiel doesn't know, because they don't tell him much, he's just a soldier. Like Dean.
Dean: "Well then you guys are screwed. I can't do it, Cas. ('Cas' #5!) It's too big. Alastair was right, I'm not all here, I'm not str-- I'm not strong enough. ...I guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be. Find someone else. It's not me."
Remember when I said Dean would drop his macho act and break down in front of Castiel and let the angel take some of the weight off his shoulders? He's done it. And I.. the way he says he can't do it, it's too big -- god, that broke me. And I have never seen Misha look more helplessly sad anywhere else than he is here, playing this angel who isn't supposed to feel anything. The one who has no idea what to say to his human charge and friend but who for the first time ever actually sticks around because Dean needs him to just be there. My ship. my heart belongs to this ship.
I can't even believe this show is giving me exactly what I want. God, this hurts so good but I love this episode. Dean and Castiel couldn't possibly bond more unless it got physical. And I can't even talk about this anymore, I'm just going to go to bed and be broken and happy and in love.
Both of them, Misha and Jensen. Are more beautiful in this episode than they have ever been before. Ever. Which explains this epic, impromptu picspam.
This is where I first started shaking, in the very first few seconds of the episode because. I've always had a thing for Misha's profile, right, but THIS? god, I can't. And this whole part where he just walks -- purposeful and strong and majestic, somehow -- I've never known that watching someone walk could do this to me.
And this shot right here, oh, how is it possible for someone to be this beautiful? I could just weep.
This is just kind of an amusing shot. But there's nothing amusing about how tired Dean is and how... mercilessly Sam says "well, get angry!" and how he doesn't even feel bad about Pam and how he's obviously getting so impatient with Dean "holding him back" and why is Sam driving? He honestly scares me here. What happened to Sammy? Who IS this man in the car with Dean?
Well, Dean got angry, alright. Swearing at Uriel, and stepping forward all intimidatingly. And baiting Castiel ('Cas' #1!) about burning Pam's eyes out. God, he is actually angry and trying to pick a fight and it's frightening. Jensen, Jensen, you are fucking amazing. And Castiel's startled, haunted look.
Castiel: "Dean, we know this is difficult to understand."
Uriel: "And we... don't. care."
Except, by god, he visibly does care, just LOOK at him. Dean looks, too. Dean sees him caring. I. jesus.
Castiel: "Dean. You're our best hope."
Dean: "No. No way. You can't ask me to do this, Cas, not this." ('Cas' #2!)
And Castiel tries to look away, but is physically unable to. Dean? Dean is so hurt and betrayed and terrified and angry and pleading with Castiel, the one who's supposed to protect him and be his friend, and it kills me.
Dean: "You're all-powerful; you can make me do whatever you want. But you can't make me do this." Notice how he turns to Castiel at these last words, trying to act big but once again with those pleading eyes.
Castiel: "This is too much to ask, I know. But we have to ask it." Never takes his eyes off Dean at all, not even to blink.
And Dean believes him. After everything. You can see it. See him giving up.
Dean: "I wanna talk to Cas alone." ('Cas' #3!)
Castiel looks surprised and gratified that Dean has at least this small measure of trust in him, and terrified that Dean will break his resolve to steel himself. All in this one look. Oh god, Misha.
Dean: "You guys don't walk enough, you're gonna get flabby."
LOL, I love the momentary comic relief, it is MUCH needed. And Castiel's unamused brow furrow, hahahahahahaha Cas. ♥
Dean: "You know, I'm starting to think Junkless has a better sense of humor than you do."
Castiel: "Uriel's the funniest angel in the garrison, ask anyone."
fjksldfjskld LOL MISHA HOW DO YOU SAY THIS WITH A STRAIGHT FACE? OH CAS, I FUCKING LOVE YOU.
Dean: "What's going on, Cas? Since when does Uriel put a leash on you?" ('Cas' #4!) While WALKING TOWARDS CASTIEL like he isn't even meaning to do it, he's just drawn there.
Castiel: "My superiors have begun to question my sympathies."
Dean: "Sympathies?"
Castiel: "I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You."
He just... god, he almost looks like he's blaming Dean for this, and he probably is, but the pained honesty and affection is just palpable. It's too much for Dean, who can't look in the face of all of that.
Castiel: "They feel I've begun to express emotions.. the doorways to doubt. This can impair my judgment."
The way he deliberately turns away from Dean and lifts his chin so defiantly -- God, Castiel is so desperate to hang on to his emotionless resolve and Dean sees right through him.
But then Dean starts talking and moving again, and Castiel's lips part hopelessly and you can just see his turmoil under that beautiful, beautiful vessel.
Dean: "Well tell Uriel, or whoever, that you do not want me doing this, trust me."
It's his final plea, and it breaks my heart even more than his previous ones. It breaks Castiel's heart, too, he can't even look at Dean.
Castiel: "Want it? No. But I've been told we need it."
Being told things is easy, isn't it, Cas? But you don't want to dwell on it too much, because that way lies madness. and love. and they're the same thing and he knows it.
Dean: "You ask me to open that door and walk through it... you will not like what walks back out."
Nor will Dean, most importantly. Dean is going to ruin himself all over again, break himself all over again, become the thing that he loathes most, for Cas. He would do that for him. jfkdslfjklsjfls god. D:
Castiel: "For what it's worth, I would give anything not to have you do this."
It's the motherfucking truth, you guys.
And Dean knows it, and closes his eyes in resignation. Just.. take a moment to really let the magnitude of what he's about to do for Castiel sink in. Apart from going to Hell for Sam, I don't think he's ever done one thing to hurt himself more for the sake of someone else. And it's Cas. I have never, ever dreamed that a pairing that means so much to me would have this much canon support, and Kripke is giving it to us, and I don't even know what to do with myself.
Castiel's helpless protectiveness and loss and guilt here -- I mean, it's not even just the expression, it's the entire way Misha holds himself that just makes me want to cry or something ridiculous like that.
LOL @ Alastair singing about dancing with Dean. But Dean trying his damnedest to ignore him, Dean practically vibrating with how much he wants this and how much he hates himself for wanting it. Jensen. D:
Although, I mean, this scene? I don't think Jensen has ever been this deliciously, chillingly sexy before. He always sent thrills through me, but not anything like this. This is just. Gah, I can't even talk. Just look. especially at that cruel little smirk in the second one.
There is something about the way Dean takes off his jacket so slowly and with such finality that makes me go cold and hot at the same time. But all this talk of John being a hero and Dean disappointing him, and Dean fighting so hard to not let it get to him... It hurts me sort of physically.
Whoa. Whoa. Is this a Castiel expression or am I a raging monkey?
Castiel waiting by himself out here, slumped against whatever he's leaning on and listening to Dean ruin himself, fighting with himself to not give in and save Dean... D:
I don't even know how I feel about Sam anymore. At first I thought he was being protective of Dean and my heart swelled, but then I thought he was just being derisive about Dean's weakness and I got angry, and now I just... can't believe he's let himself fall this far. I mean. Really? And look at Ruby, is there ANYONE who still thinks she's just trying to help out? I can't believe she called him Sammy.
Nnnnngh.
I can't decide who this is hurting more, Dean or Castiel. :(
Anna. :| But, on the bright side, Castiel! I wonder, though, who Anna called in favors from if Castiel's still got orders to kill her...
What a way to go out, eh, Alastair/Dean shippers?
Anna: "Why are you letting Dean do this?" (I hate that she calls him 'Cas'..)
Castiel: "He's doing God's work."
Keep telling yourself that like it makes everything okay, bb. Who are you kidding?
Anna: "You think He wants this? You think He'd ask this of you?"
This is interesting, isn't it? Anna knows exactly how much making Dean do this is hurting Castiel. And Castiel beginning to look lost and doubtful is a beautiful thing.
Castiel's gorgeous hand, before Anna sullies it. Oh but I do love the way he jerks it away in disgust. :))
What a badass motherfuckin' angel right there. ;)
But with Anna no longer there to distract him from what's happening to Dean, he deflates and goes droopy again. :(
Sam is just as chilling as Dean is, but... not in a good way. In a scary way. Dean, I've still got a grip on Dean. He's still Dean because he still puts Sam above all else. I have no idea who Sam is anymore.
So first Dean breaks himself, and then Alastair breaks him even more. Again. This episode is probably as emotionally draining for me as it is for Castiel.
Obligatory whumpy!Dean. \o/
What took so long, Cas? :( But nnnngh. Nnnnngh!
HOW'S THAT FOR SOME MOTHERFUCKING HAND!PORN?
I could watch Misha get in fistfights forever. But. Obligatory whumpy!Cas! The only thing that would make this better is Cas speaking in Latin. Come on, everyone else has done it! D:
lol. -.-
Not a big fan of Sam being more powerful than Castiel, friggin' angel of the Lord, but. whatever. More whumpy!Cas!
And more whumpy!Dean! Along with concerned!Cas. Oh, this episode is too good to us.
Sam being all protective again wins me back a little. Just a little, though. Mostly I just love how guilty and frustrated and beautiful Castiel is. I do like that Castiel trusts Sam, though, at least in this. For some reason.
Misha's neck and jaw! ♥
Breaking my heart here, Cas. Breaking my heart with the puppy looks. :(
Castiel: "For the first time, I feel..."
And that's when he realizes it, isn't it? That he feels, and he's just admitted it out loud. Then, asking Anna to please tell him what to do.. I've never. Oh Cas. WHY HASN'T HE BEEN HUGGED YET? This is my favorite Anna moment, actually. Telling Castiel to think for himself. ♥
Why so beautiful?
Uriel and Castiel have been together forever, huh? And yet Castiel obviously feels for Dean way more than he feels for Uriel. Is so angry with Uriel for hurting Dean, that's his first real question he needs to know the answer to. He gets an annoyed eye-twitch when Uriel uses Dean's nickname for him. God this is getting ridiculous but I cannot stop taking screencaps of his gorgeous face. It's a sickness. A glorious, glorious sickness.
So Castiel knew Lucifer. What fics will come of this, I wonder? XD But, dude, again with the fist fighting. fjlsdfjksldklj the only thing I dislike about this is the fact that he ALWAYS LOSES. Just this once I wanted to see him not have to be saved by someone.
Just an awesome shot. I'm sad to see Uriel go, though.
Castiel thinks Uriel's death is regrettable, but again, it's nothing compared to how he looks when he's thinking about Dean.
Castiel: "Are you alright?"
Dean: "No thanks to you."
Castiel: "You need to be more careful."
Dean: "You need to learn how to manage a damn Devil's Trap."
Castiel: "That's not what I mean."
This is as close as Castiel can get to admitting he worries about Dean's safety, isn't it? ♥
Castiel has nothing but sympathy and sorrow when he tells Dean that yes, he's the one who started everything. He's the reason Castiel's risking neck and feather and watching his brothers and sisters die and questioning himself and his faith and everything, and yet, Castiel never resents him. In fact, he goes out of his way to tell Dean that it's not blame that falls on him. The beauty of this floors me completely.
I gotta wonder, though, did they save John before he could break? I mean, did they "lay siege to Hell" for him like they did for Dean?
Dean: "Lucifer? The apocalypse? What does that mean? ...Hey! Don't you go disappearing on me, you son of a bitch. What does that mean?"
Castiel: "I don't know."
Dean: "Bull!"
Castiel: "I don't. Dean, they don't tell me much. I know.. our fate rests with you."
Dean just wants his guardian angel to have all the answers. Oh, Dean. And Castiel doesn't know, because they don't tell him much, he's just a soldier. Like Dean.
Dean: "Well then you guys are screwed. I can't do it, Cas. ('Cas' #5!) It's too big. Alastair was right, I'm not all here, I'm not str-- I'm not strong enough. ...I guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be. Find someone else. It's not me."
Remember when I said Dean would drop his macho act and break down in front of Castiel and let the angel take some of the weight off his shoulders? He's done it. And I.. the way he says he can't do it, it's too big -- god, that broke me. And I have never seen Misha look more helplessly sad anywhere else than he is here, playing this angel who isn't supposed to feel anything. The one who has no idea what to say to his human charge and friend but who for the first time ever actually sticks around because Dean needs him to just be there. My ship. my heart belongs to this ship.
I can't even believe this show is giving me exactly what I want. God, this hurts so good but I love this episode. Dean and Castiel couldn't possibly bond more unless it got physical. And I can't even talk about this anymore, I'm just going to go to bed and be broken and happy and in love.
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Date: 2009-03-20 08:01 pm (UTC)!! Love meme, really? Omg, I had no idea, awwww, do you have a link? THANK YOU, oh my god I've never put my name in a love meme before, hahha, I'm all flustered now. :">! Oh but god yes, I do so love that man and all of his pores and everything about him. So much.
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Date: 2009-03-20 10:17 pm (UTC)link to love meme right here
http://giventofly37.livejournal.com/1063104.html?page=23&view=14633664
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Date: 2009-03-20 10:31 pm (UTC)