BSG 4x17 Parody

[tracy_loo_who]

OPENING SEQUENCE: *is probably saving itself up for the finale*

	WRITERS: We wanted to go out with a bang (literally), so just warming up with a little hand!porn...
	KARA: This is my "you just woke me up from a dream about Lee's bear bare skin" look.
	DEAD!KARA: I can has all ur oral hygiene products! *beams*
	KARA: You may have my oral hygiene products, but I've got your ring and dog tag. Hah. WRITERS: Hands and boobs, oooh.
	WRITERS: Yep, still pervs. We've wanted to get Starbuck naked for years.
	KARA: Look how pretty my hands are This is the only tube of toothpaste I managed to rescue from my dead counterpart. Seeing as this show is refusing to give me any scenes with Lee and I'm not all that into molesting coma guys, I figured I'd give it to one of you. ADAMA: Little does she know that I struck a good deal with dead!Kara and lurk behind the scenes brushing my teeth violently at least five times per episode. It's like an addiction.
	KARA: My hands are really hot. FANS: NO, REALLY?
	KARA: I say things like "wank" now because I cannot stop dreaming about Lee, and I need other people to breathe as little O2 as possible, also because I cannot stop dreaming about Lee and thus really need it.
	WRITERS: Foot fetish: yes, we went there.
	LEE: I get this funny tingly sensation whenever Kara's dreaming about me because our ~*~love~*~ connects us. ADAMA: If I shield my eyes, maybe no one will be able to tell how guilty I am about stealing all their oral hygiene products.
	ROSLIN: He's going to give us away by trying too hard not to give us away, I can just tell. Men.
	LEE: I am good at shaking hands with cylons as long as Tigh is around for me to hate on should the alliance go south.
	SONJA: Would anyone object to us killing Boomer? CHIEF: Holy shit, my children are necrophiliacs. D:
	HOSHI: Sometimes when it gets to be too much, I like to think he's up there, watching over me. GAETA: You know I am, bb. I've even got wings now, just wait till you get up here, there will be so much wing!porn.
	KARA: I know I said molesting coma guys wasn't my thing, but his eyes are open so I can almost pretend... SAM: If only I'd known, all this time, that the only thing I had to do to win Kara over from Lee was go bald and lie in bed. ADAMA: *brushes teeth violently behind the scenes*
	KARA: You suck, and your music sucks. HEAD!DAD: Thus begins a meaningful relationship about love, life, and closure. WRITERS: Neck!porn! Are you guys liking this week's theme?
	CHIEF: I have this problem where I see my ex in the faces of women all around me. Literally.
	CHIEF: Why are my children necrophiliacs? Who did they get that from? D:
	KARA: Omg, my stuff! HELO: I'm pretty indiscriminate when it comes to hot pilots, see, and now thanks to you I owe half of them sexual favors. HERA: Here, have some sheet music to go with your cassette tape!
	HEAD!DAD: My name is Dreilide. You'd be embarrassed enough to run off too. ADAMA: *brushes teeth violently behind the scenes*
	CHIEF: If I'd known back then that you were one of my children, I never would've broken up with you. BOOMER: Oh, Galen! CHIEF: You didn't even call me 'Galen' when you died. *_* BOOMER: I'm just trying to get into your.. er. Gloves. Not that you're wearing any. Finger sex? CHIEF: Yes, please.
	BOOMER: And this is why cylons do it better. Fantasies by request! CHIEF: I totally cannot handle a house with no enormous cracks in it to fix. What would I do with my life? I require crack!
	HEAD!DAD: So, what do you think of my thing now? KARA: It's longer. HEAD!DAD: You hate it. :( KARA: Dude, I said I liked it. Longer = Better, after all, didn't you know? HEAD!DAD: Why? KARA: If you need me to explain that to you... HEAD!DAD: Then you'll open up to me all of a sudden? KARA: Yeah. I guess so.
	CHIEF: Our children are going to kill the love of my life. TORY, ELLEN, AND TIGH: We've always subscribed to the "let them kill whoever they want" brand of parenting, remember the destruction of the Twelve Colonies? CHIEF: I HATE YOU. D: ADAMA: *brushes teeth violently behind the scenes*
	CHIEF: My fingers need to get laid again. All five of them. BOOMER: Are you sure you don't just need a crack fix? CHIEF: I'm sure.
	CHIEF: Omg, this is even better than crack. I have a kid..! FANS: Nicky would be so jealous. CHIEF: Dude, head!kids >> real kids. Real kids piss and shit and grow up to commit genocide because they're necrophiliacs.
	CHIEF: *IS HAPPY* SHOW: All of this has not happened before, and none of it will happen again. FANS: D:
	HEAD!DAD: Tell me all about your childhood and feelings! KARA: Sure, why not? FANS: Boy, you've gotten cozy quickly... KARA: His thing got even longer, what can I say? Plus, he likes the same things my dad liked. FANS: This is almost like some bizarre yet passive writer's strike where they refuse to write anything but incest.
	LITTLE!KARA: *minds own business* KARA: *feels the need to get touchy-feely, naturally* DEAD!KARA: No, you cannot have your oral hygiene products back. *beams*
	KARA: I might be a ghost or a demon or something, you know. HEAD!DAD: If you're lookin' for answers, you're asking the wrong guy. FANS: Yes, really you should be asking Dean and Sam, mmm. KARA: But I am so lost! FANS: Ask Castiel where they are, then, since he keeps such close tabs on Dean and you're already so familiar with his tyrannosaurus prick him.
	CHIEF: Please don't hand the love of my life over to my other children. :( ROSLIN: Since I've learned nothing about the consequences of backing desperate people into corners, I'm going to treat you like dirt. ADAMA: I feel like I should care, but I'm itching with the need to get my oral hygiene product fix soon.
	CHIEF: No mutiny, just beating up chicks, nothing to see here! ADAMA: *brushes teeth violently behind the scenes*
	KARA: *fishes for info on significant other* HEAD!DAD: I left her because sex with Piano was better. KARA: Frakking pianosexual dudes, you're just like my father. FANS: What a coincidence!
	CHIEF: I managed to drag an unconscious Eight through the Galactica and into the brig, get both of them naked so I could have a quickie switch their clothes, and get Boomer out of there safely. How Tom-Cruise-esque of me! FANS: Not someone you should be looking up to, bb.
	HEAD!DAD: Well, your dad taught you how to play with Piano, didn't he? KARA: I hated that bitch after he left us for her. HEAD!DAD: Aww, don't be like that.. you/me/Piano, right now, what do you say?
	FANS: Our pants hands, they tingle. ADAMA: *brushes teeth violently behind the scenes*
	ATHENA: Apparently I still think I'm worlds above the other Eights. BOOMER: Eat sink! I want my frakking uniform back. ATHENA: That's just an excuse to get into my clothes, isn't it?
	BOOMER: Actually, it's your husband's clothes I'm getting into. Sort of fitting, don't you think, since the first time you frakked him you were pretending to be me? HELO: Told you I was indiscriminate about hot pilots. BOOMER: It's a good thing we still have the exact same haircut, after all these years. WRITERS: And this is what we call going out with a bang.
	KARA: I can't remember how this is supposed to go, but luckily Hera wrote me the Kama Sutra for pianos. HEAD!DAD: Perfectly normal occurrence, let's try it out, shall we?
	BOOMER: You're just as indiscriminate as your father, aren't you? HERA: :) BOOMER: Well, then maybe you'll have inherited his enthusiasm for sucking on nipple-like things.. HERA: :)
	CHIEF: Here, let me give you a hand with this. BOOMER: Be gentle! CHIEF: Your protectiveness over the supplies is far too endearing to be suspicious.
	KARA/HEAD!DAD: *play with piano* FANS: Holy shit, that must have been an amazing Kama Sutra. We understand pianosexuality now. *_* KARA/HEAD!DAD: *post-coital cuddle*
	TIGH: //_O TORY: That's the song! FANS: Your capacity for pointing out the obvious astounds us. TIGH: Where did you learn to play that? KARA: My father -- oh. ...Oh. I can't believe I just had a head!threesome with my father and Piano. D:
	BOOMER: Come with me, Cavil will love the surprise father! CHIEF: I love you too. But I love crack even more, sorry.
	ATHENA: You let Boomer beat me up, steal my clothes, frak my husband, and kidnap my kid. I hate you, it's all your fault. HELO: Well, I dunno about that, I bet if we try hard enough we can find some way to point the finger at Tigh...
	ADAMA: Don't let her off this ship. TIGH: //_O BOOMER: *gives Chief some more crack*My goodbye present to you, dear. ROSLIN: Lately when things go south I've taken to napping.
	ADAMA: I won't be able to brush my teeth again for several hours at least. :(
	CHIEF: Holy shit that's a lot of crack!
	ELLEN: Hera's kidnap must've been planned out from the beginning. TIGH: I'm just sad the Kama Sutra prodigy is gone. //_-
	KARA: I don't even care that his eyes aren't open anymore. I had to molest someone after that epic head!threesome.
	CHIEF: The first step to weaning myself off crack is to get away from it and admit I have a problem, right?

The end.

Now off to study some more. D:

Comments

[rjsteamboat76.livejournal.com]

OH GOD I ALMOST PEED MYSELF!!!!! lol this was so fantastic. you truly have done your best work here. so freakin funny heh. and what happened to Katee's feet? they used to be kinda cute.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

LOL IT'S A GOOD THING THAT WAS AN 'ALMOST'. :)) Aww, wow, thank you so much! You've been around forever, so that means a lot, coming from you. <3

I guess Katee's been wearing heels too much, or something. So un-Starbuck-like. :))