the new love of my life~

[tracy_loo_who]

THIS FIC: The Voice of The Turtledove by obstinatrix
(NC-17; Castiel was eleven years old when he first felt there was something wrong with him. He's twenty-nine, a Roman Catholic priest in a small New England village, before Dean Winchester shows him that there isn't. AU.)

I cannot even believe I've spent the past few weeks on inexcusable things such as surfing and baking giant rectangular cookies and going home with cute Portuguese boys only to end up sleeping with their cats instead (how do these things even happen) when I could have been reading this fic. Inexcusable because every day that I've let pass me by without having this fic in my life has been a MORTAL TRANSGRESSION.

But I sort of made up for it by staying up until 4 am last night reading the whole thing and then waking up 2-3 hours later of my own accord when I should have been passed out in a dead sleep and just lying in bed replaying scenes in my head and basking in my ABSOLUTE LOVE for it. This has continued throughout the workday, I have been smiling obnoxiously like the token Annoyingly Happy Person and being in love with this fic like it's my new boyfriend.

NO BUT REALLY. Excuse me while I paste the gush I left in a comment on the story because I cannot help but get my gush every-fucking-where:

This fic is everything I've ever wanted a fic to be, and a lot of things I didn't know I wanted until I read it. I've never had a priest!kink and the few priest!Cas fics I've tried to read haven't done anything for me, but this is the priest!Cas fic to end all priest!Cas fics and the raw, all-consuming UST in the beginning is enthrallingly agonizing. Then the sex -- holy crap the sex -- every bit as electrifying and exhilarating as the buildup and then some. Dean is written so compellingly, both in terms of physical appeal and strength of character, I can't even express how much I love this version of him.

And Castiel's tortured journey through loneliness and want and internalized self-hatred to acceptance and confidence is one of the most reaffirming and liberating things I have ever read in my life. This is better than all of the "It Gets Better" videos I watched put together, and especially now, with the whole debate over repealing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" going on and Marine Corps generals predicting that allowing gay people to openly serve might actually kill people, I find myself getting worked up over this more often than usual and just wish everyone in the world would read this fic. I mean, it's AU, so it's not like anyone even has to watch Supernatural or know who Dean and Castiel are to understand and love this story.

Plus, I think the author's writing style may be my favorite ever. Fancy, poetic writing is usually not my thing because while I can admire the way words are cleverly crafted to paint a gorgeous image, any sort of emotional response gets lost amidst all that I'm-obviously-trying-so-very-hard imagery. Extensively rich world-building is also not my thing because again, the emotional response gets lost somewhere along the way. But this fic has the perfect balance of evocative prose that's refreshing and a joy to read but doesn't draw attention to the writing itself, and the perfect amount of attention to detail to be vivid but not distracting. And Castiel's narrative voice is so heart-breakingly true to real life I physically ache when he does and his happiness, when he finally achieves it, makes me pervasively giddy.

Ugh ugh ugh sorry for the extended brain barf, I swear I will stop here and actually do something useful like finally update my rec list, but SERIOUSLY THIS FIC IS EXQUISITE YOU GUYS.

Other highlight of my day: Card from bindaroonie! SO CUTE and SO MUCH FUN, Ilu and Cas's pink feather and handprint tattoo of profound bonding forever, bb. ♥♥♥

Comments

[starlitshore.livejournal.com]

YOU made a post and there are no comments yet? :O

[starlitshore.livejournal.com]

HOLY SHIT I WAS REALLY FIRST. o_O

Anyway. You've built this up so much that I'm tempted to read it. But also afraid because what if it doesn't live up to its glorified description? Oi.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

LOL I MADE THIS POST LIKE TWO MINUTES AGO.

Ugh just shut up and read it.

[writingpathways.livejournal.com]

I love that fic too, I keep thinking: Must reread that soon!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

I don't often reread fics, but this is going to be one of those rare ones that I do reread just because I cannot get enough of it.

[zanyrainey.livejournal.com]

Can't wait to read it! I've had a touch of priest!kink since The Thorn Birds premiered on TV. Yes, I'm that old. I watched it with my grandmother around age 8 or 9. Good smutty times!

Gotta run to town first - BOOOOO!
A definite read for when I get home.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Never heard of it. XD

I am excited for you to read this, YOU WILL LOVE IT.

[high-flyer87.livejournal.com]

This fic took over my life for a good week and a half. I literally could not. stop. thinking about it.

Easily one of the best fics in the whole of fandom.

In the history of forever.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

I can easily see that happening to me too. SO IN LOVE.

[matchboximpala.livejournal.com]

I don't usually read Dean/Cas fic, but after this rec, I'm going to have to read this!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

I must admit I hope it drags you kicking and screaming into being in love with this pairing. :D

[kalikahuntress.livejournal.com]

I haven't ready any Dean/Castiel much less one that comes this highly recommended in ages. I am adding it to mu must read list.:)

[tracy.livejournal.com]

You will not regret losing those few hours!

[spacefragments.livejournal.com]

i liked this fic but it rubbed me the wrong way that dean was so young (idk my age difference kink very much depends on the circumstances & sometimes it turns into a squick). i had to age him up a bit when i read.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

I think it would've bothered me if Dean had acted 17, but he didn't, so it was easy to gloss over.

[harper47.livejournal.com]

Yes, that is one awesome, awesome fic. So word to all you said. I remember we were all spasming out on twitter the day it posted. Seriously awesome, awesome fic.

Sleeping with cats! LOL. Don't you know you have to have some comedy episodes in the "Madcap Adventures of Tracy in Portugal"? Readers expect these things!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I wish I had more time for Twitter if only so I wouldn't miss things like that.

Hahhaha oh god it was horribly embarrassing, I passed out on his couch all curled up under a blanket and his cat came and snuggled up to me and stayed there all night. Or what was left of the night, anyway, which admittedly wasn't very much. He slept on the other side of the couch (it was one of those L-shaped ones).

[qthelights.livejournal.com]

Couldn't agree more. obstinatrix is my new obsession these days, everything she writes is pure gold. And she writes variety, from FPS to RPS. I don't think you really do RPS but there's a J/M pwp that nearly killed me.

This one though, was just perfect. I might go reread it actually.. um... again... ;)

[tracy.livejournal.com]

No, I don't read RPF, but if I ever decide to give it a try, I might look for hers.

Me too, this one is definitely going on my to-reread list.

[olympia-m.livejournal.com]

oh, I know what you mean - that fic is just gorgeous! :)

[tracy.livejournal.com]

I can't believe I'm so late to the game, this fic has been posted for almost a month and I just now got around to reading it! ALSO I AM GOING TO TRY TO READ YOURS NEXT, it's been sitting in my inbox for ages but I keep not having time to sit down and take my time to properly enjoy it. *shame*

[yellowhorde.livejournal.com]

Hey, thanks for the rec! I seldom have time to read fic but when I do I like to read quality. And this looks like some quality writing. I've only had time to read a few pages, but so far it is absolutely beautiful.

I'll add it to my 'must read' file immediately so I can read it over vacation. XD

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Definitely save this for when you have time to savor it! I almost wish I could erase my memory and read it for the first time all over again.

[nalathilion.livejournal.com]

I read that a while back & had hearts in my eyes. For days.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

I STILL DO. ♥_♥

[rogueslayer452.livejournal.com]

ISN'T THAT FIC THE MOST AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL THING YOU'VE EVER READ? MY GOD, LOVE. ♥

Seriously, this actually might be the first AU!story I've read that had such gorgeous storytelling. The writing style, the descriptions, the self-discovery of the characters, of Castiel in particular, the fact that it's priest!Castiel and just. omglovesofuckingmuch. It's just so gorgeously structured and it gives an emotional ride that I never thought I would be so invested in, and yet you feel for the characters involved. You're so right, your heart psychically aches for what's happening because it's so real and raw and believe me, this had me addicted to the story from beginning to end.

I just am in love with the entire thing. ♥ ♥ ♥

[tracy.livejournal.com]

YESSSSS. YES IT IS.

I love AU stories in general, but this may be my favorite one. Lots of fics make me this happy, but this is the only one that's so completely life-reaffirming.

[xarixian.livejournal.com]

I adore your comment on this fic, because I feel the exact same way about it. It's one of my all-time favourites and is just so fucking amazing it's unreal. I won't go further, because I know I can't say anything about it that you don't already feel.
I am so tempted though, now that you've said the thing about how everyone should read it, just to post the link on facebook and call all of my friends to it. That might be some weird 'code of the livejournal' transgression though ;_;
I honestly think something like this could be published, hell, it would be publishable were it not fanfiction, and if anyone ever thinks that fanfiction isn't important, or doesn't do anything, or is uncreative, this is the fic they should be directed to (not that many others wouldn't show them the error of their ways, but I've so much love for this one it's unreal).

[tracy.livejournal.com]

I don't think it would be a problem as long as you don't like, link to the author's FB page and be all HEY SHE WROTE THIS. There's definitely a fandom presence on FB for those who are more open about it, so.

Omg yes, I would buy the shit out of this book if it had been published. And it's the one I'll be linking people to as well, I think.

[lioninthesky.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the Rec! It was purely amazing! I spent hours reading and I'm okay with that! xD
Totally in love with that fic

[tracy.livejournal.com]

I am so very very happy you enjoyed it! :D

[belle-favrielle.livejournal.com]

I read that fic and cried like TWENTY TIMES during it. IT'S PERFECTION.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Well, I didn't cry, but I WOULD HAVE IF I WAS THE CRYING SORT.

[ibroketuesday.livejournal.com]

I DON'T EVEN READ FIC ANYMORE BUT I AM TEMPTED.

[elvisglasses5.livejournal.com]

NOW THAT YOU'RE DONE WITH SCHOOL YOU HAVE NO EXCUSES.

/butts out

[elvisglasses5.livejournal.com]

YUP. WHAT YOU SAID.

Wish I could reread it again for the first time. Sigh. Maybe I'll get temporary amnesia for Christmas?? *hopes*

(also, HIIIIIIIIIIIII! Glad to see living the high life in Portugal hasn't made you lose your taste for good ole angel!porn... XD )

[tracy.livejournal.com]

ME TOO, oh man.

Hahha hello! Glad to see that grad school hasn't killed your taste for angel!porn either! :D

[obstinatrix.livejournal.com]

To all the ladies and possible gentlemen in this post: my heart. ♥

*blushing madly*

[bindaroonie.livejournal.com]

Why thanks- I WILL take your heart. But just so I can use it to barter you for the safe return of my own!

I've been snowed under with work and I read in such a hurry that I KNOW I missed many, lovely details. I haven't had a chance to re-read and give you some feedback, and I feel terrible about it. (harper47 and I squeed all over twitter, though!)

I promise to do it when I get my life back next week!

[darkestnight01.livejournal.com]

This fic was the first in ages that kept me reading through the night! I loved it from the beginning and I totally agree with everything you said! :D

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Same here. I haven't been this caught up in a fic in so so so very long.

[bindaroonie.livejournal.com]

Did you know that Aussie mail takes just as long to reach Portugal as it does the US East Coast? Yeah, neither did I. *starwipe moment*

The 'priest fic' as it is popularly called (by ME, anyway) is spectacular. It was quite serendipitous that it came out JUST BEFORE Misha posted up his own priest picture. I just can't wait to go back in and savor it properly.

I am really enjoying the AU WIP '300 Things' by cautionzombies right now, too. It is as just adorable as, well, YOU are!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Haha well, now we know!

Oh shit, I can't wait for Misha's priest movie. CAN'T FUCKING WAIT.

I don't generally read WIPs but OTOH, sometimes I love having something to follow. It's like getting little periodic presents. So indecisive. But I will check it out, thanks for the rec!

[katrinaswift.livejournal.com]

HAHA OBVIOUSLY I HAD TO READ IT.


I'm a halfway through it...WHY DOES IT END TT-TT

[tracy.livejournal.com]

I WAS ALSO KIND OF DEVASTATED THAT IT ENDED. T_T BUT HEY, THEN YOU CAN JUST START AT THE BEGINNING AGAIN.

[love-jackianto.livejournal.com]

Oh I love that story. Someone linked me to it when that picture of Misha is the priest collar surfaced and I'm so glad they did!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

I am so excited for Misha's evil priest movie, man. *_*

[emerald-embers.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU FOR THIS REC.

THANK YOU FOREVER.

Priest!kink fic where the author has really really REALLY done the research omgomgomg I DIE

[tracy.livejournal.com]

YOU'RE WELCOME, BB, YOU KNOW I LIKE TO SPREAD THE GLEE. :D