Fic: And I Will Walk On Water (13/18)
Oct. 18th, 2009 05:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tracy_loo_whoTitle: And I Will Walk On Water (13/18)
Characters: Dean and Castiel, Sam, Michael, Lucifer
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~7,100
Notes: There aren't any spoilers for 5x06, but there's a bit that's stolen from and inspired by the episode because I couldn't help it. XD Thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ibroketuesday for being so relentless with this chapter. ♥
Summary: Castiel tries to deal with the consequences of his decisions, and Dean only wants to help. Michael and Lucifer also make appearances.
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12
Three things happened in that pleasant, hazy blur between sound sleep and complete wakefulness: Dean sensed the warm, solid presence of another body in his arms, he pressed himself and his morning wood against it instinctively, and the body tensed all over.
Castiel's alarm jerked Dean awake immediately, in the same instant that he remembered that the warm, solid body in his arms was Castiel's. He rolled away hastily, an apology already on his lips as he snapped his eyes open. "Sorry, shit, I didn't mean anything," he said hoarsely, mouth dry and suddenly tense all over himself from fear that he'd fucked up again after he'd promised not to and Castiel would get that terrible, betrayed look on his face and disappear. Dean didn't know if he could handle that again, especially this early in the morning.
But Castiel relaxed, and his eyes were calm and clear as he looked up at Dean. They were also really, really close, because Dean's attempt to roll away had been somewhat hindered by the fact that one of his arms was still trapped beneath Castiel's body. It was a bit of a miracle that he hadn't lost feeling in it, but then again, Dean thought (somewhat inanely) that perhaps he shouldn't be so surprised at small miracles considering he was in bed with an angel.
Then it finally registered in his sleep-disoriented mind that he was actually in bed with an angel. With Castiel, even. He'd figured it to be a dream, the night before, but apparently that wasn't the case, so now... Dean's eyes darted over to Sam's bed, only to find it empty. "Where's Sam?" he asked automatically.
"He woke up twenty-two minutes ago," Castiel replied solemnly. "Then he left twenty-one minutes ago. I believe he urgently required something from the library."
Dean snorted. "Yeah, I bet." But whatever, he would deal with Sam and the fact that he was doomed to a fate of eternal mocking later. For now, he glanced down at Castiel and felt himself warm up a little in the face. He felt like he should apologize again, for the, ah, subconscious sexual advancement, but he wasn't sure how to without embarrassing himself completely. Eventually he settled for, "Sorry again, about the..." He trailed off with a vague wave downward and then said, "Thought you were some not-exactly-busty but still foxy lady."
Castiel regarded him impassively for a moment, and then actually glanced down between them. At first Dean was about to be relieved because the comforter was still mostly wrapped around both of them -- at least where it counted -- but then he had the sinking thought that Castiel could probably see through it. This led to wondering if Castiel could see through his clothes, too, on a regular basis, and Dean would have groaned at himself if Castiel hadn't interrupted his thoughts by saying, "It's a natural physical reaction. You needn't apologize for it."
There was a silence, during which Dean felt exceptionally awkward and Castiel mostly just stared at him with those stupidly big, penetrating eyes of his. At least they were never judgmental, though, which Dean was grateful for. Eventually, Castiel looked away and bit his lip. "It's not that I'm not... curious," he said slowly, his words carefully measured, "but it's still not something I want." Then he looked up at Dean with some uncertainty, as if he still wasn't completely convinced it was really his place to want or not want things. "And Jimmy--"
"Cas, I said it didn't matter, remember?" Dean interrupted, and if he sounded grouchier than usual, well, he really couldn't be blamed for the way he sounded while being embarrassed and sporting blue balls first thing in the morning. "You don't want it, Jimmy doesn't want it, it's cool. Can we drop it now?" He pulled his trapped arm out from under Castiel and rubbed at his face with both hands. Dean had gotten so good at not thinking about Castiel in any sort of sexual context, he really had, but at the moment, Castiel really wasn't making it easy for him. Here he was, in Dean's bed and still practically pressed up against him, telling him he was curious about sex -- about letting Dean's hands and lips roam all over his bare skin, showing him all the places on his body he didn't know could feel so good and drawing soft noises from him -- in the presence of Dean's hard-on. No wonder Uriel's response to Sam saying that angels were supposed to show mercy had been to laugh.
Uriel, now that was an angel who, even in death, had the power to wilt Dean's erection. Dean thought about him for a minute, hands still covering his face, while Castiel thankfully remained silent beside him. When the ache dulled to something that wasn't completely distracting, Dean yawned and stretched and reached up to tuck his hands under his head. "So," he began conversationally, eyes on the ceiling, "You don't sleep, right?"
It was a rhetorical question, but Castiel answered anyway, "No." Dean was surprisingly comfortable with the thought of Castiel lying awake for hours against him while he slept.
"Then what have you been thinking about for the past--" he glanced at the clock and continued, "--five and a half hours?"
Instead of answering immediately, Castiel followed Dean's example and lay back to gaze at the ceiling, his head on the pillow beside Dean's and his body perfectly straight but at ease. They were still touching, since the bed was so small, but Dean tried not to think about that, or about how nice this felt, to have Castiel in bed next to him, even without any sexual connotations.
Eventually Castiel said, "I'm sorry for trying to blame you." He didn't seem nearly as miserable as he'd been last night, but he was certainly still unhappy.
Dean shrugged. "S'okay, Cas."
"I still don't understand why you called me, though."
"Lucifer was threatening to do something to you unless I agreed to join him," Dean explained. "I was just trying to warn you."
He could see Castiel turn his head to look at him out of the corner of his eye. When Castiel spoke again, his tone was sharper. "Lucifer was in your dream?"
"He interrupted a rather nice one, too, I think it was about ice cream body shots--"
"I wasn't there when you needed me after all," Castiel said softly, turning back to look at the ceiling again, and Dean thought he could hear a bit of bitterness in there as well.
His first thought was to inform Castiel that he was a big boy and could take care of himself, but then he had a second thought and nudged Castiel with a knee. "Hey, you helped a little. I managed to kick him out of my head and wake up, didn't I? It was only because of what you said last time."
Castiel ignored his words and said firmly, "I will be there next time."
Dean snorted softly. "What? Come on, Cas, I don't need a babysitter. You can still go out there and do your thing."
"No," Castiel replied, a little too quickly.
Dean's eyebrows shot up and he turned his head to watch Castiel's profile. "No? What, you're just gonna give up?"
"I got my brothers killed, Dean," Castiel said harshly. "You were right from the beginning; it was foolish."
"Screw what I said before, you were making good progress."
"It was all for nothing."
"You said your brothers were helping you spread the word, right? That means there's gotta be other angels out there who'd still listen to you," Dean pointed out.
Castiel's eyes narrowed at the ceiling. "They shouldn't. I was wrong to think I could lead them."
Dean pursed his lips at the stubbornness and tried again. "Look, Cas, just because things went to shit this time doesn't mean your plan was a bad one. It just means you gotta make some adjustments to it."
"Can't I stay here with you?" Castiel asked, suddenly sounding uncertain again and turning to look back at Dean.
God knew it was what Dean wanted too, but he wanted Castiel to stay for the right reasons. Being able to follow Dean around and return to effectively letting his decisions be made for him because he was too afraid to make his own was not the right reason. "Of course you can," Dean said anyway, because that much was true, at least, and he wanted Castiel to be sure of it. "You're always welcome here. That doesn't mean you should always hide here."
"I'm not hiding," Castiel said, a bit testily.
Dean snorted up at the ceiling. If Castiel wanted to play this denial game, there was little he could do about it. He figured he ought to give Castiel a few days to sort through the doubtlessly enormous mess in his head before trying again, so for now, he let a mostly-comfortable silence settle between them. Castiel thought his angel thoughts, and Dean thought about the apocalypse and wondered how much more they'd all lose if he kept saying no to Lucifer. He also wondered how much more they'd all lose if he didn't keep saying no to Lucifer.
They remained like that for maybe twenty minutes because Dean was reluctant to move away from Castiel and Castiel was probably reluctant to move away from him, too. But then sounds of the Impala's engine filtered in through the window and signaled Sam's return, at which point Dean swore under his breath and hastily ducked into the bathroom before his brother could actually come back inside and see him still in bed with Castiel.
***
Sam smiled a huge, brilliant smile when Dean got out of the shower. "Good morning," he said brightly.
Castiel was still there, though thankfully he'd also gotten out of bed and was now standing next to it, once again fully dressed and wearing shoes. Dean glanced between his solemn, unsuspecting expression and Sam's beaming one and warned, "I've got plenty of duct tape at hand."
Sam opened his mouth to say something, but then glanced at Castiel and apparently decided better of it, so he merely smirked at Dean instead. It was full of glee and promise, and Dean despaired. Still, though, when he caught Castiel giving Sam a faintly puzzled look and clearly not understanding why he was in such high spirits, Dean smiled a little inwardly and knew he could never regret having been there for Castiel when he'd needed him. Taunts from an annoying little brother were inconsequential.
They were also inevitable, though. Some time later, Dean and Sam left Castiel to get into the car and the first words out of Sam's mouth were, "So, was it good? I mean, it must've been, if there was cuddling."
Dean glared at him, but he'd left the duct tape in the trunk. Instead of dignifying his brother with an actual reply, he simply turned the music up far louder than was necessary and let AC/DC drown Sam out. Sam made a bitchface, and it was Dean's turn to smirk.
***
Castiel blended smoothly back into their lives over the course of the next few days. He spent even more time with Dean and Sam than he had in the past -- keeping the Impala's backseat warm during long drives, joining them at diners where he wouldn't know what to order so Dean would end up having to order twice the amount he usually ate so he'd have enough to share with Castiel (this seemed to please both Sam and Castiel, so Dean resigned himself to it), even sitting through nights in their motel rooms while they slept. It was almost like he was trying to make up for lost time over the past couple of months, or keeping a closer eye on them now that Lucifer was more active, or maybe he just didn't want to be alone. In any case, it made Dean worry that he'd run into the problem of not being able to let Castiel go all over again, even though he knew he'd have to eventually. Castiel wouldn't be happy with bumming around with them forever; he'd have to gather his courage and strike out on his own again sooner or later, and Dean would have to encourage that.
For now, though, the three of them still worked well together, and the fact that they had an angel back on the team meant they could hunt with more deadly efficiency than ever. It still made little difference, though, in the grand scheme of things, when wars and natural disasters were happening everywhere on such a global scale and they could save at most a town at a time if they were really lucky.
But then Sam looked up from his laptop to say, "Maybe we can do more."
"More how?" Dean asked.
"Well, there's nothing we can do about hurricanes and earthquakes, but we know the wars are only going on because all the top politicians in those countries are possessed, right?" He waited for Dean's slight nod of concession and then said, "We couldn't do anything about it before because there was no way we could've gotten to them, but now we've got Cas."
There was a heavy pause, during which Dean glanced from Sam to Castiel, who was sitting quietly in a corner, and then back to Sam again. When the the impact of Sam's words sunk in, he said slowly, "So you're saying that we should zap around and visit all the Capitol Hills of the world to get our exorcise on?"
Sam sat back in his chair and eyed Dean levelly. "That's exactly what I'm saying."
Dean nodded to himself. "Huh." He wasn't used to doing anything on such a massive scale and the thought intimidated him more than a little bit, but then again, the apocalypse was happening on a massive scale, so perhaps it was time for them to start thinking big as well. The more he thought about it, the more he warmed up to the idea, and it even excited him, the prospect of finally and truly being able to make a difference. He looked over at Castiel again. "Cas?"
"It's doable," Castiel pronounced, and that was good enough for them.
Dean had never been out of the country before in his life (except for those couple of times Dad had taken them to Canada, which didn't count, and that time he'd gone to Hell, which probably also didn't count), and now, over the course of a week, Castiel took them to Pakistan, North Korea, France, China, and Israel. It was a bit of a culture shock for Dean, but the demons there were the same as the ones he'd always known even if the people weren't, so at least in that sense he could treat them as regular jobs. Also extremely helpful was the fact that Castiel apparently knew every language in the world, so they were happy to let him do all the talking even if Castiel did get strange looks from time to time. Dean supposed he was just as out of his depth when it came to their social customs as he was when it came to American ones, and he had to suppress some grins.
All in all, they were surprisingly successful, and when Dean turned on the TV back in their little motel room in Sioux City to see the results of their efforts in world news broadcasts, well, that was kind of a rush. For the first time, Dean felt something other than hopelessness where the apocalypse was concerned, and he fought with something more than forced doggedness.
Sam's mood lightened quite a bit as well, but Castiel seemed stuck on the fact that despite having saved what probably amounted to millions of people, they still hadn't touched upon the root of the problem, which was Lucifer. He didn't come up with any brilliant plans to do so, though, and Dean didn't have any ideas either, so he mostly just took to distracting Castiel whenever he seemed discontent.
It started innocently enough, with Dean showing Castiel how to rig up tripwires to dump buckets of water on Sam's head as he walked through a doorway, but Castiel didn't seem to understand the point of the exercise, and when Sam came at Dean, soaked and pissy, Castiel merely stopped him and handed him a towel while Dean hid behind Castiel and wheezed with laughter. Then Castiel turned to him with a small frown.
He was equally unamused when Dean started cursing from the shower because it was March and Sam had turned off their room's water heater, and when Sam's whole mouth went numb after he brushed his teeth, Castiel merely tilted his head. They had to call a truce when everything Dean ate for breakfast one day burned his mouth because Sam had injected habanero pepper sauce into it and Dean drank so much water he ended up having to pee in the middle of a hunt. Sam gloated for the entire rest of the day, and Castiel seemed faintly concerned.
After that, Dean decided that the only way to teach Castiel how to have a sense of humor was through practical lessons. (He also figured this to be the safer way to go, since he knew Castiel wouldn't retaliate.) When Castiel sat on a whoopee cushion and an enormous fart ripped out from underneath him, he tensed a little in surprise and seemed unsure of how to react to being pranked. At first he shifted in embarrassment and pretended not to notice the obnoxiously loud flatulence, but that only made it worse, and after ten whole seconds of it, he finally reached beneath him to pull the whoopee cushion out. Dean grinned, and Castiel shot him an indignant look.
If Dean had thought he was safe from retaliation because Castiel was above such childish pranks, though, he was sorely mistaken. Castiel saw his whoopee cushion and raised him an astral plane whoopee cushion. It was far more embarrassing for Dean, who sat down in the driver's seat of the Impala and fart noises followed him for the entire drive because he could neither see nor locate anything beneath him except for the seat, and through it all Castiel's face was completely deadpan in the rear view mirror. Dean thought he could see amusement lurking in his eyes, though, and decided that Castiel had an alright sense of humor after all; it was just hidden most of the time. Sam's was not hidden. He almost died from glee-induced asphyxiation that day, and Dean glared at them both.
After that, it only got worse. Dean taped pictures from Busty Asian Beauties to pages of a book he knew Castiel would need for research, and Castiel made sure every channel on TV that night was broadcasting some Jesus-loving sermon, which continued even after Dean turned the damned TV off and unplugged it. (When Dean left the motel in a huff to pass a few hours in a bar, though, Castiel joined him and kept him company.) And when Dean super glued all of Castiel's food to his plate, every bite Dean took of his own food disappeared as soon as he put it in his mouth and Castiel started chewing beside him with great satisfaction. (Castiel brought him chicken wings later so Dean wouldn't have to go to bed hungry and actually let him eat them.) The whole thing was, quite frankly, extremely unfair, especially since Dean had the sneaking suspicion that Castiel was conspiring against him with Sam. Not that that stopped Dean from laughing at the way Castiel's eyes widened when he sat down on his usual chair for the night and the legs gave out to send him crashing to the floor. Castiel climbed to his feet in as dignified a manner as possible, huffed at Dean, and went to sit on the couch instead.
It came to a head the next morning when Dean woke up floating four feet above his bed and freaked out, twisting quite frantically in midair and jerking Sam into alarmed wakefulness. Sam laughed in surprise, but Castiel took mercy on Dean and lowered him gently back onto his bed. Nevertheless, when Dean left the motel in search of breakfast ten minutes later, he was still feeling a little shaken.
Castiel frowned faintly as he fell into step beside Dean and realized this. "I wouldn't have let you fall," he offered.
"Yeah, I know," Dean replied shortly without looking at him. Of course he knew, and it wouldn't have done any damage even if he had fallen onto the bed, but that didn't exactly nix his fear of heights, nor his embarrassment over having freaked out so badly.
Castiel dropped his gaze to the pavement as they walked and said quietly, "I'm sorry."
It was a bit ridiculous, listening to Castiel apologize for pulling a prank on Dean when Dean was the one who'd started everything, so Dean nudged him with an elbow and gave him a conciliatory smile. "Hey. What do you want for breakfast?"
He liked making Castiel choose because even small decisions were better than none, and now Castiel glanced thoughtfully up at him for a moment before replying, "Donuts and coffee."
"Donuts and coffee it is, then," Dean declared, but they were stopped halfway through the parking lot.
Michael materialized in front of them and all the air around them suddenly seemed charged and dangerous. Dean and Castiel stopped immediately and tensed.
"What the hell do you want this time?" Dean challenged. This cryptic archangel routine was starting to get really, really old.
But Michael, it seemed, was finally willing to give them some straight answers. He glanced briefly at Dean before his gaze settled on Castiel and he said, "I came to apologize." There was a stilted pause before he added, "For the harm I caused you." It sounded forced and uncomfortable, but it was an apology nonetheless, and Dean's jaw went slack in surprise. He was pretty sure Heaven's top badass didn't apologize often, or lightly, and he could see from Castiel's profile that he was even more shocked than Dean was. Apology over and done with, Michael commenced glaring imperiously at them and generally looking like he was far above apologizing to the likes of Castiel.
Castiel recovered first and said hesitantly, "You are forgiven." He sounded kind of awed.
Dean, on the other hand, was done being awed. There was no way he was going to let the bastard off the hook this easily, and now he took a step forward, pointed a finger at Michael, and told him in no uncertain terms, "You are not forgiven."
He heard Castiel make an unhappy noise behind him, but Michael didn't do much more than look annoyed. "What would you have me do before you'll let me speak with him in peace?" he snapped at Dean.
"How about..." Dean paused for dramatic effect before finishing sarcastically, "Oh, I know, kill Lucifer?"
"I can't," Michael said crossly.
Dean sneered. "Or you won't."
Michael took a threatening step toward him, and Dean backed up automatically. His bravado only went so far in the face of an archangel, after all, and he was grateful when Castiel pressed closer. It made Michael stop and snort in irritation. "My orders are to leave Lucifer alone."
"Your orders?" Dean echoed incredulously. "You're Michael." He glanced to his side, but Castiel didn't seem in the least bit surprised that Michael actually had orders to follow. Dean turned back to the archangel and had kind of a sickening thought. "Are you saying God actually wants you to let Lucifer destroy the world? And possibly Heaven too?"
"I don't know what God wants," Michael snapped, and then his eyes widened a little at the admission.
There was a pause while Dean tried to figure out what that implied, and then Castiel said softly, "You're doubting your orders."
Michael glared at him but didn't deny it. "They make no sense; Lucifer rose almost a year ago and still I'm told to wait."
Dean raised his eyebrows. "Whoa, whoa," he cut in, drawing both angels' eyes to himself. "If you don't know what God wants, then who the hell are you taking orders from?"
"Zachariah."
Dean gaped. "Zachariah? You're taking orders from that little shit?" They'd said last time that Zachariah was one of the four angels who'd seen God, but still, this was more than a little ridiculous. Michael's eyes narrowed dangerously at the insult, but Dean went on. "I thought you were the head badass in charge and not just one more mindless little puppet."
"I am Heaven's most powerful warrior," Michael said haughtily.
And Dean finished for him, "Who Zachariah jerks around on strings."
"Dean," Castiel hissed, and for once Dean actually heeded and subsided, though more out of curiosity over where this conversation was going than out of any real respect for the archangel. Castiel said to Michael, "This is why you wanted to know why I disobeyed."
"Tell me," Michael commanded.
"I already told you. I did it for Dean, and because I thought it was the right thing to do."
Michael made a small, frustrated noise. "But why?"
Castiel sighed and looked over at Dean. "If you can't see anything in humanity worth saving, then I can't explain it to you," he said, a little sadly. "Perhaps it's the sort of understanding that only comes from getting close to them." Dean might've blushed a little here, but neither angel seemed to notice, and Castiel went on. "I disobeyed for Dean, but also because, like you, my orders made no sense to me. They didn't feel like God's orders anymore."
For a long while Michael searched his eyes, and Dean found himself wondering what Castiel really looked like again, what Michael was seeing. He pushed the thought away when Michael spoke again. "You don't regret it?"
Castiel lifted his chin almost imperceptibly. "No."
Dean looked down and pursed his lips. That was a lot of shit Castiel had gone through to not regret. Dean knew a little something about making brash decisions based on not being able to let someone go, and he couldn't say he didn't regret his own decision, even if he did get to keep his Sammy in the end. Then again, Castiel's decision hadn't been directly responsible for setting the apocalypse in motion, and nor had he turned into a monster, so that obviously had something to do with it as well. Still, Dean felt like he owed it to Castiel to try his damnedest not to let Castiel lose him. He also felt like it was kind of amazing, this assurance that he was worth keeping to Castiel, like Sam was worth keeping to him. Of course, Castiel had already made that abundantly clear several times, so it wasn't exactly news, but somehow, Dean never failed to find each new reminder oddly gratifying.
Sam's voice from behind them distracted him from his thoughts. "You're Michael, right?" Dean spun around in surprise; he hadn't expected his brother to show up, but then again, they were in plain view from the motel window.
Sam came to stand on Dean's other side, and Michael eyed him up and down. "Sam Winchester," he said mildly.
"Yeah, the boy with the demon blood," Sam supplied with a hint of sarcasm, but it didn't seem to be a dig at Castiel. "I want it gone."
Michael raised his eyebrows at the commanding tone and studied him closely, which made Dean a bit nervous even though he was rather proud of the way Sam stood so tall under the scrutiny. Perhaps, he thought distantly, this was how Castiel felt every time Dean mouthed off to the archangel, though most likely it was less pride and more nervousness, in his case. When it became apparent Michael wasn't going to respond, Sam said impatiently, "You can do it, right? Burn it out of me?"
"Of course."
"Then do it."
"It makes you more powerful," Michael pointed out, and his seeming inability to understand why Sam would want to make himself weaker was a stark contrast to the way Castiel had once said, I'm glad to hear you've ceased your extracurricular activities.
Sam snorted. "I don't want to be more powerful. I want to be more human." Michael shifted and opened his mouth to say something, but Sam got there first. "Look, just do it, okay?"
And to everyone's surprise, Michael paused for only a moment before stepping forward and placing a palm against Sam's forehead. Sam stiffened and arched, and his eyes and mouth opened wide and began to glow. Dean moved toward him in instinctive alarm, but Castiel stopped him with a hand on his forearm, so he stayed put and gritted his teeth. It didn't last long, at least, no more than a few seconds. Then Michael removed his hand and stepped back, leaving Sam to stumble in disorientation. Dean grabbed his arm to steady him, and after a few moments Sam looked up at him and his eyes focused.
"How do you feel?" Dean asked.
Sam thought about it for a moment before shrugging. "Like normal."
Dean glanced back at Castiel, who confirmed, "It's gone."
Michael snorted faintly, like he was indignant that anyone had doubted him. It made Sam smile at him -- one of those tiny but boyishly awed smiles -- and say, "Thank you."
For a moment Michael seemed surprised, but then he glanced at Castiel once more and disappeared, before Dean got the chance to tell him he still wasn't forgiven.
Once he was gone, Sam turned to Dean, breathing shallowly and still looking all wide-eyed, and said, "It's gone."
Dean grinned a little as his own relief began settling in. It was true that Sam hadn't tried to use his powers for months now, but Dean could tell that he'd been tempted to, a few times. Now they'd never have to worry about it again, and Dad's whispers about having to kill Sam to save him finally eased their grip on Dean after years of haunting him. "Yeah, Sammy," he said fondly. "It's gone."
***
Later, when it was just Dean and Castiel in the room, lounging around on the couch but not exactly in the mood for TV after all, Dean said thoughtfully, "So, Zach's the one in charge of everything, huh?"
Castiel looked over at him and replied, "Not exactly. There are two other angels besides him and Lucifer who have also seen the face of God, and the three of them work together in conveying God's will, but he is the only one of the three on Earth right now."
"Basically, he's the coach pulling strings from behind the scenes and Michael's just the star quarterback who gets all the glory?"
"Something like that," Castiel said uncertainly. "Archangels are the most powerful of us all by far, but they were never meant to be what you might call... management types."
"But what's to stop them from deciding they're done being on the receiving end of orders and taking over Heaven?"
Castiel gave him a mildly reproving look. "They are good soldiers. The most loyal."
"And yet he obviously hasn't even told Zachariah where we are," Dean pointed out. "How does he keep finding us, anyway? I thought we were hidden."
"We are, but Michael has always been able to find his way around things." Castiel paused and added, "Lucifer, too. But perhaps Michael hasn't told Zachariah our whereabouts simply because Zachariah hasn't asked."
Dean pursed his lips and didn't quite like the sound of that. "Well, whatever. He certainly doesn't seem so happy with the way Zach is running things."
"I had the same doubts," Castiel said.
There was a pause, and then Dean asked, "Think he'll rebel?"
Castiel sighed and leaned back into the couch to look up at the ceiling. "I hope so," he said eventually. "If Michael rebels, the world will be saved."
Dean let out a low whistle. "Well, I guess that takes the pressure off of me, then," he said lightly. He'd never truly believed that the fate of the world rested in his hands or whatever the hell that crap prophecy had said, but it was nice to know for certain that there was someone out there who actually had the power to save the world. Dean just wished he had the will to.
"You have a part to play yet."
Dean raised his eyebrows. "Yeah? What's that? Am I supposed to find Michael a fair maiden to fall in love with so he'll be moved to save the world?"
"I don't know," Castiel admitted.
Dean snorted and watched his profile for a few moments. Castiel seemed restful but not exactly peaceful, so Dean tried, "I bet you still have a part to play too."
Castiel turned his head to look at Dean. "I already tried."
"So try again." That made Castiel frown and look away, so Dean said, "Come on, Cas, you're just gonna stay down every time someone kicks you?"
"I'm not a leader, Dean," Castiel said quietly.
Dean rolled his eyes. "You will be if you actually, you know, lead."
Castiel shook his head. "I'm not meant for it."
"Michael himself is a hair away from following in your footsteps," Dean pointed out, and Castiel turned wide eyes on him. "Get back out there and show him how this rebellion thing is done."
"But how?" Castiel asked, sounding stressed.
Dean shrugged. "I dunno, Cas, but what you were doing before worked for awhile, right? Gathering other angels or something? You just have to take extra precautions against Lucifer now that you know he's got his eye on you."
Castiel chewed on his bottom lip and seemed torn for a long while. Eventually he asked, "What about you and Sam?"
"We'll be alright," Dean assured him with a wry smile. "No more zapping halfway around the globe to promote world peace, I guess, but we can still kill some sons of bitches back home."
"I might fail again," Castiel said, and then looked away in embarrassment.
"You might not," Dean said firmly. "But even if you do..." He trailed off and shrugged. "I'll still be here, and there will still be a tomorrow."
Castiel looked at him and then looked away again and fell silent, and this time he didn't speak for so long that Dean thought the conversation was over. But finally, Castiel said quietly, "Okay."
And Dean felt a rush of pride for him, of course, but it was bittersweet because now he'd have to let Castiel go again when that was the last thing he wanted to do. But Castiel had been growing more and more restless over the past few days, and Dean knew that no amount of pranks would distract him from what he clearly still felt he needed to do, so now he pushed down his own selfishness and insecurities. It was a lot easier this time, surprisingly, but maybe that was only because Dean was also much more certain that Castiel would come back to him. So, he smiled a little and echoed, "Okay." But then he remembered something else. "Wait, Cas, I almost forgot."
Dean got up and went over to his bag, where the Hershey's Hugs he'd gotten Castiel for Christmas were still buried underneath his clothes. He dug them up and tossed them over to Castiel with a, "Here, catch." Castiel caught the bag in surprise, and Dean give him a small, lopsided grin. "For the road."
"Thank you," Castiel said softly, and the look he gave Dean was at once grateful and wistful. A moment later, he was gone.
The grin faded from Dean's lips and he let out a slow breath as he sank back down onto the couch, alone once more.
***
It wasn't easier this time, having to adjust to Castiel's absence again. Dean still worried about him, and he still missed him, and Sam certainly still teased him.
When he wasn't teasing Dean, though, Sam did actually try to distract him from thinking about Castiel, and even though Dean would never admit to it or acknowledge it with words, he appreciated the effort. They fell back into their regular monster hunt routine, and even though it didn't come with the personal satisfaction of knowing they were saving millions, the smiles and tears (and a blow job, in Dean's case) of thanks they did get were almost enough. All in all, life was okay.
Then Lucifer found them again, and this time, he came in person.
It had been just another demon job, but when one of them had escaped being stabbed, it had apparently gone straight to the devil. So now here Lucifer was, and he didn't care that Dean and Sam made the last of the recovering victims run for their lives as soon as he appeared. All he cared about was Dean, and, apparently, Sam as well.
"I'm not going to wait anymore," he said thinly, and threw Dean and Sam up against separate tree trunks as he approached them. They were in the middle of the woods in someone's backyard, and it was almost reminiscent of their first meeting, but gone were Lucifer's soft words of persuasion. He moved and spoke briskly now, with an undercurrent of sharp cruelty, and Dean swallowed hard. He knew immediately that this time, they really were in trouble.
He was right. When Lucifer smiled coldly, Dean froze inside. And when Lucifer said, "Join me or Sam goes to Hell right now," Dean despaired.
There was no time for stalling or coming up with any sort of plan, because they were finally out of time. Neither of them could even speak or move more than their heads. Just enough to nod. Dean wanted to -- part of him was frantic to, because Sam Sam Sam -- but still, he couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't know what Lucifer would make him do to innocent people if he agreed to join him, what blood oath he'd make Dean swear to take back ownership of his soul, and he didn't know what would happen to Sam even if he did nod.
But he knew what would happen to Sam if he didn't nod, and soon, too. He knew so, so well. When Lucifer narrowed his eyes impatiently and Sam made a pained, wet wheezing sound from a few feet away, Dean slammed his eyes shut and thought, Castiel!
He knew, of course, that Castiel didn't stand a chance against the devil, but Dean was reeling from how fast everything had happened and panicking and completely out of time or any other options. All he knew was that he needed, and that Castiel was his savior.
Castiel came to his aid, just as he'd promised he would, and Lucifer didn't wait around, just as he'd promised, too. When Castiel appeared behind him with a gust of wind, Lucifer smirked and said, "Always so predictable, Dean. But I like that quality in you; I've been meaning to have a few words with my little brother." It sent Dean's heart plummeting, and suddenly guilt and dread washed away any sort of relief he might have felt at seeing Castiel, because he realized now that he'd called Castiel straight into a trap. Now Lucifer had all three of them, right where he wanted them.
Before he could yell at Castiel to leave them, and before he could even decide that he truly wanted Castiel to leave them, Castiel attacked. He had some sort of knife in one hand, and he moved with inhuman speed. One moment he was several yards behind Lucifer, and the next moment, he was almost upon him.
But Lucifer moved even more quickly. He spun around and raised a palm against Castiel, and that was all it took to send him flying backwards and crashing to the ground where he'd first appeared. Castiel simply vanished, only to reappear behind Lucifer again, upright and knife held ready, but this time when he tried to stab the devil, he simply couldn't. There seemed to be invisible bonds holding him in place, and he couldn't move his arm more than a few inches. All he could do was struggle futilely, and it hurt Dean everywhere to watch him be so helpless and to know that the fight was already over barely seconds after it had begun.
"Castiel, Castiel," Lucifer chided. "Did you really think your childish games with the other angels would amount to anything more than an annoyance for me? I let you go last time, but you just couldn't quit, could you?" His voice was harder when he added, "My patience grows thinner."
"Now, as for you..." Lucifer turned away from Castiel to give Dean a small, cruel smile as he approached him. "Thanks to your little stunt, one of them will now go to Hell regardless of whether or not you say yes to me. For what it's worth, I hope it's your pet angel, since I like Sam much better, personally." Without another pause, he extended both arms and sent something that Dean couldn't quite see but could certainly feel all the way through to his bones as raw, terrifying power hurtling outward in both directions. He was aiming for both Sam and Castiel, and even though Dean realized he could move again, he stood rooted to the spot for one long, horrible moment, because there was no way he could save them both.
He looked at Castiel -- at the way he was still struggling wildly to get away -- and made the choice he would always and inevitably have to make: He threw himself in front of Sam.
Whatever kind of force it was that Lucifer had sent to hurl Sam into Hell, it blew past them harmlessly, but for Castiel, it was a different story. It hit him square in the chest at the exact moment that he looked at Dean, and when their eyes met, Dean could finally see the terror in them. It broke him completely, and then Castiel threw his head back and screamed as light poured out of his eyes and mouth.
It wasn't a human scream. Castiel's real voice pierced the air around them and sent Dean and Sam crumbling to their knees, hands trying vainly to cover bleeding ears and heads feeling close to splitting. They were forced to squeeze their eyes shut, too, as everything around them became engulfed in blinding light, and then came the stench of Hell, so strong it made Dean retch.
There was an explosion, and everything went black.
Part 14
Characters: Dean and Castiel, Sam, Michael, Lucifer
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~7,100
Notes: There aren't any spoilers for 5x06, but there's a bit that's stolen from and inspired by the episode because I couldn't help it. XD Thanks to
ibroketuesday for being so relentless with this chapter. ♥Summary: Castiel tries to deal with the consequences of his decisions, and Dean only wants to help. Michael and Lucifer also make appearances.
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12
Three things happened in that pleasant, hazy blur between sound sleep and complete wakefulness: Dean sensed the warm, solid presence of another body in his arms, he pressed himself and his morning wood against it instinctively, and the body tensed all over.
Castiel's alarm jerked Dean awake immediately, in the same instant that he remembered that the warm, solid body in his arms was Castiel's. He rolled away hastily, an apology already on his lips as he snapped his eyes open. "Sorry, shit, I didn't mean anything," he said hoarsely, mouth dry and suddenly tense all over himself from fear that he'd fucked up again after he'd promised not to and Castiel would get that terrible, betrayed look on his face and disappear. Dean didn't know if he could handle that again, especially this early in the morning.
But Castiel relaxed, and his eyes were calm and clear as he looked up at Dean. They were also really, really close, because Dean's attempt to roll away had been somewhat hindered by the fact that one of his arms was still trapped beneath Castiel's body. It was a bit of a miracle that he hadn't lost feeling in it, but then again, Dean thought (somewhat inanely) that perhaps he shouldn't be so surprised at small miracles considering he was in bed with an angel.
Then it finally registered in his sleep-disoriented mind that he was actually in bed with an angel. With Castiel, even. He'd figured it to be a dream, the night before, but apparently that wasn't the case, so now... Dean's eyes darted over to Sam's bed, only to find it empty. "Where's Sam?" he asked automatically.
"He woke up twenty-two minutes ago," Castiel replied solemnly. "Then he left twenty-one minutes ago. I believe he urgently required something from the library."
Dean snorted. "Yeah, I bet." But whatever, he would deal with Sam and the fact that he was doomed to a fate of eternal mocking later. For now, he glanced down at Castiel and felt himself warm up a little in the face. He felt like he should apologize again, for the, ah, subconscious sexual advancement, but he wasn't sure how to without embarrassing himself completely. Eventually he settled for, "Sorry again, about the..." He trailed off with a vague wave downward and then said, "Thought you were some not-exactly-busty but still foxy lady."
Castiel regarded him impassively for a moment, and then actually glanced down between them. At first Dean was about to be relieved because the comforter was still mostly wrapped around both of them -- at least where it counted -- but then he had the sinking thought that Castiel could probably see through it. This led to wondering if Castiel could see through his clothes, too, on a regular basis, and Dean would have groaned at himself if Castiel hadn't interrupted his thoughts by saying, "It's a natural physical reaction. You needn't apologize for it."
There was a silence, during which Dean felt exceptionally awkward and Castiel mostly just stared at him with those stupidly big, penetrating eyes of his. At least they were never judgmental, though, which Dean was grateful for. Eventually, Castiel looked away and bit his lip. "It's not that I'm not... curious," he said slowly, his words carefully measured, "but it's still not something I want." Then he looked up at Dean with some uncertainty, as if he still wasn't completely convinced it was really his place to want or not want things. "And Jimmy--"
"Cas, I said it didn't matter, remember?" Dean interrupted, and if he sounded grouchier than usual, well, he really couldn't be blamed for the way he sounded while being embarrassed and sporting blue balls first thing in the morning. "You don't want it, Jimmy doesn't want it, it's cool. Can we drop it now?" He pulled his trapped arm out from under Castiel and rubbed at his face with both hands. Dean had gotten so good at not thinking about Castiel in any sort of sexual context, he really had, but at the moment, Castiel really wasn't making it easy for him. Here he was, in Dean's bed and still practically pressed up against him, telling him he was curious about sex -- about letting Dean's hands and lips roam all over his bare skin, showing him all the places on his body he didn't know could feel so good and drawing soft noises from him -- in the presence of Dean's hard-on. No wonder Uriel's response to Sam saying that angels were supposed to show mercy had been to laugh.
Uriel, now that was an angel who, even in death, had the power to wilt Dean's erection. Dean thought about him for a minute, hands still covering his face, while Castiel thankfully remained silent beside him. When the ache dulled to something that wasn't completely distracting, Dean yawned and stretched and reached up to tuck his hands under his head. "So," he began conversationally, eyes on the ceiling, "You don't sleep, right?"
It was a rhetorical question, but Castiel answered anyway, "No." Dean was surprisingly comfortable with the thought of Castiel lying awake for hours against him while he slept.
"Then what have you been thinking about for the past--" he glanced at the clock and continued, "--five and a half hours?"
Instead of answering immediately, Castiel followed Dean's example and lay back to gaze at the ceiling, his head on the pillow beside Dean's and his body perfectly straight but at ease. They were still touching, since the bed was so small, but Dean tried not to think about that, or about how nice this felt, to have Castiel in bed next to him, even without any sexual connotations.
Eventually Castiel said, "I'm sorry for trying to blame you." He didn't seem nearly as miserable as he'd been last night, but he was certainly still unhappy.
Dean shrugged. "S'okay, Cas."
"I still don't understand why you called me, though."
"Lucifer was threatening to do something to you unless I agreed to join him," Dean explained. "I was just trying to warn you."
He could see Castiel turn his head to look at him out of the corner of his eye. When Castiel spoke again, his tone was sharper. "Lucifer was in your dream?"
"He interrupted a rather nice one, too, I think it was about ice cream body shots--"
"I wasn't there when you needed me after all," Castiel said softly, turning back to look at the ceiling again, and Dean thought he could hear a bit of bitterness in there as well.
His first thought was to inform Castiel that he was a big boy and could take care of himself, but then he had a second thought and nudged Castiel with a knee. "Hey, you helped a little. I managed to kick him out of my head and wake up, didn't I? It was only because of what you said last time."
Castiel ignored his words and said firmly, "I will be there next time."
Dean snorted softly. "What? Come on, Cas, I don't need a babysitter. You can still go out there and do your thing."
"No," Castiel replied, a little too quickly.
Dean's eyebrows shot up and he turned his head to watch Castiel's profile. "No? What, you're just gonna give up?"
"I got my brothers killed, Dean," Castiel said harshly. "You were right from the beginning; it was foolish."
"Screw what I said before, you were making good progress."
"It was all for nothing."
"You said your brothers were helping you spread the word, right? That means there's gotta be other angels out there who'd still listen to you," Dean pointed out.
Castiel's eyes narrowed at the ceiling. "They shouldn't. I was wrong to think I could lead them."
Dean pursed his lips at the stubbornness and tried again. "Look, Cas, just because things went to shit this time doesn't mean your plan was a bad one. It just means you gotta make some adjustments to it."
"Can't I stay here with you?" Castiel asked, suddenly sounding uncertain again and turning to look back at Dean.
God knew it was what Dean wanted too, but he wanted Castiel to stay for the right reasons. Being able to follow Dean around and return to effectively letting his decisions be made for him because he was too afraid to make his own was not the right reason. "Of course you can," Dean said anyway, because that much was true, at least, and he wanted Castiel to be sure of it. "You're always welcome here. That doesn't mean you should always hide here."
"I'm not hiding," Castiel said, a bit testily.
Dean snorted up at the ceiling. If Castiel wanted to play this denial game, there was little he could do about it. He figured he ought to give Castiel a few days to sort through the doubtlessly enormous mess in his head before trying again, so for now, he let a mostly-comfortable silence settle between them. Castiel thought his angel thoughts, and Dean thought about the apocalypse and wondered how much more they'd all lose if he kept saying no to Lucifer. He also wondered how much more they'd all lose if he didn't keep saying no to Lucifer.
They remained like that for maybe twenty minutes because Dean was reluctant to move away from Castiel and Castiel was probably reluctant to move away from him, too. But then sounds of the Impala's engine filtered in through the window and signaled Sam's return, at which point Dean swore under his breath and hastily ducked into the bathroom before his brother could actually come back inside and see him still in bed with Castiel.
***
Sam smiled a huge, brilliant smile when Dean got out of the shower. "Good morning," he said brightly.
Castiel was still there, though thankfully he'd also gotten out of bed and was now standing next to it, once again fully dressed and wearing shoes. Dean glanced between his solemn, unsuspecting expression and Sam's beaming one and warned, "I've got plenty of duct tape at hand."
Sam opened his mouth to say something, but then glanced at Castiel and apparently decided better of it, so he merely smirked at Dean instead. It was full of glee and promise, and Dean despaired. Still, though, when he caught Castiel giving Sam a faintly puzzled look and clearly not understanding why he was in such high spirits, Dean smiled a little inwardly and knew he could never regret having been there for Castiel when he'd needed him. Taunts from an annoying little brother were inconsequential.
They were also inevitable, though. Some time later, Dean and Sam left Castiel to get into the car and the first words out of Sam's mouth were, "So, was it good? I mean, it must've been, if there was cuddling."
Dean glared at him, but he'd left the duct tape in the trunk. Instead of dignifying his brother with an actual reply, he simply turned the music up far louder than was necessary and let AC/DC drown Sam out. Sam made a bitchface, and it was Dean's turn to smirk.
***
Castiel blended smoothly back into their lives over the course of the next few days. He spent even more time with Dean and Sam than he had in the past -- keeping the Impala's backseat warm during long drives, joining them at diners where he wouldn't know what to order so Dean would end up having to order twice the amount he usually ate so he'd have enough to share with Castiel (this seemed to please both Sam and Castiel, so Dean resigned himself to it), even sitting through nights in their motel rooms while they slept. It was almost like he was trying to make up for lost time over the past couple of months, or keeping a closer eye on them now that Lucifer was more active, or maybe he just didn't want to be alone. In any case, it made Dean worry that he'd run into the problem of not being able to let Castiel go all over again, even though he knew he'd have to eventually. Castiel wouldn't be happy with bumming around with them forever; he'd have to gather his courage and strike out on his own again sooner or later, and Dean would have to encourage that.
For now, though, the three of them still worked well together, and the fact that they had an angel back on the team meant they could hunt with more deadly efficiency than ever. It still made little difference, though, in the grand scheme of things, when wars and natural disasters were happening everywhere on such a global scale and they could save at most a town at a time if they were really lucky.
But then Sam looked up from his laptop to say, "Maybe we can do more."
"More how?" Dean asked.
"Well, there's nothing we can do about hurricanes and earthquakes, but we know the wars are only going on because all the top politicians in those countries are possessed, right?" He waited for Dean's slight nod of concession and then said, "We couldn't do anything about it before because there was no way we could've gotten to them, but now we've got Cas."
There was a heavy pause, during which Dean glanced from Sam to Castiel, who was sitting quietly in a corner, and then back to Sam again. When the the impact of Sam's words sunk in, he said slowly, "So you're saying that we should zap around and visit all the Capitol Hills of the world to get our exorcise on?"
Sam sat back in his chair and eyed Dean levelly. "That's exactly what I'm saying."
Dean nodded to himself. "Huh." He wasn't used to doing anything on such a massive scale and the thought intimidated him more than a little bit, but then again, the apocalypse was happening on a massive scale, so perhaps it was time for them to start thinking big as well. The more he thought about it, the more he warmed up to the idea, and it even excited him, the prospect of finally and truly being able to make a difference. He looked over at Castiel again. "Cas?"
"It's doable," Castiel pronounced, and that was good enough for them.
Dean had never been out of the country before in his life (except for those couple of times Dad had taken them to Canada, which didn't count, and that time he'd gone to Hell, which probably also didn't count), and now, over the course of a week, Castiel took them to Pakistan, North Korea, France, China, and Israel. It was a bit of a culture shock for Dean, but the demons there were the same as the ones he'd always known even if the people weren't, so at least in that sense he could treat them as regular jobs. Also extremely helpful was the fact that Castiel apparently knew every language in the world, so they were happy to let him do all the talking even if Castiel did get strange looks from time to time. Dean supposed he was just as out of his depth when it came to their social customs as he was when it came to American ones, and he had to suppress some grins.
All in all, they were surprisingly successful, and when Dean turned on the TV back in their little motel room in Sioux City to see the results of their efforts in world news broadcasts, well, that was kind of a rush. For the first time, Dean felt something other than hopelessness where the apocalypse was concerned, and he fought with something more than forced doggedness.
Sam's mood lightened quite a bit as well, but Castiel seemed stuck on the fact that despite having saved what probably amounted to millions of people, they still hadn't touched upon the root of the problem, which was Lucifer. He didn't come up with any brilliant plans to do so, though, and Dean didn't have any ideas either, so he mostly just took to distracting Castiel whenever he seemed discontent.
It started innocently enough, with Dean showing Castiel how to rig up tripwires to dump buckets of water on Sam's head as he walked through a doorway, but Castiel didn't seem to understand the point of the exercise, and when Sam came at Dean, soaked and pissy, Castiel merely stopped him and handed him a towel while Dean hid behind Castiel and wheezed with laughter. Then Castiel turned to him with a small frown.
He was equally unamused when Dean started cursing from the shower because it was March and Sam had turned off their room's water heater, and when Sam's whole mouth went numb after he brushed his teeth, Castiel merely tilted his head. They had to call a truce when everything Dean ate for breakfast one day burned his mouth because Sam had injected habanero pepper sauce into it and Dean drank so much water he ended up having to pee in the middle of a hunt. Sam gloated for the entire rest of the day, and Castiel seemed faintly concerned.
After that, Dean decided that the only way to teach Castiel how to have a sense of humor was through practical lessons. (He also figured this to be the safer way to go, since he knew Castiel wouldn't retaliate.) When Castiel sat on a whoopee cushion and an enormous fart ripped out from underneath him, he tensed a little in surprise and seemed unsure of how to react to being pranked. At first he shifted in embarrassment and pretended not to notice the obnoxiously loud flatulence, but that only made it worse, and after ten whole seconds of it, he finally reached beneath him to pull the whoopee cushion out. Dean grinned, and Castiel shot him an indignant look.
If Dean had thought he was safe from retaliation because Castiel was above such childish pranks, though, he was sorely mistaken. Castiel saw his whoopee cushion and raised him an astral plane whoopee cushion. It was far more embarrassing for Dean, who sat down in the driver's seat of the Impala and fart noises followed him for the entire drive because he could neither see nor locate anything beneath him except for the seat, and through it all Castiel's face was completely deadpan in the rear view mirror. Dean thought he could see amusement lurking in his eyes, though, and decided that Castiel had an alright sense of humor after all; it was just hidden most of the time. Sam's was not hidden. He almost died from glee-induced asphyxiation that day, and Dean glared at them both.
After that, it only got worse. Dean taped pictures from Busty Asian Beauties to pages of a book he knew Castiel would need for research, and Castiel made sure every channel on TV that night was broadcasting some Jesus-loving sermon, which continued even after Dean turned the damned TV off and unplugged it. (When Dean left the motel in a huff to pass a few hours in a bar, though, Castiel joined him and kept him company.) And when Dean super glued all of Castiel's food to his plate, every bite Dean took of his own food disappeared as soon as he put it in his mouth and Castiel started chewing beside him with great satisfaction. (Castiel brought him chicken wings later so Dean wouldn't have to go to bed hungry and actually let him eat them.) The whole thing was, quite frankly, extremely unfair, especially since Dean had the sneaking suspicion that Castiel was conspiring against him with Sam. Not that that stopped Dean from laughing at the way Castiel's eyes widened when he sat down on his usual chair for the night and the legs gave out to send him crashing to the floor. Castiel climbed to his feet in as dignified a manner as possible, huffed at Dean, and went to sit on the couch instead.
It came to a head the next morning when Dean woke up floating four feet above his bed and freaked out, twisting quite frantically in midair and jerking Sam into alarmed wakefulness. Sam laughed in surprise, but Castiel took mercy on Dean and lowered him gently back onto his bed. Nevertheless, when Dean left the motel in search of breakfast ten minutes later, he was still feeling a little shaken.
Castiel frowned faintly as he fell into step beside Dean and realized this. "I wouldn't have let you fall," he offered.
"Yeah, I know," Dean replied shortly without looking at him. Of course he knew, and it wouldn't have done any damage even if he had fallen onto the bed, but that didn't exactly nix his fear of heights, nor his embarrassment over having freaked out so badly.
Castiel dropped his gaze to the pavement as they walked and said quietly, "I'm sorry."
It was a bit ridiculous, listening to Castiel apologize for pulling a prank on Dean when Dean was the one who'd started everything, so Dean nudged him with an elbow and gave him a conciliatory smile. "Hey. What do you want for breakfast?"
He liked making Castiel choose because even small decisions were better than none, and now Castiel glanced thoughtfully up at him for a moment before replying, "Donuts and coffee."
"Donuts and coffee it is, then," Dean declared, but they were stopped halfway through the parking lot.
Michael materialized in front of them and all the air around them suddenly seemed charged and dangerous. Dean and Castiel stopped immediately and tensed.
"What the hell do you want this time?" Dean challenged. This cryptic archangel routine was starting to get really, really old.
But Michael, it seemed, was finally willing to give them some straight answers. He glanced briefly at Dean before his gaze settled on Castiel and he said, "I came to apologize." There was a stilted pause before he added, "For the harm I caused you." It sounded forced and uncomfortable, but it was an apology nonetheless, and Dean's jaw went slack in surprise. He was pretty sure Heaven's top badass didn't apologize often, or lightly, and he could see from Castiel's profile that he was even more shocked than Dean was. Apology over and done with, Michael commenced glaring imperiously at them and generally looking like he was far above apologizing to the likes of Castiel.
Castiel recovered first and said hesitantly, "You are forgiven." He sounded kind of awed.
Dean, on the other hand, was done being awed. There was no way he was going to let the bastard off the hook this easily, and now he took a step forward, pointed a finger at Michael, and told him in no uncertain terms, "You are not forgiven."
He heard Castiel make an unhappy noise behind him, but Michael didn't do much more than look annoyed. "What would you have me do before you'll let me speak with him in peace?" he snapped at Dean.
"How about..." Dean paused for dramatic effect before finishing sarcastically, "Oh, I know, kill Lucifer?"
"I can't," Michael said crossly.
Dean sneered. "Or you won't."
Michael took a threatening step toward him, and Dean backed up automatically. His bravado only went so far in the face of an archangel, after all, and he was grateful when Castiel pressed closer. It made Michael stop and snort in irritation. "My orders are to leave Lucifer alone."
"Your orders?" Dean echoed incredulously. "You're Michael." He glanced to his side, but Castiel didn't seem in the least bit surprised that Michael actually had orders to follow. Dean turned back to the archangel and had kind of a sickening thought. "Are you saying God actually wants you to let Lucifer destroy the world? And possibly Heaven too?"
"I don't know what God wants," Michael snapped, and then his eyes widened a little at the admission.
There was a pause while Dean tried to figure out what that implied, and then Castiel said softly, "You're doubting your orders."
Michael glared at him but didn't deny it. "They make no sense; Lucifer rose almost a year ago and still I'm told to wait."
Dean raised his eyebrows. "Whoa, whoa," he cut in, drawing both angels' eyes to himself. "If you don't know what God wants, then who the hell are you taking orders from?"
"Zachariah."
Dean gaped. "Zachariah? You're taking orders from that little shit?" They'd said last time that Zachariah was one of the four angels who'd seen God, but still, this was more than a little ridiculous. Michael's eyes narrowed dangerously at the insult, but Dean went on. "I thought you were the head badass in charge and not just one more mindless little puppet."
"I am Heaven's most powerful warrior," Michael said haughtily.
And Dean finished for him, "Who Zachariah jerks around on strings."
"Dean," Castiel hissed, and for once Dean actually heeded and subsided, though more out of curiosity over where this conversation was going than out of any real respect for the archangel. Castiel said to Michael, "This is why you wanted to know why I disobeyed."
"Tell me," Michael commanded.
"I already told you. I did it for Dean, and because I thought it was the right thing to do."
Michael made a small, frustrated noise. "But why?"
Castiel sighed and looked over at Dean. "If you can't see anything in humanity worth saving, then I can't explain it to you," he said, a little sadly. "Perhaps it's the sort of understanding that only comes from getting close to them." Dean might've blushed a little here, but neither angel seemed to notice, and Castiel went on. "I disobeyed for Dean, but also because, like you, my orders made no sense to me. They didn't feel like God's orders anymore."
For a long while Michael searched his eyes, and Dean found himself wondering what Castiel really looked like again, what Michael was seeing. He pushed the thought away when Michael spoke again. "You don't regret it?"
Castiel lifted his chin almost imperceptibly. "No."
Dean looked down and pursed his lips. That was a lot of shit Castiel had gone through to not regret. Dean knew a little something about making brash decisions based on not being able to let someone go, and he couldn't say he didn't regret his own decision, even if he did get to keep his Sammy in the end. Then again, Castiel's decision hadn't been directly responsible for setting the apocalypse in motion, and nor had he turned into a monster, so that obviously had something to do with it as well. Still, Dean felt like he owed it to Castiel to try his damnedest not to let Castiel lose him. He also felt like it was kind of amazing, this assurance that he was worth keeping to Castiel, like Sam was worth keeping to him. Of course, Castiel had already made that abundantly clear several times, so it wasn't exactly news, but somehow, Dean never failed to find each new reminder oddly gratifying.
Sam's voice from behind them distracted him from his thoughts. "You're Michael, right?" Dean spun around in surprise; he hadn't expected his brother to show up, but then again, they were in plain view from the motel window.
Sam came to stand on Dean's other side, and Michael eyed him up and down. "Sam Winchester," he said mildly.
"Yeah, the boy with the demon blood," Sam supplied with a hint of sarcasm, but it didn't seem to be a dig at Castiel. "I want it gone."
Michael raised his eyebrows at the commanding tone and studied him closely, which made Dean a bit nervous even though he was rather proud of the way Sam stood so tall under the scrutiny. Perhaps, he thought distantly, this was how Castiel felt every time Dean mouthed off to the archangel, though most likely it was less pride and more nervousness, in his case. When it became apparent Michael wasn't going to respond, Sam said impatiently, "You can do it, right? Burn it out of me?"
"Of course."
"Then do it."
"It makes you more powerful," Michael pointed out, and his seeming inability to understand why Sam would want to make himself weaker was a stark contrast to the way Castiel had once said, I'm glad to hear you've ceased your extracurricular activities.
Sam snorted. "I don't want to be more powerful. I want to be more human." Michael shifted and opened his mouth to say something, but Sam got there first. "Look, just do it, okay?"
And to everyone's surprise, Michael paused for only a moment before stepping forward and placing a palm against Sam's forehead. Sam stiffened and arched, and his eyes and mouth opened wide and began to glow. Dean moved toward him in instinctive alarm, but Castiel stopped him with a hand on his forearm, so he stayed put and gritted his teeth. It didn't last long, at least, no more than a few seconds. Then Michael removed his hand and stepped back, leaving Sam to stumble in disorientation. Dean grabbed his arm to steady him, and after a few moments Sam looked up at him and his eyes focused.
"How do you feel?" Dean asked.
Sam thought about it for a moment before shrugging. "Like normal."
Dean glanced back at Castiel, who confirmed, "It's gone."
Michael snorted faintly, like he was indignant that anyone had doubted him. It made Sam smile at him -- one of those tiny but boyishly awed smiles -- and say, "Thank you."
For a moment Michael seemed surprised, but then he glanced at Castiel once more and disappeared, before Dean got the chance to tell him he still wasn't forgiven.
Once he was gone, Sam turned to Dean, breathing shallowly and still looking all wide-eyed, and said, "It's gone."
Dean grinned a little as his own relief began settling in. It was true that Sam hadn't tried to use his powers for months now, but Dean could tell that he'd been tempted to, a few times. Now they'd never have to worry about it again, and Dad's whispers about having to kill Sam to save him finally eased their grip on Dean after years of haunting him. "Yeah, Sammy," he said fondly. "It's gone."
***
Later, when it was just Dean and Castiel in the room, lounging around on the couch but not exactly in the mood for TV after all, Dean said thoughtfully, "So, Zach's the one in charge of everything, huh?"
Castiel looked over at him and replied, "Not exactly. There are two other angels besides him and Lucifer who have also seen the face of God, and the three of them work together in conveying God's will, but he is the only one of the three on Earth right now."
"Basically, he's the coach pulling strings from behind the scenes and Michael's just the star quarterback who gets all the glory?"
"Something like that," Castiel said uncertainly. "Archangels are the most powerful of us all by far, but they were never meant to be what you might call... management types."
"But what's to stop them from deciding they're done being on the receiving end of orders and taking over Heaven?"
Castiel gave him a mildly reproving look. "They are good soldiers. The most loyal."
"And yet he obviously hasn't even told Zachariah where we are," Dean pointed out. "How does he keep finding us, anyway? I thought we were hidden."
"We are, but Michael has always been able to find his way around things." Castiel paused and added, "Lucifer, too. But perhaps Michael hasn't told Zachariah our whereabouts simply because Zachariah hasn't asked."
Dean pursed his lips and didn't quite like the sound of that. "Well, whatever. He certainly doesn't seem so happy with the way Zach is running things."
"I had the same doubts," Castiel said.
There was a pause, and then Dean asked, "Think he'll rebel?"
Castiel sighed and leaned back into the couch to look up at the ceiling. "I hope so," he said eventually. "If Michael rebels, the world will be saved."
Dean let out a low whistle. "Well, I guess that takes the pressure off of me, then," he said lightly. He'd never truly believed that the fate of the world rested in his hands or whatever the hell that crap prophecy had said, but it was nice to know for certain that there was someone out there who actually had the power to save the world. Dean just wished he had the will to.
"You have a part to play yet."
Dean raised his eyebrows. "Yeah? What's that? Am I supposed to find Michael a fair maiden to fall in love with so he'll be moved to save the world?"
"I don't know," Castiel admitted.
Dean snorted and watched his profile for a few moments. Castiel seemed restful but not exactly peaceful, so Dean tried, "I bet you still have a part to play too."
Castiel turned his head to look at Dean. "I already tried."
"So try again." That made Castiel frown and look away, so Dean said, "Come on, Cas, you're just gonna stay down every time someone kicks you?"
"I'm not a leader, Dean," Castiel said quietly.
Dean rolled his eyes. "You will be if you actually, you know, lead."
Castiel shook his head. "I'm not meant for it."
"Michael himself is a hair away from following in your footsteps," Dean pointed out, and Castiel turned wide eyes on him. "Get back out there and show him how this rebellion thing is done."
"But how?" Castiel asked, sounding stressed.
Dean shrugged. "I dunno, Cas, but what you were doing before worked for awhile, right? Gathering other angels or something? You just have to take extra precautions against Lucifer now that you know he's got his eye on you."
Castiel chewed on his bottom lip and seemed torn for a long while. Eventually he asked, "What about you and Sam?"
"We'll be alright," Dean assured him with a wry smile. "No more zapping halfway around the globe to promote world peace, I guess, but we can still kill some sons of bitches back home."
"I might fail again," Castiel said, and then looked away in embarrassment.
"You might not," Dean said firmly. "But even if you do..." He trailed off and shrugged. "I'll still be here, and there will still be a tomorrow."
Castiel looked at him and then looked away again and fell silent, and this time he didn't speak for so long that Dean thought the conversation was over. But finally, Castiel said quietly, "Okay."
And Dean felt a rush of pride for him, of course, but it was bittersweet because now he'd have to let Castiel go again when that was the last thing he wanted to do. But Castiel had been growing more and more restless over the past few days, and Dean knew that no amount of pranks would distract him from what he clearly still felt he needed to do, so now he pushed down his own selfishness and insecurities. It was a lot easier this time, surprisingly, but maybe that was only because Dean was also much more certain that Castiel would come back to him. So, he smiled a little and echoed, "Okay." But then he remembered something else. "Wait, Cas, I almost forgot."
Dean got up and went over to his bag, where the Hershey's Hugs he'd gotten Castiel for Christmas were still buried underneath his clothes. He dug them up and tossed them over to Castiel with a, "Here, catch." Castiel caught the bag in surprise, and Dean give him a small, lopsided grin. "For the road."
"Thank you," Castiel said softly, and the look he gave Dean was at once grateful and wistful. A moment later, he was gone.
The grin faded from Dean's lips and he let out a slow breath as he sank back down onto the couch, alone once more.
***
It wasn't easier this time, having to adjust to Castiel's absence again. Dean still worried about him, and he still missed him, and Sam certainly still teased him.
When he wasn't teasing Dean, though, Sam did actually try to distract him from thinking about Castiel, and even though Dean would never admit to it or acknowledge it with words, he appreciated the effort. They fell back into their regular monster hunt routine, and even though it didn't come with the personal satisfaction of knowing they were saving millions, the smiles and tears (and a blow job, in Dean's case) of thanks they did get were almost enough. All in all, life was okay.
Then Lucifer found them again, and this time, he came in person.
It had been just another demon job, but when one of them had escaped being stabbed, it had apparently gone straight to the devil. So now here Lucifer was, and he didn't care that Dean and Sam made the last of the recovering victims run for their lives as soon as he appeared. All he cared about was Dean, and, apparently, Sam as well.
"I'm not going to wait anymore," he said thinly, and threw Dean and Sam up against separate tree trunks as he approached them. They were in the middle of the woods in someone's backyard, and it was almost reminiscent of their first meeting, but gone were Lucifer's soft words of persuasion. He moved and spoke briskly now, with an undercurrent of sharp cruelty, and Dean swallowed hard. He knew immediately that this time, they really were in trouble.
He was right. When Lucifer smiled coldly, Dean froze inside. And when Lucifer said, "Join me or Sam goes to Hell right now," Dean despaired.
There was no time for stalling or coming up with any sort of plan, because they were finally out of time. Neither of them could even speak or move more than their heads. Just enough to nod. Dean wanted to -- part of him was frantic to, because Sam Sam Sam -- but still, he couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't know what Lucifer would make him do to innocent people if he agreed to join him, what blood oath he'd make Dean swear to take back ownership of his soul, and he didn't know what would happen to Sam even if he did nod.
But he knew what would happen to Sam if he didn't nod, and soon, too. He knew so, so well. When Lucifer narrowed his eyes impatiently and Sam made a pained, wet wheezing sound from a few feet away, Dean slammed his eyes shut and thought, Castiel!
He knew, of course, that Castiel didn't stand a chance against the devil, but Dean was reeling from how fast everything had happened and panicking and completely out of time or any other options. All he knew was that he needed, and that Castiel was his savior.
Castiel came to his aid, just as he'd promised he would, and Lucifer didn't wait around, just as he'd promised, too. When Castiel appeared behind him with a gust of wind, Lucifer smirked and said, "Always so predictable, Dean. But I like that quality in you; I've been meaning to have a few words with my little brother." It sent Dean's heart plummeting, and suddenly guilt and dread washed away any sort of relief he might have felt at seeing Castiel, because he realized now that he'd called Castiel straight into a trap. Now Lucifer had all three of them, right where he wanted them.
Before he could yell at Castiel to leave them, and before he could even decide that he truly wanted Castiel to leave them, Castiel attacked. He had some sort of knife in one hand, and he moved with inhuman speed. One moment he was several yards behind Lucifer, and the next moment, he was almost upon him.
But Lucifer moved even more quickly. He spun around and raised a palm against Castiel, and that was all it took to send him flying backwards and crashing to the ground where he'd first appeared. Castiel simply vanished, only to reappear behind Lucifer again, upright and knife held ready, but this time when he tried to stab the devil, he simply couldn't. There seemed to be invisible bonds holding him in place, and he couldn't move his arm more than a few inches. All he could do was struggle futilely, and it hurt Dean everywhere to watch him be so helpless and to know that the fight was already over barely seconds after it had begun.
"Castiel, Castiel," Lucifer chided. "Did you really think your childish games with the other angels would amount to anything more than an annoyance for me? I let you go last time, but you just couldn't quit, could you?" His voice was harder when he added, "My patience grows thinner."
"Now, as for you..." Lucifer turned away from Castiel to give Dean a small, cruel smile as he approached him. "Thanks to your little stunt, one of them will now go to Hell regardless of whether or not you say yes to me. For what it's worth, I hope it's your pet angel, since I like Sam much better, personally." Without another pause, he extended both arms and sent something that Dean couldn't quite see but could certainly feel all the way through to his bones as raw, terrifying power hurtling outward in both directions. He was aiming for both Sam and Castiel, and even though Dean realized he could move again, he stood rooted to the spot for one long, horrible moment, because there was no way he could save them both.
He looked at Castiel -- at the way he was still struggling wildly to get away -- and made the choice he would always and inevitably have to make: He threw himself in front of Sam.
Whatever kind of force it was that Lucifer had sent to hurl Sam into Hell, it blew past them harmlessly, but for Castiel, it was a different story. It hit him square in the chest at the exact moment that he looked at Dean, and when their eyes met, Dean could finally see the terror in them. It broke him completely, and then Castiel threw his head back and screamed as light poured out of his eyes and mouth.
It wasn't a human scream. Castiel's real voice pierced the air around them and sent Dean and Sam crumbling to their knees, hands trying vainly to cover bleeding ears and heads feeling close to splitting. They were forced to squeeze their eyes shut, too, as everything around them became engulfed in blinding light, and then came the stench of Hell, so strong it made Dean retch.
There was an explosion, and everything went black.
Part 14
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-10-18 09:57 pm (UTC)I want to know what happens next so much I could hurl. HURRY UP AND WRITE IT, BITCH! *whimpers*
no subject
Date: 2009-10-18 10:00 pm (UTC)I WILL, I WILL. Ilu, don't hurl.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-10-18 10:09 pm (UTC)*wails*
Oh, please tell me we won't have to wait too long for the next part
no subject
Date: 2009-10-18 10:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-18 10:10 pm (UTC)Your cliffhangers are evil. :(
no subject
Date: 2009-10-18 10:20 pm (UTC)And thank you!
no subject
Date: 2009-10-18 10:11 pm (UTC)awakencordy: FUCK!
awakencordy: I HATE YOU TRACY!
keidis: what
keidis: what what what
keidis: WHAAAAATT!!!
awakencordy: I HATE HER OH MY GODDDD
awakencordy: I NEARLY SCREAMED!
awakencordy: DAMN!
This was so good! SFGHJDJFGDFHDFHDHD You teased me so well with the happiness and prettiness and YOU TOOK IT ALL AWAY AGAIN! My fangirl self hates you so much right now but my logic self loves you loads and loads more. YOU ARE TURNING ME INTO A MASOCHIST.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-18 10:21 pm (UTC)Hahhh. No, but really. I'm thrilled this made you all capslocky with rage! XD
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-10-18 10:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 12:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 12:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-18 10:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 12:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-10-18 10:27 pm (UTC)2. ...is it bad that I hate Dean for choosing Sam? D:
3. I trust you. Cas will come back....right!? And there will be lovins? PLZKTHNX.
4. That was awesome, I can't wait for more ^_^
no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 12:43 am (UTC)2. Well, Dean will always always always choose Sam, there's kind of no way around that. :(
3. ♥
4. Thank you so much!
no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 12:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-18 10:51 pm (UTC)AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH D: D:
no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 12:44 am (UTC):D :D
no subject
Date: 2009-10-18 10:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 12:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-18 11:01 pm (UTC)*WAILS*
THE END BROKE ME!!!!
IF I HAVE NIGHTMARES OF CASTIEL GOING TO HELL TONIGHT, IT WILL BE YOUR FAULT!!!
*sniffles*
I hope you're working on the next part.... *impatiently waiting because the angst was too much....*
no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 12:45 am (UTC)*CUDDLES* I HOPE YOU DON'T GET NIGHTMARES, THOUGH.
I will write more soon! THANK YOU for still reading this! ♥
no subject
Date: 2009-10-18 11:09 pm (UTC)BUT OMG...GUURRLLLL YOU KILLED ME WITH THAT CLIFFHANGER. :'(!!!!!!!
no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 12:46 am (UTC)SORRY. AND THANK YOU, ALSO.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-18 11:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 12:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-18 11:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 12:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-18 11:30 pm (UTC)I hate you *cries*
no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 12:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-18 11:42 pm (UTC)I love that you write the interaction between Dean and Castiel, and that they're growing closer by sharing emotional moments but also through mundane activities & pranks. They just have such a great connection with each other.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 12:48 am (UTC)Thank you so much for saying that! It's amazing to know their interactions and their connection is working. ♥
no subject
Date: 2009-10-18 11:50 pm (UTC)CASTIEL SECRETS FROM THE PAST FEW DAYS:
1 (http://img243.imageshack.us/img243/5213/whdwci.jpg) (which has a pretty entertaining comment thread here (http://community.livejournal.com/fandomsecrets/368601.html?thread=199765977#t199765977)), 2 (http://i754.photobucket.com/albums/xx188/scamstar07/FSSNP1.png), 3 (http://i36.tinypic.com/spayyx.png), 4 (http://i38.tinypic.com/25ph5w3.png), 5 (http://i36.tinypic.com/15ea4nk.jpg), 6 (http://i34.tinypic.com/23vc376.jpg), 7 (http://i37.tinypic.com/5eiwlv.jpg), 8 (http://img15.imageshack.us/img15/5871/secretlssc.png), and, entirely unrelated, this cat looks just like Castiel (http://i33.tinypic.com/2wn7h37.png).
Also:
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 05:11 pm (UTC)Michael apologizing but still being so huffy about it, heee, I've grown quite fond of him myself. But, ahhh, I think Dean and Castiel are on their own for this one, sorry.
*hugs* Thank you!
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 12:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 05:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 12:07 am (UTC)I'm a little relieved he choose Sam, for a split second before this
I felt my stomach drop. Its like I know he will choose Sam, he'll always choose Sam but the idea of having to choose always makes me squirm.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 05:13 pm (UTC)The idea of him having to choose between Sam and Castiel makes me squirm, too. Which is why I had to make him do it, of course. XD
Thank you!
no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 05:14 pm (UTC)Thank you so much for continuing to like this so much!
no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 12:48 am (UTC)But then... D:
D: forever. Or at least until you update again.
D: D: D: D: D:
Also, my iTunes on shuffle has some ideas for the soundtrack to this fic, I've been told I have to say. "Go The Distance" from Hercules, which was adorable for Cas... but also "If You Were Gay" from Avenue Q.
What?
no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 05:17 pm (UTC)SORRY FOR ALL THE D: AND TEARS AND PAIN. Except I'm not really sorry, sorry!
♥!
no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 12:52 am (UTC)(I continue to love this fic, especially pain in the ass little brother Sam. <3)
no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 05:18 pm (UTC)Thank you so much, I'm thrilled you're still enjoying the ride! :D
no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 01:40 am (UTC)ps> I hate you the way an addict hates their dealer.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-19 05:19 pm (UTC)I love you the way a dealer loves their addict. Thanks for keeping me in business. :D