tracy_loo_who | Dean/Castiel meta/essay/manifesto thing.

I am back! Almost got arrested, lol, but more on that later, after I'm caught up and stuff. Hope everyone had a brilliant Christmas, and please link me to things I missed! For now, here is a Dean/Castiel thing I wrote in between all the snowboarding:

This is something I've been thinking about ever since

kitsu84 asked, at the Dean/Castiel friending meme, Why do you love Dean/Castiel? At the time I gave a short, sweet answer, but it's a question that deserves so much more than that.

I've tried, via fics, to show the world what it is I love about this pairing, but after toying around with more fic ideas, I've come to the conclusion that I can't write a fic that's powerful enough to really capture the essence of what draws me to Dean/Castiel. And I want to -- because even though this is a brand new ship and I myself have only been shipping them with any degree of seriousness for a little over a month, I've fallen so fast and so hard that I can't not try to share what I see in them with anyone and everyone who will listen, in the hopes that someone will understand. So, here is some meta instead.

Let's start with the characters as individuals. Castiel is an angel and a warrior of God, and for all intents and purposes he is infinitely old and wise upon his introduction into Dean's life. We know for a fact that he has not interacted with any humans in at least two thousand years, and I would even venture to guess that he has never walked among humans in all his countless years of existence. Nor has he ever been human, so Castiel is a being who most likely had zero first-hand experience with humans until Dean. He brought Dean back from Hell, and in return Dean shot him, stabbed him in the heart, insulted him, and refused to believe in him. And then Dean did believe in him, but stood up to him and (by proxy) the power of Heaven anyway. Castiel is absolutely fascinated with Dean. He has been confused, surprised, angered, moved, and even amused by this mere human, but more importantly, he has been made to question his infinitely-old-and-wise self.

Dean is a human, but not one who life has been kind to. He lost his mother to a demon at age four, and he lost his father to an obsession at the same time. So not only was he exposed to horrors most grown men would quail at, he was charged with the task of taking care of his baby brother, a task he lost his childhood to. Arguably, he has lost his entire life to that task. As we've seen for three seasons, Dean's sun rises and sets around Sam, and Sam's life is worth more to him than his own soul. He went to Hell for his brother once, and I don't doubt he would do it again, if it came down to it. Despite all the lives he's saved as a result of his incessant hunting, he doesn't think he is worth much because he was never taught to think so. This is what Sam doesn't get, because Sam has spent his entire life looking up to his big brother and as a result of that, I don't think it has even occurred to him that Dean may not think as highly of himself. Bobby seems to have an inkling, but he's not really in a position to change Dean's mind.

This is where Castiel comes in. Within four minutes of their first meeting, he looked into Dean's eyes, tilted his head, and said, You don't think you deserve to be saved. That's huge. He understands Dean in a way that Sam, who's too close to Dean, never will. And what's more, Castiel is in a position to help Dean realize how important and how special he is. He has very literally been sent from God, and he has already singled Dean out from the countless souls in Hell to "grip tight and raise from perdition" even though Dean spent ten years torturing other souls down there. Castiel told Dean that God had work for him, and even though it's not clear what that work is, exactly, it's my belief that Castiel is the only one who can give Dean something to live and fight for that doesn't have to do with Sam. Castiel is the only one who can give Dean something of his own to define himself by, as well as a reason for Dean to forgive himself. As far as I can see, this is exactly what Dean needs.

I also think Dean needs someone he can rely on unconditionally, especially in the days to come. Sure, he's got Sam, and no one can deny that Sam would do anything for him given half the chance, but Dean's big brother complex will never let him burden Sam with too much. Castiel is a different story. Once Dean comes to trust him enough -- and it's already begun, to be sure -- I think he will let Castiel carry some of the weight on his shoulders. It's not a luxury Dean really knows how to allow himself yet, and it can be nothing but slow in the coming, but the potential is there because from the moment Castiel saved him from Hell, the angel became Dean's and no one else's. That's not something Dean has ever had, and it can only be a good thing for him.

Now let's talk about what's in it for Castiel, because while Dean is my favorite character and I loved the idea of Castiel being good for him from the very first episode of the season, I didn't start shipping them this hard until Heaven and Hell, when I realized Dean could be just as good for Castiel. Presumably, Castiel has spent his entire existence as an instrument of God -- a hammer -- though he has never been dissatisfied with this before because he's never known anything else. Dean, through his insolent stubbornness, has already begun to show Castiel that he could be more than what he is, which on the surface may seem a strange concept because he's already a friggin' angel of the Lord. But it's true, and to me, this is the best thing that can happen to Castiel. I want him to become a being who thinks for himself and has passions and desires and flaws. I want him to experience love and sorrow and every other emotion known to man in a soul-deep, physical way instead of being the outsider who is eternally watching and wondering. No matter how I look at it, Dean is the one who can and will teach him how to be and feel all of these things. We've already seen Castiel struggle to wrap his mind around Dean's ideas of autonomy, seen him doubt, seen him confide in Dean of all the humans and angels in the universe, seen him embark on this journey which, at its core, is a humanizing one. We know that it's canonically possible for angels to fall from grace and become human, and it's obvious from the way Castiel stared at Dean and Anna that he is headed in that direction. What's equally obvious is that he has only just begun and will need Dean -- his human -- to guide him and be his friend at every step of the way.

I have no idea if Castiel will actually fall, in the end, and I'm not even sure whether or not I want him to, but it almost doesn't matter. Maybe they can have their happy ending, more likely than not they won't, but it's the journey that I'm interested in: Dean's journey of self-acceptance and Castiel's journey of self-discovery, neither of which can come to pass without the other. To me, Dean/Castiel comes down to potential. Castiel has the potential to raise Dean from his self-imposed Hell, and Dean has the potential to bring Castiel down from his Heavenly pedestal. To ship them is to explore that potential; to take them on that journey. What appeals to me is the sheer lyrical beauty of said journey. Here are two characters -- so fundamentally different in every way and therefore so intrinsically perfect for each other it's poetry in the flesh -- getting under each other's skin, fighting each other, fighting for each other, having all that open faith in each other, looking at each other with such quiet intensity, and understanding each other from their utterly incongruous frames of reference. There is just something about them and their on-screen chemistry that feels like inevitability.

The only thing that sort of bothers me about this pairing is that while I can easily picture Dean as Castiel's first priority, I can't picture anyone but Sam being Dean's. I kind of want to address this in a fic, but admittedly I have no idea how to. Maybe when I figure out how to reconcile it with my hopelessly romantic (albeit tragic) notion of their love, it'll come to me..

Now comes the shallow half of this post, because, well, come on. I am only human and thus physically incapable of talking about why Dean and Castiel belong together without mentioning (and proving) how unrealistically attractive both of the actors are. All caps stolen shamelessly from

big_heart_june (who apparently got most of them from

leggyslove). ♥

Jensen Ackles is so perfect I am still not completely convinced his existence is mathematically possible.

Misha Collins was hand-designed by God himself. Obviously.

Castiel always stands a little too close to Dean, and by "a little too close" I mean he inserts himself so far into Dean's personal space that they are breathing each other's air/DNA/soul.

Castiel always stares a little too long and a little too hard. Any longer and harder and this show would be positively pornographic.

Wing!porn is actually a legitimate possibility.

Q.E.D.

I guess this turned into something of a manifesto, eh? Either way, I'm going to tag it as a discussion, because that's what I want it to be. Tell me what you agree with, what you disagree with, what you see in them, or even just that you read this and/or drooled over the pretty and thus I successfully made you spend a few minutes of your day thinking about Dean and Castiel. I love having people to talk to about them, and the more the merrier! :D

Oh, and I know I already posted this link awhile back, but it's fitting: that big conglomerate of all the Dean/Castiel scenes so far. Watch the beginnings of their epic love for yourself. ;)

ETA: It was suggested that I include a short list of intro-to-fandom recs to go along with this manifesto, and after collecting a bunch of recs from various people, this is what I've come up with:

Gen fics
To Course Across More Kindly Waters Now by

dsudis
Summary: "You have to get clean. This is only a stop along the way."

Two Kinds of Light by

eighth_horizon
Summary: Futurefic. Dean discovers that there's light...and then there's light.

Angel, Interrupted by

strangeandcharm
Summary: Life after falling isn’t as easy as it looks.

With Apple Pie (Will ask the Lord to Bless Me) by

taurenova
Summary: Castiel pays Dean an unexpected visit with unexpected results.
Sequels: Filled with Strawberry (Pie from heaven Above), Cherry Pie (It's as American as), Choose Pie Heaven (Regular Heaven or Pie Heaven?), Great Pumpkins (The Pies Will Follow), A Quiet Moment (Children Playing in the Park), In Dreams (No Reasons Are Necessary), Wonderful World (War is Over)

An Offer of Comfort by

izazov
Summary: The problem with knowing an angel is that he won't leave when you tell him to.

Look Down From the Sky by

ladybugkay
Summary: When it comes to Dean, Castiel isn't like the other angels.

Over Coffee by

norgbelulah
Summary: Dean is joined by Castiel for some coffee. A little bonding experience, a slightly angsty Dean.

Slash fics
Conversations with Angels (5 parts, PG-13) by

commodoresexual
Summary: Three things are necessary for the salvation of man: to know what he ought to believe; to know what he ought to desire; and to know what he ought to do.
Sequel: How Dean, Sam and Johnny Spent Their Christmas Vacation (WIP, PG-13)

Immortality Meant Never Dying (PG-13) by

starflowers
Summary: Castiel's journey through Hell to find Dean and bring him back.

I love the bones of you (PG-13) by

fleshflutter
Summary: Dean has been missing for three days.

Reality in 3 Parts (PG-13) by

waldorph
Summary: With the swing of a tire iron, Dean made a choice.

Tea (PG-13) by

not_refined
Summary: Being an angel is a lot like any other job in the universe. Long hours, bad pay, not enough vacation time and that one person at the office who you're really not meant to fall for.
Sequels: Outcast on a Cold Star (PG-13), Nestfallen (PG-13), Beneath a Tattered Coat (PG-13)

Where All Paths Lead (R) by

tracy_loo_who
Summary: Castiel will fall in love with Dean, and Uriel is the first to know.
Outtakes: Hard and Fast (NC-17), Quiet Enough So Sam Won't Hear from the Motel (NC-17), Breathless and Intoxicated on Triumph (NC-17), Dirty and Desperate (NC-17)

The Sins of the Falling (R) by

tracy_loo_who
Summary: Falling doesn't feel like a sin, not really.

Never Travelled (R) by

dotfic
Summary: Dean feels like he's waiting to be graded or some bullshit like that, judged and assessed and what does Castiel know about kissing anyway? Zero. Zip. Zilch.

Reverb (R) by

leonidaslion
Summary: In which Castiel is most assuredly not a hammer ...

Epiphany/Apocalypse (R) by

waldorph
Summary: Castiel didn't bring Dean back just to (try to) save Sam. There is, after all, the apocalypse to consider.

The Consequences of Falling (15 parts, NC-17) by

pandarus
Summary: A story in fifteen parts, in which the angel Castiel finds himself put in an untenable position, and consequentially loses his grace. In which he goes on a roadtrip with a demon, discovers the delights of tequila and french fries and pie, plays a starring role in a virgin sacrifice, is deflowered by his favourite Winchester, and then gets some very unpleasant news indeed.

The One In Which Castiel Doesn't Fall (NC-17) by

tracy_loo_who
Summary: This is how Castiel's love story goes.

Bad Things With You (NC-17) by

hollycomb
Summary: I don't know who you think you are, but I know this much is true: I wanna do bad things with you.
Sequels: Voluntary Offerings (NC-17), Earth to Heaven Replies (R)

A Rain of Feathers (NC-17) by

laceymcbain
Summary: Sex pollen Angel!Porn with a plot. No, seriously.

Melting Point (NC-17) by

strangeandcharm
Summary: After Dean is badly injured on a hunt, Castiel proves just how far he’ll go to look after him – and beyond.
Sequels: Seeing Red (NC-17), Aftershocks (NC-17), The End Of It All (NC-17), Breaking and Entering (NC-17), Inbetween Man (NC-17), Staring At The Sun (NC-17), Shredded (NC-17), He's Got The Fire And The Fury (NC-17)

Dummy With the Rapture (NC-17) by

hansbekhart
Summary: "There's a room," Castiel says, pressing his hand against his own chest, "in a house, in a town, where this man used to pray. Where he'd tell God every secret, unworthy thought he'd ever had and be forgiven for them. It matters, Dean. It matters to me that we are alone."

If I was body (NC-17) by

olympia_m
Summary: None given.

Kissing It Bitter (NC-17) by

strangeandcharm
Summary: Castiel is afflicted, and Dean has a very difficult choice to make.
Sequels: Third Time's The Charm (NC-17), Hero Worship (WIP, PG-13)

Vessel fics
Paradise (PG-13) by

hollycomb
Summary: Years after the apocalypse, Dean gets saved again.

The Book of Daniel (Mature) by

misslucyjane
Summary: I know why Castiel let me remember you. Not all who wander are lost. Not all who are lost, wander.

Extended list of recs here, including fanmixes, fanvids, fanart, picspams, and meta.

Current Location: Livonia, MI
Current Music: Naoki Sato - Destiny