Fic: Listen to My Needs (Dean/Castiel, R)

[tracy_loo_who]

Consider this my episode reaction. Not the Latin fic, sorry big_heart_june, but just.. something I had to get off my chest. Actually, I wrote in that whole Dean-choosing-between-Sam-and-Castiel thing that I've been promising since all those discussions at the manifesto, so technically this has been on my to-write list for even longer. :P It's nothing like I'd envisioned before, but I thought I'd play around a bit with the writing (read: I got lazy and didn't want to write anything epic -- like I said, just a short, pretty hastily written fic to get some things off my chest).

Oh, but speaking of the manifesto.. I haven't gotten through all of the fics you guys rec'd yet, but I've read enough to put together a short list of intro-to-fandom recs. I will of course keep updating it, but for now, it's here, and it's probably as good a place as any for people to dip their toes in. :)


Title: Listen to My Needs
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Rating: Hard R?
Word Count: ~2,300
Spoilers: 4.14 - Sex and Violence
Notes: My reaction to the above episode. I don't really buy into the whole 'Castiel falling' thing anymore, but it was more convenient for the purposes of this story, so just go with it? :P
Summary: Castiel has already made his choice. Now, it's Dean's turn.


"Jesus, Cas, you're dreaming about Hell too, now?"

Heavy, shaky breaths. "Heaven."

Softer, "Funny how they're not all that different."

"Father is so angry with me."

"Sure sounded like it. You were moanin' so loud I thought maybe it was a wet dream, but then I checked."

"He is right to be angry with me."

"...Half a day and you're already regretting it, huh?"

A pause. "No, Dean. I don't regret it."

"Why not?"

"Because you are worth it."

"Right." Silence. "Know what'll make it even more worth it?"

"What-- Dean!"

"It'll help you sleep easier, trust me."

"I do trust you, but your hand is cold."

A laugh. "Sorry."

"You're not sorry-- oh."

"You like that?"

"Yes, but.."

"Shh. Just close your eyes and relax, Cas."

Soft sigh. "Mmm, that feels nice."

"Take off your pajama bottoms."

The rustle of fabric.

"Much better."

Sharp breath. "Dean."

"You're supposed to have your eyes closed, remember?"

A pause. The slow sound of friction between skin and skin under a heavy blanket.

"Dean. Oh.."

Light, unhurried kisses.

Strained, "Ahhh. Ah... More. Please."

Quiet chuckle. The creak of bed springs.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm not going anywhere. Keep your eyes closed."

"Ohh, what are you-- ohhhh..."

Wet, sucking noises.

"Dean, ah, Dean, that feels..." A whimpering, wordless moan.

The sound of gagging.

"Are you alrigh--" Another moan, much louder.

Slurping noises, too.

Shallow breaths. Unevenly, "I can't, ohhh... Dean, I'm going to..! Ahh-- Ahhhh!"

Thick swallows, shaky panting. Creaky bed springs again.

Faintly amused, "You alright there? You can open your eyes now."

Weakly, "Dean."

"Told you I'd make it more worth it."

Silence.

"Whoa, you don't have to--"

"But you haven't--"

"It's alright, Cas, that was for you. Go back to sleep now, I can wait till tomorrow."

Quietly, "Thank you."

A long, long silence. Breaths even out and slow.

Whispered, "Thank you, Cas."

***

"This isn't what it looks like, Sam."

"Actually, it is."

"Shut up, Cas."

"Oh my god."

"Look, I can explain."

"Oh my god."

"You already said that."

"Oh my god."

"Sam!"

"Dean! What the hell!"

"This isn't what it looks like, I told you!"

"Yes it is."

"I said shut up, Cas!"

"What, you mean you didn't seduce an angel into falling so you could have a piece of shiny bling to hang around your neck? 'Cause that's what it looks like from here."

"It wasn't for the bling!"

"It is not a bling. And he didn't seduce me."

"Actually, I kind of did."

"I did not fall for the sex, Dean."

"Oh my god."

"Please never mention sex in front of my brother again."

Strained silence.

At the same time: "I can't believe you--" and "I should've told you--"

Together, "Yeah."

"I always knew you were a little gay."

"I'm not gay."

"He's a dude."

"He's an angel."

"Not anymore."

Loftily, "Details."

A pause. "So now what?"

"We keep doing what we do, what else? Speaking of which, what have you been doing?"

"Ruby and I have been researching."

"...Researching. Right."

"Yeah, Dean. Researching. There are signs all over the country, signs that are big enough to point to broken Seals. And if Cas here hadn't fallen he could--"

"Leave him out of this."

"We could use an angel on our side, Dean, that's all I'm saying."

"Well, maybe Uriel--"

A snort.

"There are other angels."

"You can't have your pie and eat it too, Dean."

"What the hell is the point of having pie in the first place if I can't eat it? Am I supposed to just sit there and friggin' stare at it all day?"

"I am not a pie."

"No, but you taste--"

"Dean!"

"Sorry, Sammy."

Quietly, "He's right, Dean."

"Both of you just chill out, okay? We'll figure it out. Follow the biggest signs, do what we can."

Frustrated sigh. "Fine. You guys should pack your bags, then. We're going to Minnesota."

A pause.

"Well?"

"Sam, you should probably not be here when we lift this blanket."

"Oh my god." Footsteps. Door opening, door slamming.

"Well, that went smashingly, don't you think?"

"Nothing was smashed."

Short, humorless laugh. "Everything is smashed."

***

"Are you going to Hell for this?"

"I don't know, Sam."

"Is he?"

"...I don't know, Sam."

A sigh.

***

"I fear your wrath, Father, but that is not what ails me. I am sorry, that is what ails me. But Father, can I be truly sorry for something that I do not regret?"

Suspiciously, "Who were you talking to?"

"I was praying."

"Oh."

"You seem surprised."

"No, I'm just surprised you told me is all."

A pause. "Why wouldn't I tell you?"

"I guess I've just gotten used to..." Sigh. "It's nothing, Cas."

***

"So where were you last night?"

"Ruby had a lead."

"And you didn't think to wake me up?"

"Dean, you and Cas is not something I want to walk in on again. Ever."

"You could've called. Waited five minutes. We were right next door, Sam."

"It wasn't anything we couldn't handle ourselves, Dean."

"...Right. Nothing ever is, these days."

"Dean--"

"Want a beer?"

***

Slightly slurred, "He doesn't sneak out anymore. He doesn't even pretend, anymore."

No response.

Bitter laugh. "I can't decide which is worse, Sam lying to me or Sam not bothering to lie to me."

The loud cacophony of an empty beer bottle shattering against a wall. "What do I have to do, Cas? Tell me what the fuck I have to do to get him back."

Sadly, "I don't know, Dean."

"Fuck." Thud of a body hitting the floor.

Soft pad of footsteps across the room. A second body landing on the floor, much gentler.

A long silence.

"We are not smashed."

Another silence.

Muffled against skin and shirt, "No. No, we aren't."

***

"Father, do you hear me still? I have given up my grace and your love and the eternal glory of Heaven to rebuild my existence around a man who belongs to another, and now..."

Silence.

"Give me strength, Father. Not for my sake, but for Dean's. I do not wish to be selfish and needy because it is Dean's turn to be selfish and needy, and yet... Please, Father. Help me."

***

"Can I be inside you, Cas? Please."

"Yes. Anything."

Small laugh. "Anything? You shouldn't be so quick to say that. If only you knew about some of the things I wanna to do to you..."

"Anything, Dean. I am yours."

A pause. Uncertainly, "Mine?"

"Of course. I fell for you. Who else could I possibly belong to?"

"But--"

Heavily, "I know, Dean."

"Know what?"

"That I am not the one you truly desire."

"Whoa, whoa, where the hell did that come from?"

"I am not Sam."

"I do not want to fuck my brother, Cas."

"No, but you want him in every other sense of the word."

Frustrated noise. "I want you too, Cas. And anyway I'm beginning to think I can't ever have Sammy back."

"That changes nothing."

"That changes everything."

"Tell me, Dean, if Sam and I were both in trouble and you could save only one of us, who would you choose?"

Silence.

"I-- I am sorry, I did not mean to-- I should not have said anything. I am sorry, Dean."

More silence.

Abruptly, "Would you go to Hell if you died?"

"...No."

"Liar."

"Dean--"

"You've obviously never tried to lie to anyone before, Cas. Look, forget it. Let's just... Can we just go to sleep?"

Silence. Breaths do not even out and slow.

***

"I got you a cheeseburger. And pie, too. I didn't forget the pie."

"Thanks, Sam."

A sigh. "Dean, what's up?"

"Huh? Nothin's up."

"You haven't said anything to me in weeks."

"I'm talking to you now!"

"But you're not talking to me."

"What do you want me to say, Sam? Wanna hear about how sorry I feel for myself? Want me to whine some more about all the souls I tortured?"

Hurt, "Dean-- I told you, I didn't mean any of those things I said."

"Yeah, and I told you the same thing."

Pause. The sound of a paper bag being set on a table. Retreating footsteps. Door opening, door closing.

Silence.

The loud, crinkly thud of a paper bag landing in the trash.

***

"Dean, we just finished a hunt."

"Perfect time to start on the next one, then."

"You need rest."

"Sam doesn't need rest."

"I need rest."

Pause. More gently, "I'm sorry, Cas, I'm being a dick."

Dryly, "I thought you said I was the dick."

Quiet laugh. "We can be dicks together, then. Speaking of dicks and togetherness..."

Creak of an old chair under more weight. Kissing, then a contented sigh.

***

"Sam, no, that's crazy."

"You got a better plan?"

"...No. But--"

"Then we're going in."

"Sam!"

"It's the only way, Dean. Come on."

Footsteps away. Always away.

Another set follows. Also always.

***

"Was he right, Cas?"

No response.

"Am I too weak, too scared?"

"No, Dean."

Angrily, "Then how come he was willing to go in there today when I wasn't?"

"Because you care too much to risk him."

Short, bitter laugh. "He was right. I am holding him back."

Gently, "Love does not hinder, Dean."

"Mine does."

***

"I've got a plan."

"Shouldn't we wait for Sam?"

Pointedly, "Do you know when he and Ruby will be back?"

"No."

"Then let's go."

***

"God, Cas, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."

Strained, "I will be fine, Dean, it missed my heart and lungs."

"You could have died--"

"But I didn't--"

"That's not the point!" On the verge of yelling. "I almost got you killed, and for what? For some stupid pissing contest with Sam that's all in my head anyway. He wouldn't care even if I did come up with better plans, if I did kill more demons. I'm just-- fuck, Cas, I'm so, so sorry--"

"Shhh." Protests hushed between mouths.

"I forgive you."

Harshly, "Why? You shouldn't, that's the last thing I deserve."

Quietly, "Forgiveness isn't meant to be deserved, Dean. It is given freely."

A soft noise of distress, muffled again by lips.

***

Movement next door, audible through the wall.

"He's back."

Pause. "Aren't you going to go speak with him?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Your bandage needs changing, Cas, hang on."

"Dean."

"...Yes?"

"My bandage does not need changing. Go speak with your brother."

"No." Pause, frustrated sigh. "You asked me who I would choose, remember? If I could only save one of you."

Carefully, "I remember."

"Well, you were right. I would save Sam. It can never be any other way."

Pained breath.

"But then... I'd come for you, Cas. I'd follow you to Hell."

Another breath. Throat tight, "Dean--"

Fiercely, "I won't leave you alone down there, Cas. I won't. I promise."

Hesitantly, "I do not want you to return to Hell on my account, Dean."

"Cas--"

"No, Dean." With more conviction, "It is enough that you would. It's enough."

"Do you need me?"

Surprised, honest, "Yes." Pause. "But--"

"There are no 'but's, Cas. Not with this."

"But you can't leave Sam."

"I can, that's what I'm saying. I'll save him, whatever it takes. He made me promise him, once. Whatever it takes. And I didn't think I could, but I can, so that's what I'll do, but then..." Brokenly, "Either way, that's the last thing he'll ever need from his big brother. And I can't keep-- I just. Can't."

Breathing hard, together.

***

"I understand now, Father." Reverently, awed, "I see now, with my mortal eyes, what I couldn't see before. The bigger picture. You didn't send me to guide and protect Dean Winchester." Softly, "You sent me to need him. Thank you."

***

Sharp breath.

"Does it hurt?"

"No. There."

"Here?"

"Oh!"

Soft chuckle. "I'll take that as a 'yes'."

"Dean." Shallow breaths. "More, now."

"Are you sure?"

"Dean!"

"Okay, okay!" Click of a bottle. Squelching sounds, a sigh. Another click, soft thump of the bottle landing on a pillow.

One creak of bed springs.

"Here, bring your knees up. Okay. Ready?"

"I will smite you if you ask me again."

Surprised laugh. Teasing, "You can't, I'm wearing your angel bling."

"It's not--" Sharp, breathless gasp.

Shakily, "Oh God, Cas."

"This is--"

"Incredible."

"More."

"Wait."

Another creak of bed springs.

"Cas." Panting. "Wait!"

"No."

More creaks of bed springs. Low moaning, together.

Huskily, "Dean--"

"Like this?"

"Yes. Just like this."

Many, many creaks of bed springs.

Steady rhythm, unsteady breaths.

Whimpering litany of "more, please, harder, yes, Dean..."

Panting, moaning, "Oh god, Cas, you're so-- this isn't gonna last long, I'm sorry--"

Loud and choked, "Ah!"

A second rhythm on top, faster.

Rhythms broken, erratic creaking and squelching and moaning.

Hoarse cry, "Ahhh, ah, Dean...! mmmmmm."

Long groan, drawn out, wordless, helpless. Loud.

Panting together, hard.

"Fuck, Cas."

"Wait. Stay in me awhile longer."

"Okay."

Silence.

"You are beautiful, Dean Winchester."

A laugh. "I'm not a chick, Cas."

"No. You are a man. One who will save the world."

"Whoa. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, here."

"I have seen it. The big picture. God's plan."

"And things are going according to plan, are they?"

"Yes."

"Yeah? Did this great plan of His involve us having orgasms?"

A pause. "Yes."

Bemusedly, "Wow, I knew I was good, but I must be even better than I thought."

"What?"

Smugly, "I just gave you a vision-of-pervy-God-inducing orgasm, Cas."

Gently chiding, "I saw it earlier, Dean. When I looked upon you."

"Look, I don't know what you're on about, but I'm just me. Dean Winchester."

"Exactly."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Everything."

"You, Castiel, are infuriating."

Soft laugh. "I'm not going to Hell, Dean."

"What?"

"God forgave me before I fell."

"Oh." Pause. "Us having orgasms really is part of the great plan, isn't it?"

Patiently, "Yes, Dean."

Slow sounds of kissing. "God is officially awesome."

fin.

Comments

[vichan.livejournal.com]

This, right here, with the thing that broke my heart and filled it back up again emphasized:

"I understand now, Father." Reverently, awed, "I see now, with my mortal eyes, what I couldn't see before. The bigger picture. You didn't send me to guide and protect Dean Winchester." Softly, "You sent me to need him. Thank you."

Oh. My GOD. May I call you a Goddess?

[EDIT: SERIOUSLY. I needed that line. YOU NAILED THE THING RIGHT ON THE HEAD.]

[tracy.livejournal.com]

:"> :"> :">

I AM SO HAPPY THAT'S THE LINE THAT DID IT FOR YOU. It's so much of what Dean/Castiel means to me, what I see in them and what I want for them. That's what nails them for ME, too, so I ♥ you so much right now. Thank you!

[bellajayd.livejournal.com]

This was lovely! There were so many great lines that I'd be pasting the whole fic in here to show you my favorites. The funniest one, though, was: "Us having orgasms really is part of the great plan, isn't it?"

I was like, "Why yes Dean -- yes it is!"

Well done!!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Heeee! Thank you so much, I'm incredibly tickled you liked it so much!

And, yeah, that's a God even I can get behind. XD

[ibroketuesday.livejournal.com]

It is not a bling.

BRB LOLING

My heart went ouchie at the line about Dean saving Sam instead of Cas, because, well, it's true. That's the status quo. There's no question. But you made it all better by saying that Dean would come for him. <3333333

You have perfect timing, too. I was just thinking to myself, "Self, why have you read all the Dean/Castiel already?" And then this was posted! Yay!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

LOL I AM PRETTY SURE CASTIEL WOULD SMITE ME FOR THAT, BUT IT WOULD BE WORTH IT.

Yay, I'm glad you like my solution to the problem! :D Thank you!

Hahahha wow, that is a lot of fic. I am envious.

[sablier-bloque.livejournal.com]

Oh, oh, oh, I loved this so much. Fantastic job with only using dialogue. :)

[tracy.livejournal.com]

It was my first time trying the dialogue only thing, actually, so I'm absolutely thrilled you liked this so much! Thank you! \o/

[huntress69.livejournal.com]

This is just my humble opinion, but I think this may be your best Dean/Cas fic yet. You blended humor, angst, and good sex too. I am putting it in Mems and thanks for writing it.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Omg. :">! SO HAPPY, thank you so much! I'm incredibly, incredibly flattered you like this so much, seriously. ♥

[taurenova.livejournal.com]

Slow sounds of kissing. "God is officially awesome."

♥

And massive ♥ for this in general.

(It's an interesting stylistic choice - a sparse way of telling a story. It's interesting to write something mostly in dialogue, isn't it? Makes you work extra hard on making sure everyone sounds as they're meant to)

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Massive ♥ for you!

Haaaa, it really does, I faffed around so much about whether or not Sam would actually say "oh my god", hahahha. :">

Anyway, yay, thank you so much! :D :D

[rogueslayer452.livejournal.com]

BB YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN! :DDD

I liked the style of this, mostly dialogue with some descriptions but nothing overly done, which is a nice way of presenting what's happening here. I also loved how you wrote everyone, from Dean to Castiel to Sam, and it wasn't hard to tell who was who. AND YES! Dean would totally save Sam without question, as he always would, but he would go and save Castiel anyway, because that's who Dean is. He doesn't leave anyone behind, and he'll be damned (quite literally) if he let Cas suffer in Hell. That's another thing I liked, how you wrote that piece coming from Dean, him saying it aloud.

Also, this part:

"I understand now, Father." Reverently, awed, "I see now, with my mortal eyes, what I couldn't see before. The bigger picture. You didn't send me to guide and protect Dean Winchester." Softly, "You sent me to need him. Thank you."

No words, except beautifully written.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

HI BB! ♥

Ah, man, I am so relieved you liked this, it's the first time I've written dialogue only, and plus I was in such a hurry to get it done before tonight's episode, hahaha, so yay! And thank you for saying it was easy to tell who was who, cause that was my biggest concern. \o/!

It sort of breaks my heart that Dean would, once again, sacrifice his own soul for someone he loves, but it's so.. unavoidably Dean. And it's sort of tragic, really, to think of Dean and Castiel in Hell together. I thought about ending it like that, actually, but I'm glad I didn't, heh, because of that line you quoted. It's my favourite too, actually.

Thank you so much, Ilu. ♥!

[strangeandcharm.livejournal.com]

I have to say, usually I'm not a fan of all-dialogue fics because I can never figure out who the hell is speaking (call me dumb) and I find many of them repetitive. There are very few authors who can write them tightly enough to keep the flow working, y'know? And I guess you're one of those authors, because I loved this.

Seriously, this was wonderful. And I didn't read your intro at the top, so when I got to this line: "Tell me, Dean, if Sam and I were both in trouble and you could save only one of us, who would you choose?" I was totally taken by surprise, and it made me gasp. Because of course Dean would choose Sam, and that would hinder any meaningful relationship between Dean and Castiel, but you came up with such a beautiful way of solving that problem - "But then... I'd come for you, Cas. I'd follow you to Hell" - and wow, doesn't that just say everything?

In conclusion: \O/

[tracy.livejournal.com]

\o/ Yay, I am so relieved you liked it, then! TBH I haven't seen a lot of dialogue-only fics in general, and none that I can recall in this fandom. It's certainly my first time writing it, and I only did it because there's no way I would've finished it otherwise, at least not before tonight's BSG, hahahha.

This solution is one I've spent a lot of time coming up with -- two months! -- and I'd planned to write it into a much better thought-out fic, but it seemed to fit, here, so I'm all \o/ that you like it!

THANK YOU! ♥

[katrinaswift.livejournal.com]

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



AMAZINGSAUCE!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

LOL HELLO ILU.

OMG I JUST REALIZED I GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE EPISODE SO MUCH YESTERDAY THAT I NEVER GOT TO READ YOUR CRACKFIC. OMG MUST REMEDY.

[themadfish.livejournal.com]

Oooooo rec list! <3!!!

I'm not quite a fan of Dean/Castiel yet, but I probably will be after I read more fics with them.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

I certainly hope so! Seriously, there is so much to love about this ship. So much! ♥

[mangokulfi.livejournal.com]

This is exactly what I needed after last night's episode. :)

[tracy.livejournal.com]

You'n'me both! ♥ Thank you!

[melawen-c.livejournal.com]

"I am not a pie."
"No, but you taste--"
"Dean!"
*giggles* Love it!

Usually, I don't like dialogue-fics all that much, but this is officially awesome! (Just like God.) Great humor, very tender moments too. ♥

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Hahahha, who can blame Dean for getting a kick out of mortifying Sam? XD

Usually, I don't like dialogue-fics all that much

A couple of other people have said that, too, which surprises me because I've seen very, very little dialogue-only fic and I've enjoyed the three or four that I have read. But yay, that just means I'm extra flattered you liked this! Thank you! ♥

[prongsy.livejournal.com]

God is officially awesome.

You must be God then. ^_^

'Cause I'm making a flawed argument in mistaking a sufficient assumption (that all awesomeness is God equaling) and making it a necessary assumption (that you therefore must be God because you are officially AWE~SOME!).

Um..... LSAT = brain!FAIL... but thank you for your ficcage, as always, but especially at this present junction. Not just because I'm all spastically stressed, but be cause it made me happy in wake of Sam's lame-ity and reminded me that there is joy to be found... you know, once we get Castiel back on the show.

Which should be NOW by the way.

As in retroactively. It should have been yesterday.

Rick. Nick. Whatever that FBI-Siren-Guy called himself... really is Castiel possessing some lucky "poor" bastard. Why? Because he almost went down on Dean in his car. Don't kid yourself, it's there, with his "come hither" bedroom eyes when they were on their stakeout. Totally the eye-sex of Dean/Cas. He was just giving Dean motivation to "stop" Sammy before he did. And reminding Dean what a dark haired, slightly shorter guy in the saving business can give him that Sammy can't. See... the Siren is EASILY replaced by Castiel. Just plop him in there and YAY... Castiel weeks before we get him again! ^_^

Oooh... I'd like to see that fic. If the Siren had tried to woo Dean away from Sammy by emulating his "perfect mate" and thus ending up very Cas-like. *_*

That's not here nor there, and I'm babbling insanely.

Ignore that middle part and just remember....

You rock! This is canon fact! XD
You reconciled Dean's devotion to Sammy with his feelings for Castiel in the most EPIC and RIGHTEOUS way. He gets to remain brutally in character while making our fangirl hearts sigh with the fact that, while he may choose Sammy first... he'll still follow after Castiel even if it means forever. We were setting it up as if THERE COULD BE ONLY ONE (Duncan MacLeod of the clan MacLeod), as if they were mutually exclusive concepts... either he picks Sam and fails Castiel OR he picks Castiel and fails continuity. So, well done you for giving us a third, previously unrealized option.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

LOL. Flawed argument? I see no flaws here, my fellow God. XD

Aww, bb, do not be so stressed about the LSAT, I'm sure you will smite that bitch with your awesome and do Castiel proud.

:( :( At least we got that interview? Not quite the same thing, but certainly, certainly better than nothing!

Because he almost went down on Dean in his car.

LOL I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING. Before that fight happened and I spent most of the rest of the night being furious at Sam, I was completely squeeing myself hoarse over the utter gay in that scene.

Oooh... I'd like to see that fic. If the Siren had tried to woo Dean away from Sammy by emulating his "perfect mate" and thus ending up very Cas-like. *_*

I CAN SEE IT. HELLO, DEAN, I AM A HOLY YOGA INSTRUCTOR WITH BIG BLUE EYES AND MESSY BROWN HAIR. AND YES, I HAVE AM A TIGHT ASS, BUT LOOK WHAT I CAN DO IN PLOW...

But, seriously, I am so happy you're satisfied with my solution to that particular problem because, as you know, it's one I've been thinking about for like, two freaking months now, hahaha. \o/ Although it sort of breaks my heart to think of Dean giving his soul to Hell again for someone he loves. :(

[order_of_chaos]

*grins* This fic, like God, is officially awesome.

"Oh." Pause. "Us having orgasms really is part of the great plan, isn't it?"
Patiently, "Yes, Dean."
Slow sounds of kissing. "God is officially awesome."

That bit right there pretty much sums up why I don't usually buy the whole Castiel falling thing either. Why would God give Dean an angel who could fall in love with him (and vice versa) and then punish him for doing so?
This works, though :D

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Heee, thank you so much! \o/

I mostly just think Castiel has to put his warrior responsibilities before personal ones, but yes, if he did fall, I think it would have to be because that's what needed to happen along the way before Dean could save the world. All part of God's plan. :)

[ruggerdavey.livejournal.com]

"I understand now, Father." Reverently, awed, "I see now, with my mortal eyes, what I couldn't see before. The bigger picture. You didn't send me to guide and protect Dean Winchester." Softly, "You sent me to need him. Thank you."

This was just. Yes. That was just the most wonderful moment and it totally. Dude, I don't even have the words. I'm kind of teary-eyed here. That line hit me on a level beyond just fic.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

I am pretty awed that I could do that to you, to be honest (and I'm glad it was that line, because that's such a huge part of why I love Dean/Castiel as much as I do). That means a lot to me. Thank you! ♥

[24snowyli-chan.livejournal.com]

somehow the short sentences and the primary use of dialogue you were able to express the feeling and the inner turmoil of both dean and cass, his need to be reasured by God with his decision to fall, and for dean and his fear of having lost sam, this is exactly what i expect to feel when i read something that deals with these two and what's going on around them. and the short fragments of castiel's voice also makes you see how much he's willing to give up (willingly) for dean, when he doesn't believe he deserves it. but i liked how you made castiel feel fear like a normal human would, being an angel i doubt he would be capable of feeling worried that in dean's life, sam would always be number one, i liked how you explored that new trace of character in "fallen" castiel.

alrighties, long review to just say i loved it :) good job

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Wow, thank you so much! <3

being an angel i doubt he would be capable of feeling worried that in dean's life, sam would always be number one

Right, that's a big part of why Castiel had to be fallen in this fic, even though it doesn't make sense in a canonical context because he hasn't even been around for over a month, heh. This whole concept of Sam's status in Dean's life getting in the way of Dean/Castiel came about because I'm such a hopeless (human) romantic and couldn't quite be 100% comfortable with Dean being Castiel's number one and Castiel not being Dean's. So, I'm glad you enjoyed this, and thanks again! :D

[eternal-dolor.livejournal.com]

And you are awesome for writing this. Neat story

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Yay, I'm glad you enjoyed it, thank you! :D

[shinko.livejournal.com]

Tracy, you melt me. For serious.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Awwww. *remolds* Ilu, thank you!

[invisiblelove.livejournal.com]

LOVE IT <33 Awesome job with the different fic format :)

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Hurray, thank you, I'm so happy this worked for you! :D :D

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Couldn't agree more! XD

[katty-blake.livejournal.com]

OK. I LOVE YOU. Like, really. Reallyreally. You totally made my day. Personally I like only-dialogue fics (in my native language there's this HP thing called "coffin-verse" and reading it makes you feel really dirty and everyone loves it xD), there's always a lot of fun while reading them and thinking something 'bout something and then rethinking it with additional line "I'm pretty sure the Author didn't mean it that way..." or "I feel dirty". ^^

So yeah, I loved your fic. Not only because of the humor and the way you kept everyone IC but also the answers you gave us. It's obvious that Dean would save Sam, he ALWAYS saves Sam and it's kinda carved into his brain. And as sad as it is (and it is, 'cause you gave Cas few lines of thinking that he's the second best in Dean's life, bad you), it is true.

But then you came up with an awesome new way of resolving who-would-you-choose-issue. Dean would save his brother but then he would go to Hell and save Cas as well.
...
OMG, YAY!!! xDDD

"Well, you were right. I would save Sam. It can never be any other way."

Pained breath.

"But then... I'd come for you, Cas. I'd follow you to Hell."
That is SOOO worth those two months. :)

And of course there were lots of other great lines, but I'm not going to quote whole story. xD This fic absolutely ROCKS. *loves the fic and totally needs it in printed version*

[katty-blake.livejournal.com]

Oh, I forgot. My first thought on 4x14? "OMG, the Siren decided that Dean's perfect mate is a GUY! OMG! *faints*".

eye!sex, THAT look from 4x10, the whole Dean'n'Cas thing PLUS the Siren thing so totally means slash this season. At last.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

theyre so easy and fun to write

*G* Exactly. There was just way too much for me to fill in the details and still be able to write it in a couple of hours, heh.

Thanks so much, and I hope to write more too! :)

[ran-cl.livejournal.com]

My comment would be short :D This fic of yours is beyond awesome and this is the second one of yours that goes into my secret fave Dean/Castiel fic hee , thx for writing this!

"You sent me to need him. Thank you." Aww. *tears*

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Yay, I'm so thrilled to have written not just one but TWO of your favorites, wheee! \o/ \o/

Thank YOU! ♥!

[kevlarhearts.livejournal.com]

You are amazing I love this!!

all of it!!! absolutely every single line of this!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Aww, I am so incredibly tickled you liked this so much! :"> :"> Thank you SO MUCH!

[kalikahuntress.livejournal.com]

I am amazed that this was written in haste because this is my fave fic of yours and you have solved the conundrum of adding another important individual to the Winchester relationship. I take it the latest ep was inspiring and allowed for a lot of truths about Dean and Sam to come together. This fic makes me really appreciate the show even more, it appears there really is a plan and the writers are taking steps to show Dean reaching this point on the show. Thanks so much for this, it's been especially perfect for now in light of the recent ep and what's to come.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

\o/ I am so happy you liked this so much and think it's in keeping with where the show seems to be going, thank you! That's incredibly flattering. :">!

Mostly I was just angry as hell with Sam, even though I can see where he's coming from in regards to thinking Dean's holding him back. (There's really no excuse for coaxing Dean to open up and then mocking him for feeling sorry for himself, though, that was just.. no. ugh.) So this was me writing about Dean taking a step away from Sam but in a way that's still in character, or so I hope. heh.