tracy_loo_who | BSG 4x17 Parody

OPENING SEQUENCE: *is probably saving itself up for the finale*

	WRITERS: We wanted to go out with a bang (literally), so just warming up with a little hand!porn...
	KARA: This is my "you just woke me up from a dream about Lee's ~~bear~~ bare skin" look.
	DEAD!KARA: I can has all ur oral hygiene products! beams
	KARA: You may have my oral hygiene products, but I've got your ring and dog tag. Hah. WRITERS: Hands and boobs, oooh.
	WRITERS: Yep, still pervs. We've wanted to get Starbuck naked for years.
	KARA: ~~Look how pretty my hands are~~ This is the only tube of toothpaste I managed to rescue from my dead counterpart. Seeing as this show is refusing to give me any scenes with Lee and I'm not all that into molesting coma guys, I figured I'd give it to one of you. ADAMA: Little does she know that I struck a good deal with dead!Kara and lurk behind the scenes brushing my teeth violently at least five times per episode. It's like an addiction.
	KARA: My hands are really hot. FANS: NO, REALLY?
	KARA: I say things like "wank" now because I cannot stop dreaming about Lee, and I need other people to breathe as little O₂ as possible, also because I cannot stop dreaming about Lee and thus really need it.
	WRITERS: Foot fetish: yes, we went there.
	LEE: I get this funny tingly sensation whenever Kara's dreaming about me because our ~~love~~ connects us. ADAMA: If I shield my eyes, maybe no one will be able to tell how guilty I am about stealing all their oral hygiene products.
	ROSLIN: He's going to give us away by trying too hard not to give us away, I can just tell. Men.
	LEE: I am good at shaking hands with cylons as long as Tigh is around for me to hate on should the alliance go south.
	SONJA: Would anyone object to us killing Boomer? CHIEF: Holy shit, my children are necrophiliacs. D:
	HOSHI: Sometimes when it gets to be too much, I like to think he's up there, watching over me. GAETA: You know I am, bb. I've even got wings now, just wait till you get up here, there will be so much wing!porn.
	KARA: I know I said molesting coma guys wasn't my thing, but his eyes are open so I can almost pretend... SAM: If only I'd known, all this time, that the only thing I had to do to win Kara over from Lee was go bald and lie in bed. ADAMA: brushes teeth violently behind the scenes
	KARA: You suck, and your music sucks. HEAD!DAD: Thus begins a meaningful relationship about love, life, and closure. WRITERS: Neck!porn! Are you guys liking this week's theme?
	CHIEF: I have this problem where I see my ex in the faces of women all around me. Literally.
	CHIEF: Why are my children necrophiliacs? Who did they get that from? D:
	KARA: Omg, my stuff! HELO: I'm pretty indiscriminate when it comes to hot pilots, see, and now thanks to you I owe half of them sexual favors. HERA: Here, have some sheet music to go with your cassette tape!
	HEAD!DAD: My name is Dreilide. You'd be embarrassed enough to run off too. ADAMA: brushes teeth violently behind the scenes
	CHIEF: If I'd known back then that you were one of my children, I never would've broken up with you. BOOMER: Oh, Galen! CHIEF: You didn't even call me 'Galen' when you died. _ BOOMER: I'm just trying to get into your.. er. Gloves. Not that you're wearing any. Finger sex? CHIEF: Yes, please.
	BOOMER: And this is why cylons do it better. Fantasies by request! CHIEF: I totally cannot handle a house with no enormous cracks in it to fix. What would I do with my life? I require crack!
	HEAD!DAD: So, what do you think of my thing now? KARA: It's longer. HEAD!DAD: You hate it. :( KARA: Dude, I said I liked it. Longer = Better, after all, didn't you know? HEAD!DAD: Why? KARA: If you need me to explain that to you... HEAD!DAD: Then you'll open up to me all of a sudden? KARA: Yeah. I guess so.
	CHIEF: Our children are going to kill the love of my life. TORY, ELLEN, AND TIGH: We've always subscribed to the "let them kill whoever they want" brand of parenting, remember the destruction of the Twelve Colonies? CHIEF: I HATE YOU. D: ADAMA: brushes teeth violently behind the scenes
	CHIEF: My fingers need to get laid again. All five of them. BOOMER: Are you sure you don't just need a crack fix? CHIEF: I'm sure.
	CHIEF: Omg, this is even better than crack. I have a kid..! FANS: Nicky would be so jealous. CHIEF: Dude, head!kids >> real kids. Real kids piss and shit and grow up to commit genocide because they're necrophiliacs.
	CHIEF: IS HAPPY SHOW: All of this has not happened before, and none of it will happen again. FANS: D:
	HEAD!DAD: Tell me all about your childhood and feelings! KARA: Sure, why not? FANS: Boy, you've gotten cozy quickly... KARA: His thing got even longer, what can I say? Plus, he likes the same things my dad liked. FANS: This is almost like some bizarre yet passive writer's strike where they refuse to write anything but incest.
	LITTLE!KARA: minds own business KARA: feels the need to get touchy-feely, naturally DEAD!KARA: No, you cannot have your oral hygiene products back. beams
	KARA: I might be a ghost or a demon or something, you know. HEAD!DAD: If you're lookin' for answers, you're asking the wrong guy. FANS: Yes, really you should be asking Dean and Sam, mmm. KARA: But I am so lost! FANS: Ask Castiel where they are, then, since he keeps such close tabs on Dean and you're already so familiar with ~~his tyrannosaurus prick~~ him.
	CHIEF: Please don't hand the love of my life over to my other children. :( ROSLIN: Since I've learned nothing about the consequences of backing desperate people into corners, I'm going to treat you like dirt. ADAMA: I feel like I should care, but I'm itching with the need to get my oral hygiene product fix soon.
	CHIEF: No mutiny, just beating up chicks, nothing to see here! ADAMA: brushes teeth violently behind the scenes
	KARA: fishes for info on significant other HEAD!DAD: I left her because sex with Piano was better. KARA: Frakking pianosexual dudes, you're just like my father. FANS: What a coincidence!
	CHIEF: I managed to drag an unconscious Eight through the Galactica and into the brig, get both of them naked so I could ~~have a quickie~~ switch their clothes, and get Boomer out of there safely. How Tom-Cruise-esque of me! FANS: Not someone you should be looking up to, bb.
	HEAD!DAD: Well, your dad taught you how to play with Piano, didn't he? KARA: I hated that bitch after he left us for her. HEAD!DAD: Aww, don't be like that.. you/me/Piano, right now, what do you say?
	FANS: Our ~~pants~~ hands, they tingle. ADAMA: brushes teeth violently behind the scenes
	ATHENA: Apparently I still think I'm worlds above the other Eights. BOOMER: Eat sink! I want my frakking uniform back. ATHENA: That's just an excuse to get into my clothes, isn't it?
	BOOMER: Actually, it's your husband's clothes I'm getting into. Sort of fitting, don't you think, since the first time you frakked him you were pretending to be me? HELO: Told you I was indiscriminate about hot pilots. BOOMER: It's a good thing we still have the exact same haircut, after all these years. WRITERS: And this is what we call going out with a bang.
	KARA: I can't remember how this is supposed to go, but luckily Hera wrote me the Kama Sutra for pianos. HEAD!DAD: Perfectly normal occurrence, let's try it out, shall we?
	BOOMER: You're just as indiscriminate as your father, aren't you? HERA: :) BOOMER: Well, then maybe you'll have inherited his enthusiasm for sucking on nipple-like things.. HERA: :)
	CHIEF: Here, let me give you a hand with this. BOOMER: Be gentle! CHIEF: Your protectiveness over the supplies is far too endearing to be suspicious.
	KARA/HEAD!DAD: play with piano FANS: Holy shit, that must have been an amazing Kama Sutra. We understand pianosexuality now. _ KARA/HEAD!DAD: post-coital cuddle
	TIGH: //_O TORY: That's the song! FANS: Your capacity for pointing out the obvious astounds us. TIGH: Where did you learn to play that? KARA: My father -- oh. ...Oh. I can't believe I just had a head!threesome with my father and Piano. D:
	BOOMER: Come with me, Cavil will love the surprise father! CHIEF: I love you too. But I love crack even more, sorry.
	ATHENA: You let Boomer beat me up, steal my clothes, frak my husband, and kidnap my kid. I hate you, it's all your fault. HELO: Well, I dunno about that, I bet if we try hard enough we can find some way to point the finger at Tigh...
	ADAMA: Don't let her off this ship. TIGH: //_O BOOMER: gives Chief some more crackMy goodbye present to you, dear. ROSLIN: Lately when things go south I've taken to napping.
	ADAMA: I won't be able to brush my teeth again for several hours at least. :(
	CHIEF: Holy shit that's a lot of crack!
	ELLEN: Hera's kidnap must've been planned out from the beginning. TIGH: I'm just sad the Kama Sutra prodigy is gone. //_-
	KARA: I don't even care that his eyes aren't open anymore. I had to molest someone after that epic head!threesome.
	CHIEF: The first step to weaning myself off crack is to get away from it and admit I have a problem, right?