BSG 4x12 Parody

[tracy_loo_who]

HAPPY THURSDAY! \o/

This is late, I know, but at least I got it done before tomorrow, right? Dedicated to pennyfeline. :P ♥

OPENING SEQUENCE: *is suspiciously absent*

	ADAMA: Only fools take off their clothes for showers. Pay attention and I'll teach you something about multitasking: teeth brushing, showering, and laundering all at once! I'm not the admiral for nothin'..
	ADAMA: Or the janitor, whatever. Old age makes it difficult to keep it all straight sometimes.
	SIX: I see something! TIGH: This is worse than cloud watching. SIX: It's our baby! TIGH: It looks like a giant vagina that caught fire. If you ignore the lump on the left. COTTLE: Man, if that's what having only one eye makes the world look like...!
	SIX: *calls the baby a 'he'* TIGH: *calls the baby an 'it'* SIX: Sadomasochistic brig sex is conducive to happy relationships. Observe. TIGH: Hang on, let me throw up in my mouth a little before I have to put on my happy almost-father face. SIX: I may have been instrumental in the near-annihilation of the human race, but I'm sure these humans here won't mind if I gloat about the future of the cylon race.
	ISHAY: I'm in ur show, marryin' ur hot pilot / president / president's aide / quorum rep / etc!
	ISHAY: Sorry for the wait, but you know how it goes. Those with 2 legs > those with 1.5 legs. GAETA: We can build self-evolving and self-reproducing robots but we can't replace amputated limbs? ISHAY: We probably could, actually, but since people with fewer limbs are inferior, it hasn't really been looked into. Here, have some cheap cream to rub into your stump. GAETA: That stuff's no fun, it makes Hoshi's skin break out in rashes. :( ISHAY: What can I say? CHIEF: I need help! ISHAY: Gotta go, sorry, Chief's got two legs.
	QUORUM: We have questions! ADAMA: When have I ever, in all four seasons, answered one of your questions with something other than a condescending "I'm not gonna talk about that"? Srsly. LEE: *has an accident* ADAMA: :| And here I thought you outgrew that.. LEE: Maybe they won't notice if I plaster on a huge, fake grin and look pretty. QUORUM: Would've been more effective with short hair and a viper suit, buddy.
	LEE: This is so embarrassing. ZAREK: No shit. ADAMA: Leave it. It's an Adama men thing. ZAREK: Just like forgetting your job descriptions, right? At least Lee's jumps are smaller than your admiral-janitor jump. ADAMA: When have I ever, in all four seasons, responded to a good point that doesn't agree with mine with something other than a condescending "We're done here"? Srsly. LEE: *flees to bathroom* ZAREK: *threatens* ADAMA: Bitch, please.
	!CHIEF: I hope this subtitle isn't some kind of ominous foreshadowy thing..
	!CHIEF: I'm pitching for both teams, now. TIGH: *is slightly offended/horrified* HELO: *is slightly intrigued* I wonder if he still has a thing for Eights.. !CHIEF: *says something about teams of them* HELO: Your extreme good fortune vexes me.
	!CHIEF: For the purposes of this discussion, I'm on their side of the fence. Gotta keep my teams of Eights safe, after all. LEE: I've been working on my Batman angle. What do you think?
	GAETA: They only invited me to this sekrit decision-making meeting to pretend to give me some character development time. Pffft. TIGH: You're still the bitch, though, that's "pffft, sir" to you. GAETA: Pffft, sir. ADAMA: Actually I lied when I said this was a sekrit decision-making meeting. I just needed an excuse to see Laura again, and now you've given me one, so please leave kthnx.
	NICKY: I wonder if my tendency to ingest everything I can get my hands on caused this renal failure. Clearly I must now take measures to prevent my hands from ever getting on anything again..
	!CHIEF: So, want some blood? ISHAY: C'mon, doc, it's time to show him. !CHIEF: Show me what? COTTLE: Ugh, Ishay, I hate you. It wasn't quite ready yet, but I've been working on this rap song to make this info a little easier to deliver: Man, you been doped, Cally and some other dude eloped..
	!CHIEF: *not impressed* COTTLE: *enraged*
	LEE: Are you gonna tell mommy about my accident? ADAMA: Yes. LEE: *sulks*
	ROSLIN: I have better shit now, wheeeee(d)!
	ROSLIN: *makes this-is-Ron's-directing-debut noises* ADAMA: That wall is getting more action than I am. *sulks* ROSLIN: Go. I need a private moment with the wall here. ADAMA: :(
	ADAMA: I turn to janitoring when I have insecurity issues.
	GAETA: Hi Kara. If the sun doesn't rise tomorrow and the whole world ends, it'll be your fault. Just thought you should know. KARA: There is no sun. GAETA: Oh. Right, I know, but maybe if I look suavely unruffled you'll be intimidated. KARA: Gimp, please. GAETA: *secretly has an accident* Good thing she left before.. anyway, now that she's gone, I want to tell the rest of you guys about this orgy we're gonna have..
	ZAREK: Blah blah blah, blah blah blah. LEE: Gods, when is this man going to shut up, I need my godsdamned bathroom break before I embarrass myself again.
	ADAMA: Gotta quit stewing over that frakking wall and concentrate. I can't brush my teeth, shower, or launder anymore, grr.
	ROSLIN: *is flushed and sweaty* ADAMA: I don't like seeing you flushed and sweaty. :( ROSLIN: Hey, I'm just living a little. Haven't I earned it? ADAMA: Yes, but. ROSLIN: So have you. *smooch* ADAMA: jfkd;saflksdjflksdjlk FANS: jfkd;saflksdjflksdjlk
	!CHIEF: *is officially part of Baltar's cult now* HOT DOG: Uh oh. I think I picked the wrong cult to join. SHIT: *goes down* BALTAR: A frak: I really don't give it.
	ADAMA: Insecurity issues are gone, so I'm the admiral again. GAETA: Pffft. TIGH: *| <-- one eyed glare GAETA: Pffft, sir. HOSHI: Our tillium ran away, btw. ZAREK: And it's my fault. bwahahahhaha. ADAMA: You know, there are days that I really hate this job. Maybe the janitor thing has its perks after all.
	ADAMA: Time to play some hardball with Zarek. GAETA: Godsdamnit, he had better survive this. We haven't even had our orgy yet.
	HOT DOG: I don't know anything about parenting. !CHIEF: Sit. Stay. HOT DOG: Hey, just 'cause my callsign has the word 'dog' in it doesn't mean-- !CHIEF: Shut the frak up. Stay! HOT DOG: *stays* :|
	ADAMA: I found your dirty laundry. Tell me where the tillium ship is or I'll let the whole fleet smell it. ZAREK: Fine. But you know what the difference is between you and I, Admiral? You have Febreze. ADAMA: Bitch, please. I'm capable of doing my laundry and showering at the same time, haven't you been paying attention?
	ADAMA: *looks pathetic* TIGH: You look pathetic. ADAMA: Oh good, I was hoping you'd notice. Here, take care of everything while I go rest in -– I mean -– with Laura. TIGH: If he thinks I'm going to take care of Zarek's dirty laundry just because he asked me to.. well, he's probably right. ugh.
	ZAREK: You wanna play with the big boys, eh? Sure you're ready for this? GAETA: Yes. I even got you some hot pilots as an offering. ZAREK: Mmm, this will be fun. Wanna be my partner? GAETA: *swoons* Watch, I'll even make a show of standing up on my gimp leg to prove my devotion. ZAREK: A bit lacking in the leg department, but what nice, strong forearms you've got...
	ADAMA: *says something* ROSLIN: *says something* NO ONE: *actually gives a frak about what they're saying because omfg final-frakking-ly*!!! FJKDS;AFLKSJLFKJFLKSDJ

The end.

..And in a few hours, HAPPY FRIDAY! \o/\o/

Comments

[lily-winterwood.livejournal.com]

Oh my gods, I think I just pulled a Lee and wet myself. And it's all your fault. *pouts*

Where'd you get that astounding cap of the hallway kiss? I've been searching everywhere for it. :[

[tracy.livejournal.com]

LOL omg sorry. *points you in the direction of the restroom*!

I take all the screencaps myself, actually. You're more than welcome to it if you like.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

*G* Yeah, I admit to having made a few embarrassing noises myself. XD

Good stuff

[jaxzdice.livejournal.com]

LOLATHON

High quality- love the Adama janitorial insecurity complex, the Geata/Zarek <3, and chief w/ the cult

The best thing about BSG is how you can make fun of everything and still love it just as much- like Star Trek: TOS.

Re: Good stuff

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Heee, glad you enjoyed it so much, thank you!

You're right, I only mock this show 'cause I love it so damn much. XD

[katrinaswift.livejournal.com]

I almost died laughing.


These are hazardous!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Hahahha I AM SORRY.

THANK YOU BB.

[zefire2.livejournal.com]

:)

[tracy.livejournal.com]

:D

[unavitasegreta.livejournal.com]

OMG! That was hilarious and frakking brilliant!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Heee, thank you so much! :">

[lurkrealclose.livejournal.com]

ISHAY: I'm in ur show, marryin' ur hot pilot / president / president's aide / quorum rep / etc!

SHIT: *goes down*
BALTAR: A frak: I really don't give it.

WOOT! LOVE IT!!!

[lucyrose22.livejournal.com]

SHIT: *goes down*
BALTAR: A Frak: I really don't give it.

Icons of both of these...anyone? Pretty please?

[your-downfall.livejournal.com]

The vagina-on-fire thing made me laugh so hard. And it's sad, because now that's ALL I see. Argh!!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Ahahahha I'm sorry, I don't know why my mind is the way it is. :))

[carnography.livejournal.com]

I love this...so much. So much. XDDD!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Yay, that makes me so happy, thank you! :D :D

[utkari02.livejournal.com]

BRILLIANT!! You rock my socks!!!

Fave bits:

QUORUM: We have questions!
ADAMA: When have I ever, in all four seasons, answered one of your questions with something other than a condescending "I'm not gonna talk about that"? Srsly.
LEE: *has an accident*
ADAMA: :| And here I thought you outgrew that..
LEE: Maybe they won't notice if I plaster on a huge, fake grin and look pretty.
QUORUM: Would've been more effective with short hair and a viper suit, buddy.

TIGH: *| <-- one eyed glare

ADAMA: Oh good, I was hoping you'd notice. Here, take care of everything while I go rest in -– I mean -– with Laura.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU! <3!

Ahahha, those lines made me snicker as I was writing them, so yay, glad you enjoyed! \o/

[arielmoondance.livejournal.com]

BRILLIANT! I cant stop laughing! Totally made of awesome!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Wheeee, THANK YOU so much! :D :D \o/

[samuraiartguy.livejournal.com]

Wheeeee!!!

asdjklasdjklasjdklasjdkl... (Oh frak, had an accident )

** applause **

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Ahahaha, poor Lee. :)) Glad you enjoyed this so much yay! Thank you!

[entheogeneric.livejournal.com]

hahaha
TEAMS of 8's. *dies*

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Hahahha, reminded me of that comment about Helo not being married to the entire production line. XD

[burstoflight.livejournal.com]

LEE: *flees to bathroom*
ZAREK: *threatens*
ADAMA: Bitch, please.

^ Best.Part.Ever.

LMAO!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

*G* So happy you enjoyed that bit, THANK YOU! :D

[callmeonetrack.livejournal.com]

OMG hilarious. Lee piddling himself repeatedly! Adama being the janitor! Helo envying Chief's teams of 8s!!!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Heeee, it tickles me so much that you enjoyed this, THANK YOU! :D :D

[arlc.livejournal.com]

LAFF MY MUTHAFUKKIN ASS OFF! OMG!

*bows to tha master*

WORD!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

*G* I am so thrilled I got you to laugh so much, srsly. THANK YOU! \o/ \o/!

[mordyn4]

So, I didn't notice the janitor theme with Adama. Weird.

How nice it is to read this in a timely fashion! :D

TIGH: *| <-- one eyed glare

That's so mean and I love it. :P :P

GAETA: We can build self-evolving and self-reproducing robots but we can't replace amputated limbs?

SRSLY, HELLO!?!? Also, what's with the grey hair and grey foundation? :(

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Hahahha I thought it was strange that he kept picking up trash, it made me laugh.

Yay, have I mentioned that I'm thrilled you got caught up? I AM THRILLED YOU GOT CAUGHT UP. <333333!

LOL I AM SORRY TIGH. *HIDES*

I have no idea, poor Gaeta. :(

[gacktisgod.livejournal.com]

SHIT: *goes down*
BALTAR: A frak: I really don't give it.


LOFL! Awesome. Totally. Awesome.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Ahahha, Baltar is always good for a few giggles. XD Thank you!

[jeremybrettfan.livejournal.com]

LOLOL. This wins, especially that last one!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

*G* Thank you! AND SERIOUSLY, THAT SCENE. ♥♥♥!

[taurenova.livejournal.com]

:D

[tracy.livejournal.com]

♥!

[ms-elaine-neous.livejournal.com]

LMAO! :D

[tracy.livejournal.com]

*G* Glad you enjoyed, yay!

[ebinia.livejournal.com]

Frakking brilliant! Everyone in the office now thinks I'm crazy but i just don't care. Haven't laughed so much in ages. Thanks

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Yay, thank you so much! I'm so thrilled it made you laugh so much, seriously. :D :D :D

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Heeeeee, I'm glad you enjoyed it, thank you! :D \o/

[emmiere.livejournal.com]

Awesome. Love this!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

*g* Thank you so much!

[pennyfeline.livejournal.com]

Dedicated to pennyfeline. :P ♥

*blushes* What a little pressuring can do... *lol*

Thank you for providing my weekly dosage of tracy_loo_who laughs! :D

That was hilarious! The Ishay/Gaeta conversation? LMAO! And -->

NICKY: I wonder if my tendency to ingest everything I can get my hands on caused this renal failure.

*rotfl*

COTTLE: Ugh, Ishay, I hate you. It wasn't quite ready yet, but I've been working on this rap song to make this info a little easier to deliver: Man, you been doped, Cally and some other dude eloped..

Cottle!rap *muhahahaha*

ZAREK: Blah blah blah, blah blah blah.
LEE: Gods, when is this man going to shut up, I need my godsdamned bathroom break before I embarrass myself again.

The cap totally looks like that, seriously! *lol*

LEE: Are you gonna tell mommy about my accident?
ADAMA: Yes.
LEE: *sulks*

*giggle*

ADAMA: That wall is getting more action than I am. *sulks*

*snort*

ADAMA: I turn to janitoring when I have insecurity issues.

*snort²*

GAETA: Pffft.
TIGH: *| <-- one eyed glare
GAETA: Pffft, sir.

*gigglefit*

ZAREK: A bit lacking in the leg department, but what nice, strong forearms you've got...

I shouldn't laugh about that, I shouldn't laugh about that...

Btw, mind if I friend you? You know, just in case you need someone who ties you to a chair until you have written your weekly recap and for other good stuff like that. :P

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Ahahha, apparently I am easily pressured! :))

Oh man, I'm so thrilled and relieved you enjoyed this! Thanks a ton for actually caring enough to make sure I wrote it -- still can't quite get over that, omg -- and for letting me know which bits were your favorites!

Heee, of course I don't mind if you friend me, hurray for new friends! :D :D