BSG 4x06 Parody

[tracy_loo_who]

Holy shit, I can't believe it's been 1.5 months since I wrote the last one. That was before school started. (Before Supernatural started, too, and before MISHA COLLINS happened. I am going through such a Misha Phase at the moment, omg. I even watched his Karla movie, only to realize halfway through that I'd already seen it. Then I watched a few of his adorable interviews to cheer myself up.) In conclusion, *FAILS AT LIFE* :|

OPENING SEQUENCE: Twelve Cylon models, etc. etc.

	HELO: All your sewage are belong to me! SAM: Captain Thrace is the boss! Why the hell didn't I ask her to change her name to Anders? Captain Anders has a nice ring to it... GAETA: I'm just over here minding my own business. SAM: I can haz testosterone! *SHOOTS* GAETA: OMGWTF. KARA: Hmm, what shall I use to stop the blood? Oh, I know, a blood stopper! SAM: I can haz too much testosterone, mebbe. HELO: Well, since you've just shot Gaeta, clearly you ought to be giving the orders. KARA: My husband, my orders. I take your wife to the cylon baseship now. HELO: Sure thing.
	ROSLIN: You need to keep an eye on me. TORY: Hmm? ROSLIN: I think I'm turning into a bald thing with claws. TORY: Oh. I appreciate your confidence.
	RAPTOR: Caution! KARA: Should I be cautious of you? ATHENA: No, why? KARA: The raptor told me to be. ATHENA: Don't worry, I'm just a cylon. LEOBEN: Cylon homecoming queen, more like. ATHENA: And what's the theme of this year's homecoming, baseship guts?
	HELO: Hullo, Gaeta. I am concerned and sympathetic. GAETA: Hold my hand, then! HELO: Anything you want. GAETA: Really? Anything? HELO: Anything. GAETA: Help me try to keep my leg. HELO: Er. Except for that.
	KARA: I can hear things no one else can hear! How exciting! SAM: You know what would be even more exciting? If you could see things everyone else can see. Like huge chunks of fiery debris hurtling at us. LEOBEN: I've been waiting for Kara to give me that look all my lives, and now that the moment is finally here, it's ruined by fiery debris? Ugh. Note to self: fiery debris = cockblock. FIERY DEBRIS: *cockblocks*
	KARA: *is woozy* LEOBEN: Hey Sam, I hope you don't mind me touching your wife like a creepy creeper who creeps. SAM: Not at all.
	ATHENA: It's really easy for six or seven people to sneak up on a colonial officer. Allow me to demonstrate. EIGHT: Nice gun, Athena. ATHENA: What do you want? EIGHT: An Eightsome. ATHENA: You'd be cheating on the Sixes. EIGHT: We don't like them anymore. ATHENA: I can't believe I come from a model of adulterers, ugh. You guys make me sick.
	ROSLIN: Mission: Steal Baltar's Fangirls, attempt 1. OTHER CANCER LADY: What do you want? ROSLIN: Let's bond. Bonding involves cute smiles, right? OTHER CANCER LADY: I guess so. ROSLIN: Great! Now that we've bonded, let me turn off this Baltar thing. OTHER CANCER LADY: Frak you! ROSLIN: Note to self: Do something touch-feely next time, like groom her hair. Primates enjoy that sort of thing, right?
	LEOBEN: I'm taking Kara to see the Hybrid. There will be a lot of touching on the way. SAM: Kay. NATALIE: No! She's our most private part! Let's just take their raptor and go. KARA: You'd never figure the raptor's jump drives out in time. LEOBEN: Yeah, it's not like our Eights downloaded Boomer's memories or anything. And we do want more than a handful of us to survive, right? NATALIE: Fine, then. I'll show you mine if you show me yours. SAM: I can haz shiny Cylon datastream? KARA: No, Sammy. Come with me. SAM: Nah. I'd rather leave you alone with Leoben.
	SIX: You pwned me on New Caprica, remember? REDSHIRT: Not really, but I'd do it again. SIX: Wrong answer. *PWNS* SAM: I still can haz too much testosterone! KARA: Bad Sammy! Put the gun down! Don't make me pull rank on you. SAM: That would be pretty hot. NATALIE: *kisses Six* SAM: fklds;falksdlf NATALIE: *pulls Sam's trigger* SAM: Just after I'd changed my mind about wanting to shoot her, too. God damnit!
	OTHER CANCER LADY: I'm ready to be bonded with now. ROSLIN: Really? OTHER CANCER LADY: Yeah. Here, have a scarf. ROSLIN: Scarf? Here, let me show you how primates do it. Mission: Steal Baltar's Fangirls, attempt 2. *grooms hair*
	NATALIE: Well, I said I'd show you mine, so here she is. KARA: Have to say I'm pretty unimpressed, so far. LEOBEN: I'm that creepy dude who's always just chilling in the background of every Kara photo, looking suspiciously inconspicuous.
	OTHER CANCER LADY: I was actually a fan of yours to begin with, you know. ROSLIN: So does that mean I've succeeded or failed in my mission? OTHER CANCER LADY: I dunno, but either way, you >> Tom Cruise. I mean, Baltar. I just listen to him 'cause he talks about rivers. ROSLIN: Rivers? OTHER CANCER LADY: I like rivers.
	LEOBEN: You must allow my most private part to caress you. KARA: I am visibly disturbed.
	HELO: *paces*! GAETA: *doesn't pace* :(
	ATHENA: Well? KARA: Unplug their damn privates. EIGHT: *unplugs* CENTURION: *PWNS* HYBRID: *caresses* KARA: *does not enjoy, at all* You're just as creepy as the rest of Leoben. I cannot believe I spent five episodes going batshit insane just for this.
	OTHER CANCER LADY: We've been bonding. In fact, I shall use your first name to emphasize the depth of our new bond. ROSLIN: And I shall tell you a teary, choked up story of my mother's death. OTHER CANCER LADY: Hold my hand! ROSLIN: I can do better than that. *leans in...* FANS: You've been bonding, we get it.
	EIGHT: Athena, hold my hand as I die. ATHENA: No, I might get cylon cooties or something. Because I'm not one of you cylon types. SAM: I am. A really gentle one, at that, with low testosterone levels. *holds hand* NATALIE: And we'll find that out soon when we unbox D'Anna and she tells us who the Final Five are! KARA: *is excited* SAM: ...*is not excited*
	OTHER CANCER LADY: *crosses river* MAMMA ROSLIN: Hey, kid. Ready to have eternally beautiful hair? ROSLIN: Not yet. Bill >> eternally beautiful hair.
	BALTAR: Rivers! Wheee! ROSLIN: I think I may almost be in danger of becoming a Baltar fangirl. Mission: failed spectacularly.
	COUNTDOWN: Time to go! HELO: But I don't want to... Frakkin' Kara. This is the real reason she took my wife, isn't it? COUNTDOWN: Past time to go! HELO: Frak you, I'll do my own frakkin' countdown. Extra slowly. Five! ... Four! ... ... Three... ATHENA: What's cookin', Helo? HELO: ME.
	ADAMA: I can't believe you're in danger of turning into a Baltar fangirl. ROSLIN: Aww, don't be like that. I chose you over eternally beautiful hair. ADAMA: I'm just worried about the kids, actually. ROSLIN: You have me. We can make more kids. ADAMA: True. *BEAMS*

The end.

And that concludes the season 4.0 parodies. Thank you so, so much to everyone who's ever commented, and especially to those of you who've commented numerous times. You guys inevitably make me love BSG even more than I already did. ♥♥♥

In case anyone wants them, here are links to the rest: 4x01 | 4x02 | 4x03 | 4x04 | 4x05 | 4x06 | 4x07 | 4x08 | 4x09 | 4x10

Also, also, chaneystarr sent me this link yesterday and everyone needs to click it, mkay? Man Vending Machine! There so needs to be one around here. !!

Or this BSG computer would make me equally happy. MORE happy, even. What does that say about me?

Comments

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for all the comments! I'm tickled you liked it. :D :D