tracy_loo_who | BSG 4x09 Parody

I saw a picture the other day of someone's BSG tattoo and now I want one too, even though the last time I got a tattoo I was all, "yeah, this'll be my first and last". :| Will have to think on it, but for now, have another BSG parody.

OPENING SEQUENCE: Twelve Cylon models, etc. etc.

	HYBRID: Two days ago, I kidnapped Roslin and Baltar and the others and made them take a pink bubble bath with me. BALTAR: frolics in pink bubbles Wheeee! I feel like a princess!
	ROSLIN: Pink bubbles are like diloxin. Good thing, too, cause I was about due for my next fix of Deeply Ominous Visions (DOVs). I swear, I think I'm getting addicted. ELOSHA: I am in this DOV to tell you how pretty your hair is here. ROSLIN: Oh, Elosha. That's the most touching thing I've ever heard. Hug?
	ROSLIN: Wtf, why did we jump and where are we? BALTAR: I dunno, why don't I take a bath with — I mean, talk to the Hybrid? EVERYONE: ignores HYBRID: Jumping again! I'm only doing it cause the pink bubbles splash all over Roslin when we jump, mweheheee. It's embarrassingly fun.
	ELOSHA: Now that we've hugged, I feel it's time to take this relationship to the next level. Take a walk with me? It'll be romantic. ROSLIN: This is a strange but lovely walk. ELOSHA: Unfortunately we're getting to the Deeply Ominous part of this DOV now. DOV!ROSLIN: Do you think I look like Lex Luthor when I'm dying? FANS: No, not really. The only resemblance is the baldness. DOV!ROSLIN: Damn. So much for my dying wish. ROSLIN: I change my mind about you being romantic, Elosha.
	EIGHT: The Hybrid is acting awfully strange... BALTAR: That's cause she has a crush on me. Duh. EVERYONE: ignores ROSLIN: Can you get her to jump back? EIGHT: No. BALTAR: Oh, me me me me me! Let me try! HYBRID: I will allow you to distract me from bubbling Roslin for a few seconds cause you amuse me. Hybrids have a sense of humor too, after all. BALTAR: We totally have a spiritual connection now, I can feel it! HYBRID: Oh, please. Don't flatter yourself. Jump!
	DOV!ADAMA: Ilu, Roslin. DOV!KARA: Ilu, Lee. DOV!LEE: Ilu, Kara. DOV!COTTLE: Ilu, Gaeta. FANS: Gaeta's not even in this episode, you know. DOV!COTTLE: ...Oh. DOV!ROSLIN: I don't love anyone. I'm still sulking over the Lex thing.
	HELO: Let's talk about taking out the Resurrection Hub. EIGHT: Fine. My eyes can do all the lovey talk, then. HELO: You're making me slightly uncomfortable. EIGHT: How about a massage to make you more comfortable, then? HELO: I am even more uncomfortable now. EIGHT: You should be. I've invaded your privacy like whoa. But that shouldn't make this strange at all, right? HELO: I need to pee. Like, in the next twelve seconds. You're not allowed to come with me.
	ROSLIN: I want D'Anna to myself. HELO: That's so unfair. Share the wealth! ROSLIN: I want D'Anna to myself. HELO: Okay, then. But only because you said it twice.
	D'ANNA: is naked BOOMER: is distracted ONE: is suspiciously not* distracted* There's been a civil war, etc. etc. D'ANNA: Boomer here is on the wrong side. ONE: She's my pet Eight. D'ANNA: I hear those are difficult to baseship-train.
	HELO: We're all gonna work together on this like good little humans and cylons, okay? HUMANS: But cylons have cooooties! CYLONS: We do not. HUMANS: Do too! EIGHT: STFU. Athena is a cylon and she doesn't have cooties, does she? I'm the same as her! HELO: I can feel my bladder getting full again... SIX: This might be off topic, but I feel it's worth mentioning: I am Really Sexy in this flight suit.
	ROSLIN: She won't listen to me. BALTAR: You're doing it wrong. You don't have a spiritual connection with her! ROSLIN: I'm doing the same thing you're doing. BALTAR: No you're not! You have to focus on her. Hybrids like it when you focus on them, you know. I wrote the book on seducing cylons; allow me to demonstrate the depth of our spiritual connection. ROSLIN: Dude, you're just yelling. BALTAR: I hate you and I'm leaving. So there. ROSLIN: I guess I should yell, then. HYBRID: Ugh, all this bickering is starting to irritate me. Eat pink bubbles!
	ELOSHA: Want to try this romantic walk thing again? ROSLIN: Uhm, no. I think I prefer Adama. He reads me deathbed stories. ELOSHA: Yeah, cause that's romantic. FANS: ACTUALLY, IT IS. We are weeping quietly in a corner.
	BALTAR: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. CENTURION: That is the single worst pickup line I have ever heard in my life. BALTAR: How many pickup lines have you heard? CENTURION: Just one. Based on that, I conclude that your race does not deserve to survive after all. BALTAR: Oops. I hope I haven't just started another near-genocide...
	ROSLIN: They unboxed D'Anna. Go get her and bring her here. HELO: I heartily disapprove of your selfishness. Need help sitting down? ROSLIN: No. I need D'Anna. HELO: Come on, the cylons would totally share with you. The Eights would, anyway. ROSLIN: Captain, you are not married to the entire production line. HELO: No, but it would make for some pretty kinky sex, wouldn't it?
	BOOMER: Oh shit, the rebel baseship is attacking us! ONE: D'Anna, you have to stop them. D'ANNA: Nah. murders BOOMER: If I'm going to die for good I must hurry and get dressed for it! flees HELO AND EIGHT: Hi D'Anna. You are very sexy when wet. Come with us! HELO: Look at all these Eights. I am oddly reluctant to leave them here to be blown up... EIGHT: There won't be any sex at all if you stay and get killed, never mind kinky sex. Let's go!
	BALTAR: Will you like me if I tell you stories about puppies? CENTURION: No. I am a manly man. But I secretly think you're kind of cute. BASESHIP: is hit CENTURION: is PWNED BALTAR: Frak. Just when he was starting to warm up to me, too. How will I ever find another Centurion as sexy? FANS: Dude, they all look the same. Also, you're bleeding. BALTAR: So I am. I feel a good cry coming on.
	ROSLIN: Oh, Gaius, I will save your life! BALTAR: Ilu, Roslin! Thank you (x 100). ROSLIN: injects with morpha BALTAR: You're very pretty. Thus, I feel I should confess after 3.4 seasons that I gave the access codes to the cylons so they could wipe out most of humanity. And then God loved me. Wanna pray with me? ROSLIN: Okay. I want to kill you. BALTAR: The writers of this show must really like being ominous. Even my blood drips ominously.
	RAIDER: is PWNED RESURRECTION HUB: is PWNED FANS: Wow, considering this was the single most important ship of the cylon fleet, that was pretty easy... D'ANNA: Now we're all gonna die. EIGHT: Wheeee! Trust! HELO: My guilt is palpable. Pet it.
	BALTAR: Don't do this to me (x 100). DOV!ROSLIN: dies DOV!ADAMA: If I kiss her now, would that be considered necrophilia-ish? FANS: No. DOV!ADAMA: What if I marry her? FANS: Er... ROSLIN: I am so moved by Adama's love that I'm going to panic over Baltar bleeding and beg him not to go. Don't you love how my mind works? FANS: YES.
	EIGHT: Let's get D'Anna to the control room! HELO: Can't, sorry. Taking her to the president. EIGHT: ...Trust, eh? This look of betrayal right here? It's ominous, trust me. No pun intended.
	HELO: brings D'Anna to Roslin ROSLIN: Brilliant work. Now leave, kthnx. D'ANNA: Baltar will survive. ROSLIN: Baltar? Huh? I finished crying and panicking over Baltar twelve minutes ago, do keep up. I'm more concerned about finding out who the Final Five are right now. D'ANNA: Well, you're one of 'em. ROSLIN: I am speechless and frozen. My eye twitches dramatically, though. D'ANNA: lol jk. lol lol lol. Okay, I am done laughing at you, now take me back to the fleet. ROSLIN: lol.
	ROSLIN: What is the meaning of life? HYBRID: Pink bubbles! Here, have some. ELOSHA: My role is one of exposition. You fans couldn't possibly understand Laura's inner journey to her home and true love without me.
	ADAMA: reads BASESHIP: jumps back ADAMA: About time. It was starting to get really stuffy in this flight suit. It does look good on me, though. ROSLIN: hugs Ilu, Adama. ADAMA: I knew this flight suit was good for something. FANS: We are weeping loudly in a corner.

The end.

Random funny: I set one of those mostly-naked-in-a-towel pictures of Jamie Bamber as the wallpaper on my grandfather's computer. Being an old Chinese man, he was somewhat alarmed and v. quick to change it back, but every time someone turns on or shuts down the computer the background flashes back to Jamie for a few seconds. This is unspeakably amusing to me.