Fic: Listen to My Needs (Dean/Castiel, R)

[tracy_loo_who]

Consider this my episode reaction. Not the Latin fic, sorry big_heart_june, but just.. something I had to get off my chest. Actually, I wrote in that whole Dean-choosing-between-Sam-and-Castiel thing that I've been promising since all those discussions at the manifesto, so technically this has been on my to-write list for even longer. :P It's nothing like I'd envisioned before, but I thought I'd play around a bit with the writing (read: I got lazy and didn't want to write anything epic -- like I said, just a short, pretty hastily written fic to get some things off my chest).

Oh, but speaking of the manifesto.. I haven't gotten through all of the fics you guys rec'd yet, but I've read enough to put together a short list of intro-to-fandom recs. I will of course keep updating it, but for now, it's here, and it's probably as good a place as any for people to dip their toes in. :)


Title: Listen to My Needs
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Rating: Hard R?
Word Count: ~2,300
Spoilers: 4.14 - Sex and Violence
Notes: My reaction to the above episode. I don't really buy into the whole 'Castiel falling' thing anymore, but it was more convenient for the purposes of this story, so just go with it? :P
Summary: Castiel has already made his choice. Now, it's Dean's turn.


"Jesus, Cas, you're dreaming about Hell too, now?"

Heavy, shaky breaths. "Heaven."

Softer, "Funny how they're not all that different."

"Father is so angry with me."

"Sure sounded like it. You were moanin' so loud I thought maybe it was a wet dream, but then I checked."

"He is right to be angry with me."

"...Half a day and you're already regretting it, huh?"

A pause. "No, Dean. I don't regret it."

"Why not?"

"Because you are worth it."

"Right." Silence. "Know what'll make it even more worth it?"

"What-- Dean!"

"It'll help you sleep easier, trust me."

"I do trust you, but your hand is cold."

A laugh. "Sorry."

"You're not sorry-- oh."

"You like that?"

"Yes, but.."

"Shh. Just close your eyes and relax, Cas."

Soft sigh. "Mmm, that feels nice."

"Take off your pajama bottoms."

The rustle of fabric.

"Much better."

Sharp breath. "Dean."

"You're supposed to have your eyes closed, remember?"

A pause. The slow sound of friction between skin and skin under a heavy blanket.

"Dean. Oh.."

Light, unhurried kisses.

Strained, "Ahhh. Ah... More. Please."

Quiet chuckle. The creak of bed springs.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm not going anywhere. Keep your eyes closed."

"Ohh, what are you-- ohhhh..."

Wet, sucking noises.

"Dean, ah, Dean, that feels..." A whimpering, wordless moan.

The sound of gagging.

"Are you alrigh--" Another moan, much louder.

Slurping noises, too.

Shallow breaths. Unevenly, "I can't, ohhh... Dean, I'm going to..! Ahh-- Ahhhh!"

Thick swallows, shaky panting. Creaky bed springs again.

Faintly amused, "You alright there? You can open your eyes now."

Weakly, "Dean."

"Told you I'd make it more worth it."

Silence.

"Whoa, you don't have to--"

"But you haven't--"

"It's alright, Cas, that was for you. Go back to sleep now, I can wait till tomorrow."

Quietly, "Thank you."

A long, long silence. Breaths even out and slow.

Whispered, "Thank you, Cas."

***

"This isn't what it looks like, Sam."

"Actually, it is."

"Shut up, Cas."

"Oh my god."

"Look, I can explain."

"Oh my god."

"You already said that."

"Oh my god."

"Sam!"

"Dean! What the hell!"

"This isn't what it looks like, I told you!"

"Yes it is."

"I said shut up, Cas!"

"What, you mean you didn't seduce an angel into falling so you could have a piece of shiny bling to hang around your neck? 'Cause that's what it looks like from here."

"It wasn't for the bling!"

"It is not a bling. And he didn't seduce me."

"Actually, I kind of did."

"I did not fall for the sex, Dean."

"Oh my god."

"Please never mention sex in front of my brother again."

Strained silence.

At the same time: "I can't believe you--" and "I should've told you--"

Together, "Yeah."

"I always knew you were a little gay."

"I'm not gay."

"He's a dude."

"He's an angel."

"Not anymore."

Loftily, "Details."

A pause. "So now what?"

"We keep doing what we do, what else? Speaking of which, what have you been doing?"

"Ruby and I have been researching."

"...Researching. Right."

"Yeah, Dean. Researching. There are signs all over the country, signs that are big enough to point to broken Seals. And if Cas here hadn't fallen he could--"

"Leave him out of this."

"We could use an angel on our side, Dean, that's all I'm saying."

"Well, maybe Uriel--"

A snort.

"There are other angels."

"You can't have your pie and eat it too, Dean."

"What the hell is the point of having pie in the first place if I can't eat it? Am I supposed to just sit there and friggin' stare at it all day?"

"I am not a pie."

"No, but you taste--"

"Dean!"

"Sorry, Sammy."

Quietly, "He's right, Dean."

"Both of you just chill out, okay? We'll figure it out. Follow the biggest signs, do what we can."

Frustrated sigh. "Fine. You guys should pack your bags, then. We're going to Minnesota."

A pause.

"Well?"

"Sam, you should probably not be here when we lift this blanket."

"Oh my god." Footsteps. Door opening, door slamming.

"Well, that went smashingly, don't you think?"

"Nothing was smashed."

Short, humorless laugh. "Everything is smashed."

***

"Are you going to Hell for this?"

"I don't know, Sam."

"Is he?"

"...I don't know, Sam."

A sigh.

***

"I fear your wrath, Father, but that is not what ails me. I am sorry, that is what ails me. But Father, can I be truly sorry for something that I do not regret?"

Suspiciously, "Who were you talking to?"

"I was praying."

"Oh."

"You seem surprised."

"No, I'm just surprised you told me is all."

A pause. "Why wouldn't I tell you?"

"I guess I've just gotten used to..." Sigh. "It's nothing, Cas."

***

"So where were you last night?"

"Ruby had a lead."

"And you didn't think to wake me up?"

"Dean, you and Cas is not something I want to walk in on again. Ever."

"You could've called. Waited five minutes. We were right next door, Sam."

"It wasn't anything we couldn't handle ourselves, Dean."

"...Right. Nothing ever is, these days."

"Dean--"

"Want a beer?"

***

Slightly slurred, "He doesn't sneak out anymore. He doesn't even pretend, anymore."

No response.

Bitter laugh. "I can't decide which is worse, Sam lying to me or Sam not bothering to lie to me."

The loud cacophony of an empty beer bottle shattering against a wall. "What do I have to do, Cas? Tell me what the fuck I have to do to get him back."

Sadly, "I don't know, Dean."

"Fuck." Thud of a body hitting the floor.

Soft pad of footsteps across the room. A second body landing on the floor, much gentler.

A long silence.

"We are not smashed."

Another silence.

Muffled against skin and shirt, "No. No, we aren't."

***

"Father, do you hear me still? I have given up my grace and your love and the eternal glory of Heaven to rebuild my existence around a man who belongs to another, and now..."

Silence.

"Give me strength, Father. Not for my sake, but for Dean's. I do not wish to be selfish and needy because it is Dean's turn to be selfish and needy, and yet... Please, Father. Help me."

***

"Can I be inside you, Cas? Please."

"Yes. Anything."

Small laugh. "Anything? You shouldn't be so quick to say that. If only you knew about some of the things I wanna to do to you..."

"Anything, Dean. I am yours."

A pause. Uncertainly, "Mine?"

"Of course. I fell for you. Who else could I possibly belong to?"

"But--"

Heavily, "I know, Dean."

"Know what?"

"That I am not the one you truly desire."

"Whoa, whoa, where the hell did that come from?"

"I am not Sam."

"I do not want to fuck my brother, Cas."

"No, but you want him in every other sense of the word."

Frustrated noise. "I want you too, Cas. And anyway I'm beginning to think I can't ever have Sammy back."

"That changes nothing."

"That changes everything."

"Tell me, Dean, if Sam and I were both in trouble and you could save only one of us, who would you choose?"

Silence.

"I-- I am sorry, I did not mean to-- I should not have said anything. I am sorry, Dean."

More silence.

Abruptly, "Would you go to Hell if you died?"

"...No."

"Liar."

"Dean--"

"You've obviously never tried to lie to anyone before, Cas. Look, forget it. Let's just... Can we just go to sleep?"

Silence. Breaths do not even out and slow.

***

"I got you a cheeseburger. And pie, too. I didn't forget the pie."

"Thanks, Sam."

A sigh. "Dean, what's up?"

"Huh? Nothin's up."

"You haven't said anything to me in weeks."

"I'm talking to you now!"

"But you're not talking to me."

"What do you want me to say, Sam? Wanna hear about how sorry I feel for myself? Want me to whine some more about all the souls I tortured?"

Hurt, "Dean-- I told you, I didn't mean any of those things I said."

"Yeah, and I told you the same thing."

Pause. The sound of a paper bag being set on a table. Retreating footsteps. Door opening, door closing.

Silence.

The loud, crinkly thud of a paper bag landing in the trash.

***

"Dean, we just finished a hunt."

"Perfect time to start on the next one, then."

"You need rest."

"Sam doesn't need rest."

"I need rest."

Pause. More gently, "I'm sorry, Cas, I'm being a dick."

Dryly, "I thought you said I was the dick."

Quiet laugh. "We can be dicks together, then. Speaking of dicks and togetherness..."

Creak of an old chair under more weight. Kissing, then a contented sigh.

***

"Sam, no, that's crazy."

"You got a better plan?"

"...No. But--"

"Then we're going in."

"Sam!"

"It's the only way, Dean. Come on."

Footsteps away. Always away.

Another set follows. Also always.

***

"Was he right, Cas?"

No response.

"Am I too weak, too scared?"

"No, Dean."

Angrily, "Then how come he was willing to go in there today when I wasn't?"

"Because you care too much to risk him."

Short, bitter laugh. "He was right. I am holding him back."

Gently, "Love does not hinder, Dean."

"Mine does."

***

"I've got a plan."

"Shouldn't we wait for Sam?"

Pointedly, "Do you know when he and Ruby will be back?"

"No."

"Then let's go."

***

"God, Cas, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."

Strained, "I will be fine, Dean, it missed my heart and lungs."

"You could have died--"

"But I didn't--"

"That's not the point!" On the verge of yelling. "I almost got you killed, and for what? For some stupid pissing contest with Sam that's all in my head anyway. He wouldn't care even if I did come up with better plans, if I did kill more demons. I'm just-- fuck, Cas, I'm so, so sorry--"

"Shhh." Protests hushed between mouths.

"I forgive you."

Harshly, "Why? You shouldn't, that's the last thing I deserve."

Quietly, "Forgiveness isn't meant to be deserved, Dean. It is given freely."

A soft noise of distress, muffled again by lips.

***

Movement next door, audible through the wall.

"He's back."

Pause. "Aren't you going to go speak with him?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Your bandage needs changing, Cas, hang on."

"Dean."

"...Yes?"

"My bandage does not need changing. Go speak with your brother."

"No." Pause, frustrated sigh. "You asked me who I would choose, remember? If I could only save one of you."

Carefully, "I remember."

"Well, you were right. I would save Sam. It can never be any other way."

Pained breath.

"But then... I'd come for you, Cas. I'd follow you to Hell."

Another breath. Throat tight, "Dean--"

Fiercely, "I won't leave you alone down there, Cas. I won't. I promise."

Hesitantly, "I do not want you to return to Hell on my account, Dean."

"Cas--"

"No, Dean." With more conviction, "It is enough that you would. It's enough."

"Do you need me?"

Surprised, honest, "Yes." Pause. "But--"

"There are no 'but's, Cas. Not with this."

"But you can't leave Sam."

"I can, that's what I'm saying. I'll save him, whatever it takes. He made me promise him, once. Whatever it takes. And I didn't think I could, but I can, so that's what I'll do, but then..." Brokenly, "Either way, that's the last thing he'll ever need from his big brother. And I can't keep-- I just. Can't."

Breathing hard, together.

***

"I understand now, Father." Reverently, awed, "I see now, with my mortal eyes, what I couldn't see before. The bigger picture. You didn't send me to guide and protect Dean Winchester." Softly, "You sent me to need him. Thank you."

***

Sharp breath.

"Does it hurt?"

"No. There."

"Here?"

"Oh!"

Soft chuckle. "I'll take that as a 'yes'."

"Dean." Shallow breaths. "More, now."

"Are you sure?"

"Dean!"

"Okay, okay!" Click of a bottle. Squelching sounds, a sigh. Another click, soft thump of the bottle landing on a pillow.

One creak of bed springs.

"Here, bring your knees up. Okay. Ready?"

"I will smite you if you ask me again."

Surprised laugh. Teasing, "You can't, I'm wearing your angel bling."

"It's not--" Sharp, breathless gasp.

Shakily, "Oh God, Cas."

"This is--"

"Incredible."

"More."

"Wait."

Another creak of bed springs.

"Cas." Panting. "Wait!"

"No."

More creaks of bed springs. Low moaning, together.

Huskily, "Dean--"

"Like this?"

"Yes. Just like this."

Many, many creaks of bed springs.

Steady rhythm, unsteady breaths.

Whimpering litany of "more, please, harder, yes, Dean..."

Panting, moaning, "Oh god, Cas, you're so-- this isn't gonna last long, I'm sorry--"

Loud and choked, "Ah!"

A second rhythm on top, faster.

Rhythms broken, erratic creaking and squelching and moaning.

Hoarse cry, "Ahhh, ah, Dean...! mmmmmm."

Long groan, drawn out, wordless, helpless. Loud.

Panting together, hard.

"Fuck, Cas."

"Wait. Stay in me awhile longer."

"Okay."

Silence.

"You are beautiful, Dean Winchester."

A laugh. "I'm not a chick, Cas."

"No. You are a man. One who will save the world."

"Whoa. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, here."

"I have seen it. The big picture. God's plan."

"And things are going according to plan, are they?"

"Yes."

"Yeah? Did this great plan of His involve us having orgasms?"

A pause. "Yes."

Bemusedly, "Wow, I knew I was good, but I must be even better than I thought."

"What?"

Smugly, "I just gave you a vision-of-pervy-God-inducing orgasm, Cas."

Gently chiding, "I saw it earlier, Dean. When I looked upon you."

"Look, I don't know what you're on about, but I'm just me. Dean Winchester."

"Exactly."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Everything."

"You, Castiel, are infuriating."

Soft laugh. "I'm not going to Hell, Dean."

"What?"

"God forgave me before I fell."

"Oh." Pause. "Us having orgasms really is part of the great plan, isn't it?"

Patiently, "Yes, Dean."

Slow sounds of kissing. "God is officially awesome."

fin.

Comments

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Hahahha, who can blame Dean for getting a kick out of mortifying Sam? XD

Usually, I don't like dialogue-fics all that much

A couple of other people have said that, too, which surprises me because I've seen very, very little dialogue-only fic and I've enjoyed the three or four that I have read. But yay, that just means I'm extra flattered you liked this! Thank you! ♥

[melawen-c.livejournal.com]

You're welcome! Yeah, off the top of my head, I can't recall any all-dialogue fics from SPN. I was thinking more about the other billion fandoms I follow. ;D
I'm not sure why I don't usually enjoy these fics. . . I think often they are confusing and sometimes they don't seem well thought-out, like the author had all this great dialogue but couldn't be bothered to fill in the details. (I feel like such a judgmental snob for saying that!) But your style told a great story, so yeah, it was good. :) I'm sure that was more than you really needed to know. Sorry for rambling! LOL.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

like the author had all this great dialogue but couldn't be bothered to fill in the details

Ahahahha to be honest, that's exactly why this fic was dialogue-only. >.< Like I said, it was more of an episode reaction than anything, and I didn't have time to write anything epic, heh. But I'm thrilled you liked it anyway! \o/