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tracy_loo_whoLook what I did in class today. I know, I never write (not without ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sexts, anyway), and my ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
hd_holidays fic is long overdue, but this wouldn't leave me alone. Go figure that my first SPN fic would be inspired by Castiel. But now that this is out of the way and I am in a writing mood for the first time in ages, I think I can get some H/D done. :D
Title: The Sins of the Falling
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Rating: R
Word Count: ~1,200
Spoilers: 4.10 - Heaven and Hell
Notes: I blame this comment byrogueslayer452, about wanting fic in which Dean wears Castiel's grace around his neck. :">
Summary: Falling doesn't feel like a sin, not really.
Seven days before Castiel falls, he watches Anna kiss Dean and learns what envy feels like. It startles him, and he quickly looks away as if doing so will curb the envy. It doesn't.
*******
Six days before Castiel falls, Dean mocks him for needing to be saved by a human. Castiel knows he is only lashing out because he is bitter about Anna, but that changes nothing.
"I didn't ask you to save me," he tells Dean. His voice sounds stiff even to his own ears.
"Nor did I."
And Castiel knows he has pride, because it hurts.
*******
Five days before Castiel falls, the pride turns to wrath. This is all Anna's fault -- she stole the boy he walked through Hellfires to save, and she showed him what he could but could not have. Castiel searches Heaven and Earth for her, until his wrath is spent. (He wonders if she's in Hell.)
*******
On the fourth day before Castiel falls, he is exhausted in a bone-deep sort of way, which he finds mildly surprising because he doesn't have any bones, not really. Since Sam is off with the demon, Castiel spends the day watching TV with Dean.
If Dean wants him to leave, he doesn't say. Instead he says, "Well, isn't this homely. What do you want to watch, porn? City of Angels?"
One of Castiel's eyebrows quirk and he glances at this strange, damaged, perfect human. Humor and sarcasm are still a bit new to him. Dean rolls his eyes. "Don't angels ever smile?"
It's such a simple question that it catches Castiel off guard. No, not really, he wants to reply, but Dean has already turned back to the TV.
They don't say much for the rest of the afternoon, but Castiel thinks the silence becomes a companionable one. He decides he kind of likes being slothful.
*******
Three days before Castiel falls, Dean comes back to the motel with pie. "Want some pie?" he asks, unfazed to find Castiel sitting on his bed.
"Pie?" No one has ever offered Castiel pie before. His vessel doesn't need food as long as he is here.
In reply, Dean cuts him a piece and Castiel is so confused he eats it. The way it envelops his senses is glorious, and he thinks he understands why Dean likes eating so much. He asks for more before he realizes how ridiculous it sounds, an angel of the Lord asking a boy for pie.
Dean grins and hands him another piece. "Glutton after my own heart, who'd have thought?"
*******
Two days before Castiel falls, he sees a very drunk Dean grinding against some girl in the alley behind a bar. Dean sees him, too. He pushes the girl away and snarls, "Why the fuck do you keep tailing me, Cas? Is there something you want from me?"
Three things happen, then. Dean's gaze travels down Castiel's human form to settle below the waist with no small amount of surprise, Castiel realizes his vessel has... reacted physically, and the girl hurries back into the bar.
"I see," Dean says, more calmly this time. But there is nothing calm about the way he grabs fistfuls of Castiel's coat and pushes him against the nearest wall. It is cold and hard and grimy, but Castiel does nothing to resist the angry manhandling. He also doesn't resist when Dean deftly undoes his belt buckle and unzips his pants.
"Dean," he begins, but Dean's hand is sliding against his skin now, almost into his underwear. Castiel has never been touched like this before, has never felt a man's hardness press into his thigh, and it makes his breaths come in such shallow pants that he cannot finish his thought, either mentally or verbally.
When Dean speaks again, it comes out gruff and uneven and slurred. "Is this what you want, Cas? Because if it's not, you'd better tell me now." His hand finally slips lower and closes around its target, and Castiel has just enough time for one wide-eyed look into Dean's darkening gaze before his eyes squeeze shut and his hips thrash of their own accord. He doesn't know if this is what he wants, but he understands on some carnal level that it is what he needs, so Castiel gives himself in to Dean's hard, fast strokes.
The orgasm, when it hits, undoes Castiel. The sheer physical sensations are so much more intense than he is prepared for, and they destroy his already-weakened emotional dam. Castiel comes into Dean's hand, shaking silently and curled into him. He clutches at Dean's shirt so tightly it rips, and Castiel thinks his soul would wash away but for the sound of Dean's harsh breaths in his ear and the solid security of Dean's arm as it wraps around his body. In reality Dean is holding only his vessel, but in this moment, Castiel can't tell the difference.
This is what lust feels like, he thinks as Dean ruts against his thigh one last time and comes with a moan.
*******
On the day before Castiel falls, they are naked and their limbs are tangled together. It is that quietest of moments as the first light from the sun begins to soften the darkness, and Dean is asleep on Castiel's chest. As he watches this human -- his human -- Castiel feels close to Dean in a way that he has never even felt close to his Father. (His Father, who he has never looked upon.) He can feel Dean's heart beat, and suddenly none of this is enough. He wants more, because Dean has made him greedy.
*******
It is the day Castiel falls, and it hurts. Not in any physical way that a human can feel, but a pain that tears at and consumes his whole being. Castiel doesn't stop until there is nothing left of him but a body of flesh and an amulet of light on the grass beside him. He has been alone in this body for months now, but it has never felt so tight before, so small. For the first time in his thousands of years of existence Castiel feels panic creeping up on him, because he is lost. What has he done?
He has to walk back to the motel because he has no other means of getting around, and he has to sit on the doorstep because he doesn't have a key.
When Dean steps out of the Impala, Castiel looks up and says, "I don't have wings anymore."
Dean looks surprised and opens his mouth to reply, but nothing comes out. Castiel thinks he can see guilt and wonder and a thousand other emotions flicker over his face before the man (the other man) comes to sit beside him on the doorstep, close enough that their shoulders almost brush. (Almost.) Dean stares at the severed grace held loosely in Castiel's hand for a long while before looking up to meet his eyes. "You won't need them," Dean tells him, and to Castiel it sounds like a promise.
"Will you hold onto this for me?" he asks, even though he already knows the answer. Castiel has always known about love, and now, when Dean nods and hangs the grace around his neck, on top of Sam's necklace, Castiel knows love.
He smiles, finally.
fin.
sexts, anyway), and my hd_holidays fic is long overdue, but this wouldn't leave me alone. Go figure that my first SPN fic would be inspired by Castiel. But now that this is out of the way and I am in a writing mood for the first time in ages, I think I can get some H/D done. :DTitle: The Sins of the Falling
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Rating: R
Word Count: ~1,200
Spoilers: 4.10 - Heaven and Hell
Notes: I blame this comment by
rogueslayer452, about wanting fic in which Dean wears Castiel's grace around his neck. :">Summary: Falling doesn't feel like a sin, not really.
Seven days before Castiel falls, he watches Anna kiss Dean and learns what envy feels like. It startles him, and he quickly looks away as if doing so will curb the envy. It doesn't.
*******
Six days before Castiel falls, Dean mocks him for needing to be saved by a human. Castiel knows he is only lashing out because he is bitter about Anna, but that changes nothing.
"I didn't ask you to save me," he tells Dean. His voice sounds stiff even to his own ears.
"Nor did I."
And Castiel knows he has pride, because it hurts.
*******
Five days before Castiel falls, the pride turns to wrath. This is all Anna's fault -- she stole the boy he walked through Hellfires to save, and she showed him what he could but could not have. Castiel searches Heaven and Earth for her, until his wrath is spent. (He wonders if she's in Hell.)
*******
On the fourth day before Castiel falls, he is exhausted in a bone-deep sort of way, which he finds mildly surprising because he doesn't have any bones, not really. Since Sam is off with the demon, Castiel spends the day watching TV with Dean.
If Dean wants him to leave, he doesn't say. Instead he says, "Well, isn't this homely. What do you want to watch, porn? City of Angels?"
One of Castiel's eyebrows quirk and he glances at this strange, damaged, perfect human. Humor and sarcasm are still a bit new to him. Dean rolls his eyes. "Don't angels ever smile?"
It's such a simple question that it catches Castiel off guard. No, not really, he wants to reply, but Dean has already turned back to the TV.
They don't say much for the rest of the afternoon, but Castiel thinks the silence becomes a companionable one. He decides he kind of likes being slothful.
*******
Three days before Castiel falls, Dean comes back to the motel with pie. "Want some pie?" he asks, unfazed to find Castiel sitting on his bed.
"Pie?" No one has ever offered Castiel pie before. His vessel doesn't need food as long as he is here.
In reply, Dean cuts him a piece and Castiel is so confused he eats it. The way it envelops his senses is glorious, and he thinks he understands why Dean likes eating so much. He asks for more before he realizes how ridiculous it sounds, an angel of the Lord asking a boy for pie.
Dean grins and hands him another piece. "Glutton after my own heart, who'd have thought?"
*******
Two days before Castiel falls, he sees a very drunk Dean grinding against some girl in the alley behind a bar. Dean sees him, too. He pushes the girl away and snarls, "Why the fuck do you keep tailing me, Cas? Is there something you want from me?"
Three things happen, then. Dean's gaze travels down Castiel's human form to settle below the waist with no small amount of surprise, Castiel realizes his vessel has... reacted physically, and the girl hurries back into the bar.
"I see," Dean says, more calmly this time. But there is nothing calm about the way he grabs fistfuls of Castiel's coat and pushes him against the nearest wall. It is cold and hard and grimy, but Castiel does nothing to resist the angry manhandling. He also doesn't resist when Dean deftly undoes his belt buckle and unzips his pants.
"Dean," he begins, but Dean's hand is sliding against his skin now, almost into his underwear. Castiel has never been touched like this before, has never felt a man's hardness press into his thigh, and it makes his breaths come in such shallow pants that he cannot finish his thought, either mentally or verbally.
When Dean speaks again, it comes out gruff and uneven and slurred. "Is this what you want, Cas? Because if it's not, you'd better tell me now." His hand finally slips lower and closes around its target, and Castiel has just enough time for one wide-eyed look into Dean's darkening gaze before his eyes squeeze shut and his hips thrash of their own accord. He doesn't know if this is what he wants, but he understands on some carnal level that it is what he needs, so Castiel gives himself in to Dean's hard, fast strokes.
The orgasm, when it hits, undoes Castiel. The sheer physical sensations are so much more intense than he is prepared for, and they destroy his already-weakened emotional dam. Castiel comes into Dean's hand, shaking silently and curled into him. He clutches at Dean's shirt so tightly it rips, and Castiel thinks his soul would wash away but for the sound of Dean's harsh breaths in his ear and the solid security of Dean's arm as it wraps around his body. In reality Dean is holding only his vessel, but in this moment, Castiel can't tell the difference.
This is what lust feels like, he thinks as Dean ruts against his thigh one last time and comes with a moan.
*******
On the day before Castiel falls, they are naked and their limbs are tangled together. It is that quietest of moments as the first light from the sun begins to soften the darkness, and Dean is asleep on Castiel's chest. As he watches this human -- his human -- Castiel feels close to Dean in a way that he has never even felt close to his Father. (His Father, who he has never looked upon.) He can feel Dean's heart beat, and suddenly none of this is enough. He wants more, because Dean has made him greedy.
*******
It is the day Castiel falls, and it hurts. Not in any physical way that a human can feel, but a pain that tears at and consumes his whole being. Castiel doesn't stop until there is nothing left of him but a body of flesh and an amulet of light on the grass beside him. He has been alone in this body for months now, but it has never felt so tight before, so small. For the first time in his thousands of years of existence Castiel feels panic creeping up on him, because he is lost. What has he done?
He has to walk back to the motel because he has no other means of getting around, and he has to sit on the doorstep because he doesn't have a key.
When Dean steps out of the Impala, Castiel looks up and says, "I don't have wings anymore."
Dean looks surprised and opens his mouth to reply, but nothing comes out. Castiel thinks he can see guilt and wonder and a thousand other emotions flicker over his face before the man (the other man) comes to sit beside him on the doorstep, close enough that their shoulders almost brush. (Almost.) Dean stares at the severed grace held loosely in Castiel's hand for a long while before looking up to meet his eyes. "You won't need them," Dean tells him, and to Castiel it sounds like a promise.
"Will you hold onto this for me?" he asks, even though he already knows the answer. Castiel has always known about love, and now, when Dean nods and hangs the grace around his neck, on top of Sam's necklace, Castiel knows love.
He smiles, finally.
fin.
