BSG 4x05 Parody

[tracy_loo_who]

OPENING SEQUENCE: Twelve Cylon models, etc. etc.

	HELO: Hello, Kara. KARA: Do your arms itch? My arms itch. It's itchy in here. HELO: No, my arms don't itch. Let's rendezvous with the fleet. KARA: Later. I must scratch my arms first. Let's go to this other star system, I bet it's not itchy there. HELO: We've already been there twice. KARA: Third time's the charm! We'll find a whole asteroid made of anti-itching cream, the little voices in my head told me so. HELO: *sigh* Fine. Have you been getting any sleep, Kara? KARA: No. My arms itch.
	SHAMELESS FANGIRL: My family is dead. Here's a picture of them, to emphasize how extremely dead they are. This is my best impression of 'really upset'. BALTAR: Do you want me to hug it better? SHAMELESS FANGIRL: Yes, please. BALTAR: *hugs* SHAMELESS FANGIRL Ahhhh, all those painstaking hours of laboring over Photoshop were totally worth it.
	!CHIEF: My newly bald head is shiny enough that it casts an extra glow around this dark room, just enough to keep Baby Nick's fear of darkness and subsequent tears at bay. I am such a genius when it comes to children. BABY NICK: Actually, I only cry when you turn off Baltar. I'm becoming a fanboy, don't you know. !CHIEF: ...I hate children.
	ATHENA: We're going the wrong way. HELO: That is so not your line. ATHEMA: True. We are going the wrong way, though. HELO: *sigh* You're menstruating, aren't you? PIKE: Hey Seelix, did you know that monkeys groom each other to build relationships? SEELIX: ... PIKE: Here, let me groom you. SEELIX: ...
	HELO: Hot Dog, stay close to Starbuck's wing. HOT DOG: And to think this used to be a comforting order. Now I think I'd rather be locked in a room with a rabid Baltar fangirl and a bottle of stims. KARA: Muttering to oneself is the new black. LEOBEN: Hi Kara. I float about in space so sexily my ship is smoking. Literally.
	KARA: I knew you were out there. LEOBEN: This is just like in that fic I wrote where we're telepathically bonded. *CREEPY GRIN* KARA: What happens next? LEOBEN: You stop denying that you love me with the passion of a thousand nebulas and our love is so strong it allows us to find earth together and bring peace upon all the humans and cylons and everyone worships the ground we walk on but we only have thoughts to spare for each other because our love is the greatest love destiny ever created and— HELO: Nobody gives a shit about your Gary Stu fic, Leoben. Right, Kara? KARA: Uhm. Take him to my quarters. HELO: ...
	TORY: I hear you've been obsessing over the air lock. !CHIEF: I just don't understand why somebody on antidepressants would kill herself. I mean, people on antidepressants aren't depressed or something, are they? TORY: No, no, of course not. Maybe someone killed her. !CHIEF: Pffft. Don't be absurd. TORY: Just let it go. Kind of like how you let your hair go. !CHIEF: Hmph. I'm beginning to hate bald jokes.
	SAM: I leave for a few hours and Kara's got another cylon locked up in her room with her? GAETA: Surprise! SAM: What the frak are you so smug about?
	LEOBEN: Ahhh, I remember this part; me touching Kara and breathing in the scent of her unwashed hair as we paint our destiny together. I can't wait for the NC-17 parts. *CREEPY GRIN* SAM: Omgwtfbbq. No one touches my wife like that! FANS: Well, except for, you know, Lee... SAM: ...No cylon touches my wife like that, then. Eat fist! LEOBEN: *EATS FIST* HELO: What the frak is going on with you, Kara? KARA: My destiny is going on! Right now!
	LEOBEN: C-Bucks rule! I'm a bit of a fanboy, actually... Save me, pls? SAM: I don't want to. And stay away from Kara because she's mine. And Lee's. Whatever. In conclusion, I advise you to die immediately.
	SAM: I have mysteriously gotten the urge to help out these cylons. Very mysteriously. GAETA AND SEELIX: But cylons have cooties. ATHENA: I hypocritically agree. HELO: I do not cross my arms at you, dear, but I cross my arms, dear! KARA: The pictures on the wall I just painted prophesize that we're going to go to the baseship, so we're going to go to the baseship. DEMETRIUS CREW: Pretty profound prophecy you've got there, Starbuck.
	BALTAR: I think my fanatical religious movement makes a good pillow-talk topic. TORY: I think you're more of an attention whore than Tom Zarek. BALTAR: *sulk*
	BALTAR FANGIRLS: This is the highlight of our existence since... well, the last time we saw Baltar. !CHIEF: I think I've just discovered the perfect height and angle at which to walk women walk by.
	!CHIEF: Fancy seeing you at this Baltar fangirl meeting, Colonel. TIGH: I don't actually buy into this crap. I just came to, uhm, talk to you! Yes, that's it. !CHIEF: My shiny baldness emphasizes the way my brows are furrowed at you for interrupting my women-watching. TIGH: Oh yeah? I've got shiny baldness and shiny white eyebrows on my side. I'm the king of shiny on this ship. !CHIEF: ...I hate old people.
	MATHIAS: *IS PWNED* FANS: We love it when shit blows up.
	BALTAR: What are you all doing here? Have you come to see little old me? BALTAR FANGIRLS: *SWOON* !CHIEF: Ugh. I remember now why I prefer wrenches over women. BALTAR: What about men? Come, Mr. Tyrol, let's hold hands! !CHIEF: I am NOT GAY! *CHOKES* BALTAR: You deny it awfully violently for someone who's straight... !CHIEF: ...I'm going to go back to my room and have a crisis now, okay?
	KARA: I'm going to beat the shit out of you for killing Mathias. LEOBEN: Punish me, master, punish me! Unghhhh...yes... More... KARA: You're sick. LEOBEN: Didn't I mention it was a BDSM fic?
	KARA: RIP Mathias. Your death wasn't in the prophecy, but whatever. Baseship time! PIKE: WTF. KARA: It says so in my prophecy, okay? We'll find anti-itching cream at the baseship. PIKE: WTF. HELO: Back off, Pike. PIKE: WTF. HELO: See these veins in my neck? They are very scary. PIKE: WTF. HELO: *clobbers* PIKE: wtf. :(
	BALTAR FANGIRL: This isn't safe, Gaius! Come back with me to my bed... BALTAR: I don't want safe. I've developed a taste for the dangerous. The butch. !CHIEF: Yes, I can see, if the way you nervously fumble with your jacket zipper like a virginal schoolboy with a crush is anything to go by. BALTAR: Will you like me if I bare my soul to you? !CHIEF: I suppose that's kind of cute. We can hold hands now.
	KARA: We're going to the baseship now, yes? HELO: No. KARA: Yes! GAETA: No! SAM: Maybe...? KARA: Ugh. Mutiny. HELO: Yep. All your sewage are belong to me!

The end.

Only one more till I've done all the season four episodes! whoa.

Anyway, SOMEBODY MAKE ME NOT BUY A $1500 BSG GUITAR, OKAY? I don't even PLAY the guitar, but I'm thinking about it so seriously I'm scaring myself. If it were an electric violin, I'd already have my heart set on it. jfksld;aflds wah. I hope the price goes up to like, $3000 or something so I can STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.

I am going to go distract myself by watching my shiny new FedCon BSG DVD now. Jamie Bamber solo panel! omg. *_*

Comments

[jeremybrettfan.livejournal.com]

WIN.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

*g* Glad you enjoyed!

[cornmouse.livejournal.com]

>.> OMG I'M SUCH A TOOL I JUST NOTICED YOUR MOOD THEME AND IT IS MADE OF WIN!!! Where did you find it? Seriously! SO FABULOUS!
<.<
This reply isn't related to BSG. :(( I'M SORRY!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

I MADE IT MYSELF! *PREENS*

[bubbleitupchick.livejournal.com]

Holy crap! That was freaking awesome!

Thanks so much! You totally made my day!

Can't wait for another one!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

I am so flattered, omg. THANK YOU so much for the comment, I'm thrilled you like it! <3

Last one will be up next week, hopefully. :)

[lurkrealclose.livejournal.com]

OMG! LOL! I do love it when shit blows up! He he!

Also, Pike was awesome. I hated his annoying whining. WIN!

But, my favorite part? "HELO: Yep. All your sewage are belong to me!" LMOA!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

I know, me too!

Hahhha, Pike totally got on my nerves too. I was pretty excited to see Helo clobber him. XD

*grin* I'm so glad you liked it, THANK YOU! ♥

[opaquebubble.livejournal.com]

*dead* Oh Brilliant.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

DJ. HELLO, MY DEAR. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU WATCHED THIS SHOW, IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY THAT YOU DO. ♥

[bonita810.livejournal.com]

Haha you've never played guitar but you're going to buy one?! :)

[tracy.livejournal.com]

I don't know, omg. I am way way way too obsessed with this show. >.<

[lallipoo.livejournal.com]

LOL SERIOUSLY? BUT, WHAT WOULD YOU EVEN DO WITH IT? YOUR BSG LOVE IS SO ... BIG XD

[tracy.livejournal.com]

DOES IT MATTER? I COULD SPEND HOURS GAZING AT IT. STROKING IT AND CUDDLING IT AND SLEEPING WITH IT. MAYBE I'LL EVEN TRY TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY IT. OR MAYBE I'LL BE TOO AFRAID TO TOUCH IT. I'LL BUILD A SHRINE. I'VE ONLY GOT ENOUGH FURNITURE FOR 2/3 OF MY HUGE ROOM ANYWAY, THE LAST 1/3 CAN BE THE BSG GUITAR SHRINE. WITH ALL THE AUTOGRAPHED PICTURES AROUND IT. FJDSA;FLSDJ OMGWTF.

[miri-d.livejournal.com]

NNN, I THINK YOU *SHOULD* BUY THE GUITAR, SO WE KNOW WHO BOUGHT IT AND CAN FANGIRLY SQUEE WITH THAT PERSON (YOU!) AND AT LEAST THEN A BSG FAN WILL HAVE IT AND NOT SOME PERSON WHO THINKS 'O HAI, LOOK, A PRETTY COLLECTIBLE GUITAR, AND I HAVE LOTS OF MUNEEZ! *buys it*'.

AND YOU DON'T PLAY PRETTY SHINY SIGNED COLLECTIBLE GUITARS, ANYWAY. YOU HANG THEM ON THE WALL FOR ALL WHO ENTER YOUR HOUSE TO SEE AND ADMIRE.

THAT'S THE WORST JOB OF DISSUADING SOMEONE I HAVE EVER DONE, AND I AM PROUD OF THAT FACT (buy it!)

[tracy.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD I THINK I HATE YOU A LITTLE BIT.

FKLS;JDALKFJDSL;AFJSD;FKLS

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOMG. *COVETS SO FRAKKING MUCH*

NO ONE HAS BID ON IT YET. OF COURSE, THERE'S STILL TEN MORE DAYS, BUT I KEEP CHECKING OBSESSIVELY. OMGWTF.

I STILL HATE YOU <33333333333333333333333333333333333333333

[tracy.livejournal.com]

I even did their stupid pre-approved buyer thing but it ended up being close to $6k so I did not get it. I don't even know why I felt the need to tell you this, only I just went to gaze longingly at it again and I am all :( :( :( :( because it's so shiny wah. :( :( :(

[tracy.livejournal.com]

If I posted about each episode as I watched it would you squee with me over various things?

DO YOU EVEN HAVE TO ASK? I love BSG more than Draco loves hair products. fjksd;aflsdjalf

Also, I'm glad you enjoyed Leoben's Gary Stu fic writing, hahahahaha. Thank you! :D :D :D

[your-downfall.livejournal.com]

TIGH:...I'm the king of shiny on this ship.
!CHIEF: ...I hate old people.

Hahahahahaha.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

*grin* I love Chief so much, omg. Thank you for the comment, I'm glad you enjoyed! ♥!

[silwyna.livejournal.com]

I have that DVD too and I love it!!! Have you been at FedCon?

[tracy.livejournal.com]

JAMIE IS THE CUTEST THING THAT WAS EVER CUTE.

I have never even been to Europe. :( Someday, though..!

[mordyn4]

LEOBEN: Hi Kara. I float about in space so sexily my ship is smoking. Literally.

!!!!!!!!!

HA HA HA HA!!! You slay me. :D :D :D

[tracy.livejournal.com]

LOL, I'd totally forgotten about most of these lines, actually. In case I hadn't mentioned, I'm SO THRILLED you like these so much, thank you! Ilusm. ♥!

[queenofthrace.livejournal.com]

"I don't want to. And stay away from Kara because she's mine. And Lee's. Whatever. In conclusion, I advise you to die immediately."

LOVE :D

[tracy.livejournal.com]

*g* Rather enjoyed that line myself, so yay, thank you! :D :D

[tracy.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if it was a one-time offer or what, but you can try emailing fedcon@intexsound.de to see if they have any copies left. :)

Yay, I'm so happy you're enjoying them, thank you! :D :D :D