BSG 4x07 Parody

[tracy_loo_who]

Seriously, I cannot get enough of BSG lately. and there is no ep tomorrow, ugh. :( So I rewatched the last ep, and then wrote a parody, hahha. I mock because I love. ♥

OPENING SEQUENCE: Twelve Cylon models, etc. etc.

	FANS: If only our lives contained more phallic imagery... COLONIAL PHAL-1: We are here to serve and please! FANS: Thank god for BSG.
	LEE: I have been so neglected lately, I deserve the truth! LAURA: But I am so tired. And secretly bald, to boot. LEE: I'm sorry, but I can't put one foot in front of another without someone blocking my path. LAURA: It's not my fault you're wearing that suit. What did you think was going to happen? LEE: I thought I would look so dashing in this suit that you'd tell me the truth. LAURA: Well, if you put it like that... I'm sharing visions with two sexy toasters. LEE: I am beautifully speechless. Here, have a close-up. FANS: Maybe if we pause on this shot and gaze upon his slightly parted lips for a few hours it'll make up for all the episodes Lee hasn't been in?
	KARA: When we get back I don't know if they'll feed you or frak you. LEOBEN: I will stare soulfully at you until you participate in the frakking. KARA: We'll all be doomed if you talk to Adama like that. Natalie, you do the talking.
	ATHENA: We're ready, let's go! GAETA: I lie here in pain. And in wait of some head. Seriously, Helo, don't just stand there gazing longingly at me. Make yourself useful. HELO: No one calls me 'Karl', not even my own wife. Frak this, we're gonna hang you basestar types out there to dry for a few minutes.
	ATHENA: We are getting dry! Hurry, Demetrius! ADAMA: Let's shoot them out of the sky! TIGH: Nah. ADAMA: Oh. ..Okay, I'll just defer to you since you're the ExO and I'm just the admiral. HELO: What's up, Galactica? Bravo, Tango, Eight! ATHENA: Right. Totally wet again.
	EXTRAS: Look, we're on TV! With guns! wheeee! KARA: Hai Colonel. These are my pet cylons. TIGH: What, only the cylons with two eyes each get to be your pets? hmph. Anyway, who shot Gaeta? NO ONE: *answers that question* COTTLE: Everyone stand back, Gaeta's mine! GAETA: Oh, doc! Finally! If it weren't for this oxygen mask I would totally be swooning right now. COTTLE: It's okay, wouldn't have been sufficiently dramatic anyway seeing as you're already lying down.
	LAURA: Give us a reason to trust you. NATALIE: You've always thought my bottom-lip-quirk was hot! ADAMA: She keeps hitting on my president, take her out! NATALIE: Wait, I'll give you D'Anna's number! If I can have your... word. Is it any good? ADAMA: ...Fine, I'll give you my word. Of course it's good.
	ADAMA: I'm having people check out D'Anna's number. Let's get lucky again. Together. TIGH: Yes, sir! ADAMA: Thanks for last time, btw.
	GAETA: Don't put me under! COTTLE: Oh, Felix! GAETA: But doc, this is my first time. I want to be awake to experience it. COTTLE: Okay, love. SAM: I can haz free pr0nz?
	TIGH: I've never had a bubble bath, so they don't deserve bath privileges either. hmph. HELO: We have to get D'Anna first. TIGH: Pfft. Forget D'Anna. ADAMA: But... it's D'Anna... TIGH: Shut up and trust your president's vision! ADAMA: :( LAURA: You men are so hopeless. Let's compromise. ADAMA: Ilu, Laura. HELO: This is my 'looks like your word isn't so great after all, Admiral' expression. I've been practicing. FANS: We can smell Tigh shitting his pants through the TV/computer screen! Gross.
	ZAREK: blah blah blahhhh. This isn't really your fault, Lee, but I'm going to imply it is cause it gives me an excuse to stare at you. LEE: No one tells me anything anymore. My only job right now is to look pretty, okay?
	SAM: I think I'm scarred for life. CHIEF: Huh? SAM: Gaeta. And Cottle.
	LAURA: I can't believe you cheated on me. TORY: I'm sorry! I can't help it if Baltar's spiritual message gets me all bothered... LAURA: I'm actually more possessive of Baltar than I am of you. Go find out who else he's been frakking, even if it means spending the night on your knees. TORY: Laura... LAURA: You have a job to do! I swear, you're going to turn my hair gray. Oh, wait.
	NATALIE: The humans are going to hog the Final Five, I know it. LEOBEN AND EIGHT: You're interrupting our game of footsie. Note our looks of displeasure. NATALIE: Let's start a harem of humans! Then they'll have to trade with us. LEOBEN AND EIGHT: Fine, fine, now go away and leave us alone.
	GAETA: *serenades Cottle as he walks around sickbay* LEE: The Quorum wants to disown you. LAURA: What brats. LEE: Just cuddle us! I mean, them. Or something. Anything. LAURA: *sigh* Children these days.
	BALTAR: Why no sex? :( TORY: You're spreading lies about the woman I love. BALTAR: Am not. TORY: Are too. BALTAR: Am not! TORY: Are too! BALTAR: Am not! Seriously, it's true! Caprica Six told me. TORY: ...Fine. I'm still going to sulk over not being your favorite cylon, though.
	LAURA: I tell terrible jokes, and I'm not going to beg you not to disown me, but please don't disown me. Look, children, I've brought you a sexy toaster! QUORUM: We don't actually have any lines. We're more like ornaments. NATALIE, KARA, AND ATHENA: *walk in* LEE: *pointedly does not look at Kara* KARA: *pointedly does not look at Lee* NATALIE: Actually, we wanna die, etc. etc. LEE: *fails miserably in attempt to not look at Kara* (It was inevitable.) FANS: Our hearts! How you break them, Lee. KARA: *more concerned about her silly destiny* QUORUM: *still ornamental*
	GAETA: Cottle, I will serenade you for the rest of this episode! BALTAR: *longs from afar* FEMALE FANS: Oh, Gaeta. If only you weren't gay, we would totally have your babies right now. MALE FANS: Oh, Gaeta. We want your babies too.
	HERA: I am off to audition for the movie Really Creepy Kids. Bye bye!
	LAURA: You'd make a great cylon. KARA: You're the one sharing visions with them. LAURA: True. Do you still love me? KARA: Yes.
	NATALIE: The Quorum is so contemptuous of us! I hadn't expected that at all. LEOBEN: You were right. NATALIE: I was wrong! FANS: ... EIGHT: *paces with great feeling* NATALIE: I am getting cold feet, hold me. LEOBEN: Have Adama hold you. For a long, long time. As long as possible, if you know what I mean. Big metal guys are more my type.
	HELO: I always take very long, manly strides. Observe. BALTAR: I wish these blokes wouldn't point their guns at my ass all the time, honestly. HELO: Maybe Kara won't notice if I casually lean over to sniff her. KARA: *notices* What the frak, Helo. LAURA: Let's settle all this UST. Now. BALTAR: What is this UST that you speak of? Why am I here? LAURA: Because I dream about you every night! Oh, Gaius.. BALTAR: ...Oh.
	ATHENA: Hi Hera, I see you've given up acting for drawing. Good girl, let me see. HERA: Sorry, just practicing the whole creepy act, actually. ATHENA: The number 6 is scary! Why, Hera, why?! HERA: Come search frantically for me. ATHENA: Okay!
	SKINJOBS: Here, let us escort your president and commanding officer to our baseship. GUARDS: Whatever, we're not paying attention. Baltar is too dark, handsome, and dangerous. CENTURIONS: Move out of the way for us manly men. PILOTS: You're not manly men! CENTURIONS: Leoben told us we were. PILOTS: Oh. We better move out of their way, then.
	NATALIE: I am visibly nervous about my date with Adama and his word. However, I will walk with grace. OTHER SKINJOBS: We prefer to walk with determined glints in our eyes. ATHENA: Frak walking. I must run around frantically. Chief, do you care? CHIEF: No, not really. ...Except I do. Sharon, I love you, I will follow you to the ends of this ship! HERA: Six! NATALIE: Hera! ATHENA: I am going to threaten to shoot you, make sure Hera is safe, and then shoot you anyway. Plz die kthnx. NATALIE: This vein in my neck stands out in protest of the shooting.
	LAURA: Share a meaningful glance with me, Gaius. BALTAR: You're becoming somewhat alarming. How's that cancer? HYBRID: I am going to kidnap you both and make you take a pink bubble bath with me! GAETA: Maybe if I sing a little bit more the fans will be less upset about the two-week wait? FANS: You are such a tease, Gaeta.

The end.

In other news, I am going to China in two days! fjksd;aflkjd THIS IS SO EXCITING.

ETA: Also, because I've become obsessed with Jamie Bamber (an understatement, I know), I went and found his movie Ghost Rig. Have uploaded for That Comm, so if anyone wants it comment with your email address and I'll send you the links. :)

ETA2: Holy shit, hd_worldcup reveals! pretty much the one thing that can distract me from BSG at the moment. *laughs* Life is so, so good.

Comments

[meresy.livejournal.com]

Followed your linkage on bblog. Many lulz! *g*

LEOBEN AND EIGHT: You’re interrupting our game of footsie. Note our looks of displeasure.

It's a good think I wasn't drinking anything, or you'd owe me a new keyboard.

And, hey! China! Win.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed! Even more glad you weren't drinking anything, hahha. XD

I know, have been looking forward to this for months now. *_*

[tracy.livejournal.com]

XD I love Leoben's obsession with Kara, for some reason.

[dramaturgca.livejournal.com]

OMG Please PLEASE send me link for Ghost Rig!!!

first.bionic@gmail.com

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Done. :)

[flowrs4ophelia.livejournal.com]

*giggles endlessly*

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Hee, glad I made you laugh! :D

[trialia]

Oh, I am so glad I wasn't drinking or eating anything when I read this! *fell off seat giggling* Awesome, seriously.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Thank you! I had a fun time writing it, too. XD

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Kara could never be any other way, and I love that about her. *_*

[bonita810.livejournal.com]

Lucky girl! Take me with you to China! I'm sure i could squeeze into a suit case! lol

Have fun in China babe!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

You'd probably love it there, it's hot as hell (much to my dismay). :P

Thanks!

[lallipoo.livejournal.com]

adsfsadfd.

I still have not even started S4 -___-

but, classes ended yesterday, officially! whoo

[tracy.livejournal.com]

WATCH IT WATCH IT WATCH IT. SERIOUSLY.

*BEAMS* Exams went well?

I wish you were here. :(

[lallipoo.livejournal.com]

Did I mention I'm in love with Gaeta?

[tracy.livejournal.com]

OKAY YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE GAETA LIKE 10X MORE AFTER YOU WATCH THIS EPISODE. I PROMISE. HE IS SO UNSPEAKABLY AMAZING.

[themadfish.livejournal.com]

"HELO: Maybe Kara won’t notice if I casually lean over to sniff her.
KARA: *notices* What the frak, Helo."

BHAHAHAHAHA

Oh Helo. I mean Karl.

I need a cut video of just Gaeta singing and then I can listen to it over and over and be all obsessed and scary.

Ooo! Have fun in China! Are you going to take more glamour shots and pose with fake fruit?

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, that snippet was priceless, I have no idea what he was supposed to be doing.

!! I was totally going to do that for myself, actually, will upload the vid for you when I make it. :)

*laughs* You remember those pics, huh? No plans to take more this time, but I'll be there for two whole months, so who knows? XD

[thorn-meowus.livejournal.com]

That was good, thanks for sharing.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the comment! :)

[elzed.livejournal.com]

Frakking genius. I'd quote my favourite lines but it would get extremely long (let me just say that the ornamental quorum with no lines, Hera the creepy, Helo's Kara sniffing and Lee's pretty pretty face would all be up there, along with most of the rest).

FAB

Also, if you feel like sharing in your Bamber obsession, which I totally share, (and perhaps you should flock that post to the comm, or am I being paranoid....), elhelzed at gmail dot com. Is the film any good?

[tracy.livejournal.com]

*grin* Thank you so much! I had a lot of fun writing it. :D

Emailed! The movie isn't any good, not something I'd ever see if Jamie Bamber wasn't in it, but he makes it more than worth it, hehee.

[silwyna.livejournal.com]

ROFL LOVE IT!!!! Thank you :o)

[tracy.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you enjoyed it, thank you! :D

[namuras777.livejournal.com]

Absolutely fabulous!

KARA: We’ll all be doomed if you talk to Adama like that. Natalie, you do the talking.

I knew it! :)

[tracy.livejournal.com]

*snicker* Leoben is so alarmingly obsessive. <3

[jeeshee.livejournal.com]

Lol, hilarious!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :D

[hardparade89.livejournal.com]

Hahaha lulz that was made of win. Thanks. :)

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Glad you enjoyed it, thanks! :D

[chaneystarr.livejournal.com]

Hahaha! That was brilliant and hilarious. Thank you for putting me in a good mood before my Shift of Doom. XD WOE for no new episode tonight, but ahahaha, I am so amused over how hooked you are. This cracks me up. <333

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Anything for you, my love. XD ♥

I think I'm gonna just hole myself up with more Jamie Bamber movies tonight, it might almost but not make up for the lack of BSG. but next Friday I'll be in CHINA and what if they have like, dial-up or something? I'll never be able to download the new ep, omg. *cries*

EVERYONE ON MY FLIST SHOULD BE THIS HOOKED, I INSIST.

[mf_luder_xf]

QUORUM: *still ornamental*

LOL!!!!

Wow, have fun in China! How long are you going to be gone?

[tracy.livejournal.com]

*G*

I'll be there for two whole months! wheeeeeeeee. :D

[your-downfall.livejournal.com]

Found you through battlestar_blog... and I was very amused. :D Thanks for posting!

[tracy.livejournal.com]

*g* I'm glad it amused you, thank you!

[all-my-fandoms.livejournal.com]

GAETA: Don’t put me under!
COTTLE: Oh, Felix!
GAETA: But doc, this is my first time. I want to be awake to experience it.
COTTLE: Okay, love.
SAM: I can haz free pr0nz?

LMAO

DUUUUUUUDE! China?! I'm studying Chinese right now. Aaaaaaawesome.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

*G* I'm glad you're amused!

Yeah, I've been looking forward to this for ages. :D :D Chinese is pretty hard to learn (reading and writing, anyway), so best of luck with that. :)

[maclau.livejournal.com]

LOL
awesome :D

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! <3

[pennyfeline.livejournal.com]

LOL That was awesome!

CENTURIONS: Move out of the way for us manly men.
PILOTS: You’re not manly men!
CENTURIONS: Leoben told us we were.

*spits water across screen*

HYBRID: I am going to kidnap you both and make you take a pink bubble bath with me!

Great. Now I have this image in my head.

[tracy.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Well, now that they have higher reasoning capabilities, stands to reason they'll have identity issues too, right? XD

It'd get pretty crowded in there, I bet. ;)

Glad you enjoyed and thank you so much for the comment!

[kraorh.livejournal.com]

Re: Tor. I'm using something called Privoxy, which comes out of the Vidalia bundle. Download it ASAP. Then, it'll work with a Firefox add-on. If you need more info, email me at jasonrwalker at yahoo.com. StupidCensorship.com will also allow you to post stuff, but for some reason it doesn't work with any other component of LJ, like Friends, Comments, etc.

I'll be in Beijing until tomorrow at 6pm. Then, my fiancee and I are hopping a train for Urumqi in Xinjiang Province. We'll be there for most the week, and come back to Beijing for the next weekend. Just in time to download the new BSG episode. I'll be here until June 9th, but my fiancee is looking to meet new friends, and she'll be here until late October.

As for skiing, there, you've got me. I know there skiing exists somewhere in China, since I've seen pictures, but I have no clue where it is. My guess is that a lot of it will be in the north, in the former Manchuria area, like Heilongjong Province?

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Alright, have downloaded Privoxy. Thanks a bunch for the info, I think I'll figure it out.

I'm kind of afraid I'll only have dialup or something where I'm going and won't be able to download the new ep. :( :( We'll see, I guess. Maybe I'll meet up with your fiance, then, does she have an LJ?

Heh, I was just curious, I am a big fan of snowboarding. :)

[mresundance.livejournal.com]

No one calls me ‘Karl’, not even my own wife. Frak this, we’re gonna hang you basestar types out there to dry for a few minutes.

That whole Demetrius being left bit makes a whole lot more sense now. :)

[tracy.livejournal.com]

*G* Everyone has their petty moments, I guess. :P

[rjsteamboat76.livejournal.com]

i haven't laughed this hard in awhile. brilliant! i think i might be in the minority here..but the utter lack of Kara/Lee has been blissful. to me anyway. ok, back to topic. just...fantastically hilarious. =)

[tracy.livejournal.com]

Hahha, I guess if some people love Kara/Lee so much, it stands to reason other people would hate it, huh? I'm glad you enjoyed it, thank you so much for the comment! <3