Fic: Bits and Pieces (Dean/Castiel, PG-13)
May. 3rd, 2009 11:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tracy_loo_whoUhm, lol, episode reaction part 3? :P *facepalm*
But first, remember this promo for the episode? Watch it again and tell me it doesn't hurt you. D:
Title: Bits and Pieces
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~2,200
Spoilers: 4x20 - The Rapture
Notes: Uhhm,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ibroketuesday wanted me to write this, so I did, since I'm her goddamn monkey, but I have absolutely no idea what to make of how it turned out. Seriously, none, I can't even quite think straight at the moment. :/ So, SORRY IF YOU HATE IT.
Summary: He catches only bits and pieces, but every new bit and piece is bitter.
Castiel is different now, Jimmy can feel it. There are parts of him that are missing. Those are the parts that came into existence to fill the hole in Castiel that Dean's knife left, and those are the parts that Dean fed and shaped into something huge and bright with every glare and every plea. Those parts are gone, now, but what's left isn't the clear, impassive single-mindedness from Castiel's first days on earth. What's left is bitterness, and its intensity almost washes Jimmy's away.
He's surprised, because he has never been able to relate to Castiel like this before. Whatever they did to him in Heaven, Jimmy doesn't think it's made Castiel less human at all.
***
It always burns, having an angel inside of him. Not in a painful way, per se, but in a stifling, overwhelming way, in a way that puts too much hot pressure on every atom in his body. Jimmy used to like it when Dean was around, because he calmed the fires sometimes, and Jimmy breathed easiest on that night he and Castiel spent by Dean's bed.
Now Dean's presence makes everything worse. His voice makes Castiel's anger flare, and when Castiel says, "I certainly don't serve you," that flare engulfs Jimmy. He has just enough time to wonder, before things go black, why Castiel is so bitter at Dean.
***
Of course, it's pretty easy to figure out, once he comes to again. Dean led Castiel astray, Castiel got caught, and they hurt him for it. They hurt him badly, Jimmy thinks, because he's still hurting badly, somehow. He doesn't ask what happened to him, but he does wonder.
He also wonders why Dean doesn't wonder. Well, to be fair, there are moments when Dean watches Castiel and Jimmy thinks he must be wondering, but he never asks. All he does is talk about Sam, though the bits and pieces Jimmy can catch of Dean are always short, these days, because Castiel's bitterness always surges up to drown him.
Jimmy just wishes Dean would notice, for Castiel's sake. He thinks the fact that Dean doesn't might be hurting Castiel more than what the angels did.
***
Maybe it's because Dean doesn't know, Jimmy thinks when they appear beside Dean and he startles, like he still isn't used to Castiel. Sure, Dean knows that it had something to do with him, and there are flashes of confusion or concern or guilt or all three sometimes when he isn't being combative, but he doesn't know. He doesn't know that even when weeks or months passed during which he never saw Castiel, Castiel saw him almost every day. And he especially doesn't know that he is worth seeing every day in the first place.
Jimmy can't blame him for not caring more, he supposes. Neither can Castiel, but part of him does anyway, especially when Dean scowls and asks, "What the hell do you want now?"
Castiel's wrath comes quickly, and Jimmy goes just as quickly.
***
"He's not even human anymore." The dim voice makes Jimmy stir, and he pulls himself up toward consciousness. It's Dean, and he's angry about something.
Then there's Bobby's voice. "I'm just saying, Dean, maybe we should try to look at it from his--"
"How can you even defend him, Bobby?" Dean asks incredulously. "He's not human."
And that's when Jimmy realizes that Dean can't see Castiel, or feel his presence. He certainly can't feel Castiel's sharp flinch at the words not human, but Jimmy can.
***
He finds that he can't resent Castiel for tearing him away from his family when Dean turns his back and walks away from them. If Amelia and Claire are moving on, at least Jimmy doesn't have to watch it happen. It's easier to be happy for them, that way.
Castiel does have to watch it happen. He has to watch Dean stop wondering, cold order after cold order, what happened to that angel who once cared enough to bend the rules of Heaven for him.
Castiel wants to fly after him and shake him and maybe even hurt him, but of course he doesn't, because that wouldn't serve Heaven's purpose at all. Jimmy thinks it must suck to be Castiel even more than it sucks to be him.
***
Sam is gone. Jimmy has no idea how it happened, because he wasn't awake for that, but he is awake to watch Dean crack a mirror with his fist. He doesn't move to stop the bleeding, and nor does Castiel. "You shouldn't damage your hand," he says dispassionately before they fly away.
Sometimes, Jimmy wonders who he has given his body to. He wonders what happened to Castiel in Heaven, and he also wonders what happened to Sam right under their nose. Sam has always been more severe and more consumed with hunting than Dean, but Castiel and Jimmy watched him tell Dean that he'd pick Porky's 2, once. Castiel didn't know what he meant, but it made Jimmy smile.
Mostly, Jimmy wonders about Amelia and Claire. He misses them.
***
Castiel opens their mouth to say, "If they can't escape in time, you will have to kill them. We cannot risk any of them getting possessed and feeding their blood to Sam during the battle."
Dean grits his teeth and looks away and doesn't say anything.
But he does kill them, when the time comes, just as Castiel ordered. Sam gets away anyway, and afterward Dean folds in on himself on the floor and buries his head in his arms and doesn't look up for a long time. He looks just as broken and alone as Castiel has felt since he got back, and Jimmy feels Castiel think, I did this to him. There is a tiny bit of vicious satisfaction and a lot of devastating regret.
***
There's terror, too, in the wet trail of that single tear that slides out of the corner of Dean's eye when he thinks no one is watching.
And then no one is watching, because Castiel drags Jimmy's body through so many dimensions of space he loses count. Before he fades, he wonders if it sucks more to be Dean because everything he's lost is hurting him or if it sucks more to be Castiel because he hurts for both of them when he isn't allowed to hurt for either.
***
It sucks to be everyone, Jimmy decides. He can't go home, Castiel can't go to Dean because he's afraid of what going to Dean will make him feel, Dean still hasn't noticed because he has lost Sam, and Sam has lost himself to what he used to hunt.
Jimmy takes comfort in the thought that at least Amelia and Claire still have each other, but it's hard to because Castiel is always inside him, and his quiet hurt is always bleeding into Jimmy. He wishes he could do something for him, angels aren't supposed to ache and yearn like this, but he can't fix Castiel because he isn't the one Castiel aches and yearns for. He doesn't even know if Dean can fix Castiel, because then the angels would only break him again, but Jimmy wishes he would try anyway.
***
He isn't sure if it gets better or worse when Zachariah and the other angels take over Castiel's dealings with Dean. Maybe it's a little better at first, because it gives Castiel time away to think, but then it gets worse, because it gives Castiel time away to think.
All he ever thinks about is Dean. The way Castiel misses him isn't much different from the way Jimmy misses his family.
***
As it turns out, Dean misses Castiel, too.
It's been three difficult, suffocating months since they last saw Dean, and here's Zachariah, telling Castiel that Dean has asked for him.
"Why?" Castiel asks, and there's so much hope and dread that it pushes Jimmy down into blackness before he can hear the answer.
***
"Castiel." It's Dean's voice, and it takes a moment for Jimmy's fuzzy thoughts to wrap around why it sounds so strange. Then he realizes that he hasn't heard Dean say Castiel's full name in over a year, and for some reason that wakes him up completely. It might have something to do with the pang Castiel feels, he thinks.
"You wanted to speak with me," Castiel says impassively, though he is anything but.
"They're all the same," Dean says, and he sounds rougher than Jimmy remembers. He looks rougher, too. Dean's three months have probably been just as bad as theirs. "You're all the same, you goddamn angels with your merciless orders and pitiless smiting."
Castiel insists, "It is necessary, Dean."
Dean ignores him and continues, "But you weren't like this, once. You showed mercy and compassion, and it wasn't much but it was." His eyes are bright, and they're boring into Castiel and Jimmy's. "I didn't think-- But that was huge, wasn't it? That was huge."
"It was wrong," Castiel corrects him, and Jimmy's voice has never gone his low before.
"No, Cas, look--"
Cas. "Stop, Dean." Castiel is angry, suddenly, and his bitterness is back, and Jimmy has to fight to stay above it. "Whatever it is you need from me this time--"
Dean cuts him short. "I'm not trying to ask for anything! Damnit, Cas, all I wanted to tell you was that I get it! I get it, finally, and everything is too late now but I'm sorry." He stops, breathes, continues more quietly, "I'm sorry. I don't even know if you care anymore. I don't even know if you can care anymore."
For something that Castiel has waited for so desperately for so long, it's far worse to actually get it and know that the others won't ever let him have it. "I don't," he says harshly, and then they are gone and Castiel's despair overwhelms Jimmy completely.
***
Dean prays for the first time since that night by the Coke machine. He doesn't pray for help, though. He prays for Castiel.
Castiel tries to shut him out. All of those parts of him that Jimmy thought were missing were actually never missing after all, but now it's Castiel who's trying in vain desperation to cut them off, only he can't, because Dean disarms him, and everything burns so frantically it's actually hurting Jimmy.
He keeps quiet, usually, because who is he to interfere with the affairs of an angel? But now he can't keep quiet anymore, so he thinks, "You love him."
"Love?" Castiel hisses over the sound of Dean's prayers in their head, and there's something actually feral about him. "Love is watching his cheeks dent when he smiles and lighting his dreams and stopping a boy from trying to steal his car. This isn't love. This is knowing that giving him new wounds won't close my old ones but wanting to do it anyway. I don't want what's best for him, I don't want him to forgive himself, I just want him. This is the opposite of love."
"So in other words," Jimmy repeats slowly, "you love him."
Castiel closes their eyes and stops fighting and doesn't reply, but Jimmy doesn't have to hear it. He can feel it, after all: Yes.
There is nothing either of them can do about it.
***
Castiel takes all of his helpless wrath out on even more helpless demons the next day. They ambushed Dean and now they've got him cornered, but suddenly Castiel is there, dealing out holy justice to all of them because there can be none for himself, and in this moment he is truly terrifying like Jimmy has never seen him before. He can feel the thrill of cold power thrumming through his body, and it burns like ice. Even Dean looks alarmed, and it's not because of the demons.
But it's over quickly, and the two demons who haven't been burned out of existence flee before the angel of the Lord, and suddenly Castiel is just Cas again, deflated and uncertain as he looks down at Dean. Dean's nose is bloodied and he's sprawled on the ground with wide eyes, and Castiel hesitates only briefly before extending a hand to him.
Dean blinks and then takes it with a dry smile, and when Castiel pulls him to his feet, Dean pulls them into a hug, fierce and tight and with a murmured, "Thanks, Cas."
Jimmy is surprised, but Castiel goes absolutely rigid for a moment, before he panics and pushes at Dean and whispers, "Don't." And Dean holds on for only a second longer than he should, but it's all the time Castiel needs to wrap their arms around Dean so that when Dean tries to pull back, he can't. Castiel tightens their grip and squeezes their eyes shut and presses their face into Dean's shoulder, and even Heaven and lessons fall away because Jimmy's pretty sure that Castiel has never needed anything in his entire existence as much as he needs this right now.
Dean doesn't hesitate before his arms come back up around them and he holds Castiel in a way that makes Jimmy think he really and finally does understand, after all: protectively, and like he'll never let go. "I won't let them take you again, Cas," he whispers fervently, and all three of them know there isn't a damned thing he can do against the angels, but Dean means it. Jimmy thinks that might just be enough.
For the first time since Castiel possessed him, it doesn't burn.
fin.
Also, thank you to everyone who gave me thoughts on porn involving Jimmy! ♥ Off to reply to comments asap, I swear.
But first, remember this promo for the episode? Watch it again and tell me it doesn't hurt you. D:
Title: Bits and Pieces
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~2,200
Spoilers: 4x20 - The Rapture
Notes: Uhhm,
ibroketuesday wanted me to write this, so I did, since I'm her goddamn monkey, but I have absolutely no idea what to make of how it turned out. Seriously, none, I can't even quite think straight at the moment. :/ So, SORRY IF YOU HATE IT.Summary: He catches only bits and pieces, but every new bit and piece is bitter.
Castiel is different now, Jimmy can feel it. There are parts of him that are missing. Those are the parts that came into existence to fill the hole in Castiel that Dean's knife left, and those are the parts that Dean fed and shaped into something huge and bright with every glare and every plea. Those parts are gone, now, but what's left isn't the clear, impassive single-mindedness from Castiel's first days on earth. What's left is bitterness, and its intensity almost washes Jimmy's away.
He's surprised, because he has never been able to relate to Castiel like this before. Whatever they did to him in Heaven, Jimmy doesn't think it's made Castiel less human at all.
***
It always burns, having an angel inside of him. Not in a painful way, per se, but in a stifling, overwhelming way, in a way that puts too much hot pressure on every atom in his body. Jimmy used to like it when Dean was around, because he calmed the fires sometimes, and Jimmy breathed easiest on that night he and Castiel spent by Dean's bed.
Now Dean's presence makes everything worse. His voice makes Castiel's anger flare, and when Castiel says, "I certainly don't serve you," that flare engulfs Jimmy. He has just enough time to wonder, before things go black, why Castiel is so bitter at Dean.
***
Of course, it's pretty easy to figure out, once he comes to again. Dean led Castiel astray, Castiel got caught, and they hurt him for it. They hurt him badly, Jimmy thinks, because he's still hurting badly, somehow. He doesn't ask what happened to him, but he does wonder.
He also wonders why Dean doesn't wonder. Well, to be fair, there are moments when Dean watches Castiel and Jimmy thinks he must be wondering, but he never asks. All he does is talk about Sam, though the bits and pieces Jimmy can catch of Dean are always short, these days, because Castiel's bitterness always surges up to drown him.
Jimmy just wishes Dean would notice, for Castiel's sake. He thinks the fact that Dean doesn't might be hurting Castiel more than what the angels did.
***
Maybe it's because Dean doesn't know, Jimmy thinks when they appear beside Dean and he startles, like he still isn't used to Castiel. Sure, Dean knows that it had something to do with him, and there are flashes of confusion or concern or guilt or all three sometimes when he isn't being combative, but he doesn't know. He doesn't know that even when weeks or months passed during which he never saw Castiel, Castiel saw him almost every day. And he especially doesn't know that he is worth seeing every day in the first place.
Jimmy can't blame him for not caring more, he supposes. Neither can Castiel, but part of him does anyway, especially when Dean scowls and asks, "What the hell do you want now?"
Castiel's wrath comes quickly, and Jimmy goes just as quickly.
***
"He's not even human anymore." The dim voice makes Jimmy stir, and he pulls himself up toward consciousness. It's Dean, and he's angry about something.
Then there's Bobby's voice. "I'm just saying, Dean, maybe we should try to look at it from his--"
"How can you even defend him, Bobby?" Dean asks incredulously. "He's not human."
And that's when Jimmy realizes that Dean can't see Castiel, or feel his presence. He certainly can't feel Castiel's sharp flinch at the words not human, but Jimmy can.
***
He finds that he can't resent Castiel for tearing him away from his family when Dean turns his back and walks away from them. If Amelia and Claire are moving on, at least Jimmy doesn't have to watch it happen. It's easier to be happy for them, that way.
Castiel does have to watch it happen. He has to watch Dean stop wondering, cold order after cold order, what happened to that angel who once cared enough to bend the rules of Heaven for him.
Castiel wants to fly after him and shake him and maybe even hurt him, but of course he doesn't, because that wouldn't serve Heaven's purpose at all. Jimmy thinks it must suck to be Castiel even more than it sucks to be him.
***
Sam is gone. Jimmy has no idea how it happened, because he wasn't awake for that, but he is awake to watch Dean crack a mirror with his fist. He doesn't move to stop the bleeding, and nor does Castiel. "You shouldn't damage your hand," he says dispassionately before they fly away.
Sometimes, Jimmy wonders who he has given his body to. He wonders what happened to Castiel in Heaven, and he also wonders what happened to Sam right under their nose. Sam has always been more severe and more consumed with hunting than Dean, but Castiel and Jimmy watched him tell Dean that he'd pick Porky's 2, once. Castiel didn't know what he meant, but it made Jimmy smile.
Mostly, Jimmy wonders about Amelia and Claire. He misses them.
***
Castiel opens their mouth to say, "If they can't escape in time, you will have to kill them. We cannot risk any of them getting possessed and feeding their blood to Sam during the battle."
Dean grits his teeth and looks away and doesn't say anything.
But he does kill them, when the time comes, just as Castiel ordered. Sam gets away anyway, and afterward Dean folds in on himself on the floor and buries his head in his arms and doesn't look up for a long time. He looks just as broken and alone as Castiel has felt since he got back, and Jimmy feels Castiel think, I did this to him. There is a tiny bit of vicious satisfaction and a lot of devastating regret.
***
There's terror, too, in the wet trail of that single tear that slides out of the corner of Dean's eye when he thinks no one is watching.
And then no one is watching, because Castiel drags Jimmy's body through so many dimensions of space he loses count. Before he fades, he wonders if it sucks more to be Dean because everything he's lost is hurting him or if it sucks more to be Castiel because he hurts for both of them when he isn't allowed to hurt for either.
***
It sucks to be everyone, Jimmy decides. He can't go home, Castiel can't go to Dean because he's afraid of what going to Dean will make him feel, Dean still hasn't noticed because he has lost Sam, and Sam has lost himself to what he used to hunt.
Jimmy takes comfort in the thought that at least Amelia and Claire still have each other, but it's hard to because Castiel is always inside him, and his quiet hurt is always bleeding into Jimmy. He wishes he could do something for him, angels aren't supposed to ache and yearn like this, but he can't fix Castiel because he isn't the one Castiel aches and yearns for. He doesn't even know if Dean can fix Castiel, because then the angels would only break him again, but Jimmy wishes he would try anyway.
***
He isn't sure if it gets better or worse when Zachariah and the other angels take over Castiel's dealings with Dean. Maybe it's a little better at first, because it gives Castiel time away to think, but then it gets worse, because it gives Castiel time away to think.
All he ever thinks about is Dean. The way Castiel misses him isn't much different from the way Jimmy misses his family.
***
As it turns out, Dean misses Castiel, too.
It's been three difficult, suffocating months since they last saw Dean, and here's Zachariah, telling Castiel that Dean has asked for him.
"Why?" Castiel asks, and there's so much hope and dread that it pushes Jimmy down into blackness before he can hear the answer.
***
"Castiel." It's Dean's voice, and it takes a moment for Jimmy's fuzzy thoughts to wrap around why it sounds so strange. Then he realizes that he hasn't heard Dean say Castiel's full name in over a year, and for some reason that wakes him up completely. It might have something to do with the pang Castiel feels, he thinks.
"You wanted to speak with me," Castiel says impassively, though he is anything but.
"They're all the same," Dean says, and he sounds rougher than Jimmy remembers. He looks rougher, too. Dean's three months have probably been just as bad as theirs. "You're all the same, you goddamn angels with your merciless orders and pitiless smiting."
Castiel insists, "It is necessary, Dean."
Dean ignores him and continues, "But you weren't like this, once. You showed mercy and compassion, and it wasn't much but it was." His eyes are bright, and they're boring into Castiel and Jimmy's. "I didn't think-- But that was huge, wasn't it? That was huge."
"It was wrong," Castiel corrects him, and Jimmy's voice has never gone his low before.
"No, Cas, look--"
Cas. "Stop, Dean." Castiel is angry, suddenly, and his bitterness is back, and Jimmy has to fight to stay above it. "Whatever it is you need from me this time--"
Dean cuts him short. "I'm not trying to ask for anything! Damnit, Cas, all I wanted to tell you was that I get it! I get it, finally, and everything is too late now but I'm sorry." He stops, breathes, continues more quietly, "I'm sorry. I don't even know if you care anymore. I don't even know if you can care anymore."
For something that Castiel has waited for so desperately for so long, it's far worse to actually get it and know that the others won't ever let him have it. "I don't," he says harshly, and then they are gone and Castiel's despair overwhelms Jimmy completely.
***
Dean prays for the first time since that night by the Coke machine. He doesn't pray for help, though. He prays for Castiel.
Castiel tries to shut him out. All of those parts of him that Jimmy thought were missing were actually never missing after all, but now it's Castiel who's trying in vain desperation to cut them off, only he can't, because Dean disarms him, and everything burns so frantically it's actually hurting Jimmy.
He keeps quiet, usually, because who is he to interfere with the affairs of an angel? But now he can't keep quiet anymore, so he thinks, "You love him."
"Love?" Castiel hisses over the sound of Dean's prayers in their head, and there's something actually feral about him. "Love is watching his cheeks dent when he smiles and lighting his dreams and stopping a boy from trying to steal his car. This isn't love. This is knowing that giving him new wounds won't close my old ones but wanting to do it anyway. I don't want what's best for him, I don't want him to forgive himself, I just want him. This is the opposite of love."
"So in other words," Jimmy repeats slowly, "you love him."
Castiel closes their eyes and stops fighting and doesn't reply, but Jimmy doesn't have to hear it. He can feel it, after all: Yes.
There is nothing either of them can do about it.
***
Castiel takes all of his helpless wrath out on even more helpless demons the next day. They ambushed Dean and now they've got him cornered, but suddenly Castiel is there, dealing out holy justice to all of them because there can be none for himself, and in this moment he is truly terrifying like Jimmy has never seen him before. He can feel the thrill of cold power thrumming through his body, and it burns like ice. Even Dean looks alarmed, and it's not because of the demons.
But it's over quickly, and the two demons who haven't been burned out of existence flee before the angel of the Lord, and suddenly Castiel is just Cas again, deflated and uncertain as he looks down at Dean. Dean's nose is bloodied and he's sprawled on the ground with wide eyes, and Castiel hesitates only briefly before extending a hand to him.
Dean blinks and then takes it with a dry smile, and when Castiel pulls him to his feet, Dean pulls them into a hug, fierce and tight and with a murmured, "Thanks, Cas."
Jimmy is surprised, but Castiel goes absolutely rigid for a moment, before he panics and pushes at Dean and whispers, "Don't." And Dean holds on for only a second longer than he should, but it's all the time Castiel needs to wrap their arms around Dean so that when Dean tries to pull back, he can't. Castiel tightens their grip and squeezes their eyes shut and presses their face into Dean's shoulder, and even Heaven and lessons fall away because Jimmy's pretty sure that Castiel has never needed anything in his entire existence as much as he needs this right now.
Dean doesn't hesitate before his arms come back up around them and he holds Castiel in a way that makes Jimmy think he really and finally does understand, after all: protectively, and like he'll never let go. "I won't let them take you again, Cas," he whispers fervently, and all three of them know there isn't a damned thing he can do against the angels, but Dean means it. Jimmy thinks that might just be enough.
For the first time since Castiel possessed him, it doesn't burn.
fin.
Also, thank you to everyone who gave me thoughts on porn involving Jimmy! ♥ Off to reply to comments asap, I swear.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2009-05-04 04:00 am (UTC)This was fantastic, and rather realistic. I love it.
*saves to Dean/Castiel folder*
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Date: 2009-05-04 04:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-05-04 04:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 02:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 04:13 am (UTC)thanks!
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Date: 2009-05-05 02:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 04:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 02:13 pm (UTC)Er, anyway, thank you so much!
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Date: 2009-05-04 04:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 02:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 04:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 02:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 04:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 02:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 04:37 am (UTC)You really know how to tug at my heart strings.
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Date: 2009-05-05 02:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 02:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 04:51 am (UTC)And have I ever told you how well you portray Cas? Cause you do it damn good!
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Date: 2009-05-05 02:20 pm (UTC)Anyway, thank you so, so much for this, I love Cas to death and it makes me happy like nothing else when people think I portray him right! ♥
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Date: 2009-05-04 04:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 02:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 02:22 pm (UTC)Thank you thank you thank you, you flatter me incredibly. :"> ♥!
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Date: 2009-05-04 05:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 02:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 05:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 02:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 05:36 am (UTC)I STARTED TO TURN OFF CAPSLOCK, BUT LOSERCASE CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS. FUCK, THAT WAS SO GOOD AND SO PAINFUL AND I'M JUST SPEECHLESS. D:
Ahem. I loved that this was in Jimmy's POV and that even though it was just snatches and pieces, all the thoughts and scenes knitted together to form such a strong and tangible narrative whole. I can't even copy and paste my favourite lines in here because there are way too many. Seriously. D: Although, "It sucks to be everyone, Jimmy decides." forced a surprised laugh from me. Oh, Jimmy, ILU. <3 I can't believe you made me okay with Jimmy being alive. D:
Ugh, IDK IDK, I'm just so in love with this fic and this Cas and this Dean and this Jimmy. ♥ Might be back later to fangirl some more. =D
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Date: 2009-05-05 02:28 pm (UTC)Writing this has sort of made me love Jimmy a little, though! I bet he'll start seeing the potential in Dean and Castiel and help them along, maybe, heh.
But omg, omg, THANK YOU SO MUCH, BB, THIS REVIEW FLOORS ME COMPLETELY. ♥♥♥♥
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Date: 2009-05-04 05:37 am (UTC)Oh honey, this was brilliant and painful and beautiful. I think in future Jimmy could be helpful in getting into Castiel's head, and seeing it all from a different perspective. He certainly was here. Wonderful, my dear. Pretty Misha icon for you.
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Date: 2009-05-05 02:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 05:47 am (UTC)Also, I really felt like this was Jimmy's voice, you know? Especially this line: "So in other words," Jimmy repeats slowly, "you love him."
I could almost hear him so well, very in-character.
THANK YOU!
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Date: 2009-05-05 02:30 pm (UTC)THANK YOU, and wow, I'm really really really happy you think I got Jimmy's voice right, because I pretty much had no idea what I was doing. :">
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Date: 2009-05-04 05:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 02:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 06:17 am (UTC)this was amazing!
thank you!!!
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Date: 2009-05-05 02:32 pm (UTC)But yay, I'm thrilled you enjoyed this, bb, thank you so much!
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Date: 2009-05-04 06:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 02:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 06:31 am (UTC)'In other words, you love him'...well Duhh!!!! Who could not love Dean.
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Date: 2009-05-05 02:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 06:37 am (UTC)Because this line:
"Love is watching his cheeks dent when he smiles and lighting his dreams and stopping a boy from trying to steal his car. This isn't love. This is knowing that giving him new scars won't take my old ones away but wanting to do it anyway. I don't want him to be happy, I don't want him to forgive himself, I just want him. This is the opposite of love."
Broke me. Soo human. Oh, Cas.
And getting Jimmy as our pov, just inspired.
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Date: 2009-05-05 02:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 06:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 02:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 06:53 am (UTC)I could read fics of Cas getting hugged all day. He just needs it so badly! (And so do Sam and Dean, for that matter.)
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Date: 2009-05-05 02:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 07:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 02:35 pm (UTC)