tracy_loo_who | Terminus! and the BSG 4x03 Parody.

I'm in Chicago with

sexts! We saw Wicked last night, which was surprisingly awesome. Then we crashed on

mijan's floor since we had nowhere to stay for the night, heh. -.- And more people are here now, HOW EXCITING. Terminus hasn't even begun yet and already we've met so many people. *_*

Anyway, I'm going to try to post one BSG parody per week. Here's this week's, and Cally fans, be advised that I wasn't too nice to her...

OPENING SEQUENCE: Twelve Cylon models, etc. etc.

	ONE: is naked, old, and ungraceful enough to fall out* of a bathtub* FANS: ...We can see now why they wanted an Eight to do last episode's almost-naked dance and not you. BOOMER: What? I think he's sexy. kisses FANS: Thank god there's no screencap of this moment. Seriously, this is worse then Chief/Cally. This is worse than wallaby/Cally.
	CALLY: I have become considerably more crazy since the last time I was on this show. EERIE SPINNING LIGHTS: We helped.
	CHIEF: Finding out I'm a cylon has led me to have both identity and marital crises. TORY: Finding out I'm a cylon has led me to appreciate ambrosia. CHIEF: Do you think I'll figure my life out if I grow a beard? All wise men have beards, after all. I'll even stroke it. CALLY: Baby Nick is the only male willing to get a drink with me at the bar. BABY NICK: As of now, I officially hate you more than Stewie hates Lois. CALLY: Husband drinking with Tory makes me sick. Apparently. It's a good thing they aren't making out, else I'd probably drop dead. And we certainly can't have that happen, can we? TORY: Wheeee, ambrosia!
	ADAMA: reads bedtime story ROSLIN: I'm trying to be patient, but honestly. You better get to the porny part before I die of cancer.
	LEE: I am honored to accept this appointment as the prettiest member of the Quorum and I will work courageously toward maintaining perfect skin. ROSLIN: I resent him secretly and graciously. ZAREK: I cannot stop staring at his nose. QUORUM: We want to know what happened to the Demetrius. ADAMA: Shut up and recycle your own sewage.
	ROSLIN: You know I'm cranky when I lean over chairs like this. ADAMA: Look, I had to get rid of the Demetrius. We can't risk its proximity having adverse effects on Lee's complexion now that he's in the Quorum. Besides, Kara might find Earth or something. ROSLIN: Men can be so dense sometimes. I was only cranky about the lack of bedtime porn.
	KARA: I have developed something of an oral fixation. Perhaps a man would do better than this pencil. GAETA: You wanted to see me, sir?
	SAM: I have also developed an oral fixation in the hopes that Kara will notice. KARA: Helo! Come hither. SAM: When is it going to be my turn? I've been smoking and everything, and I hate cigarettes. KARA: Shut up and do your job. SAM: I've perfected my kicked puppy look since becoming your husband. HELO: goes hither
	CHIEF: I'm not having an affair, I swear! I just like prefer talking to Tory cause her breath doesn't stink. CALLY: :\| CHIEF: Open mouth. Insert foot. BABY NICK: I may look like an innocent infant, but I am secretly calculating the path of least resistance to Cally's untimely demise.
	CENTURION: No one ever told me higher reasoning capabilities would come with OCD. I can't stand blood stains. shudders delicately ONE: Making your pets clean up the mess, are you? NATALIE: Hey, they're the ones who are obsessed with shininess. ONE: Whatever. I've come to apologize for being shot. NATALIE: You can make up for it by giving me two presents for my birthday. I want you to stop lobotomizing the raiders and I want my D'Annas back. ONE: ...The annoying thing about cylons is that they can have birthdays whenever they want.
	LEE: Mommy doesn't have time for me anymore. ZAREK: She's still mad about the Baltar thing. She holds a mean grudge, you know. LEE: I still love her, though. I'm not going to side against her with you. ZAREK: Oh, I know. You have a cute nose. LEE: What? You think so? Aww, now I'm all flustered... ZAREK: Good. Here's some classified dirt on Roslin, take a look. LEE: Sure, whatever you say. trying to look at nose
	CALLY: Can I sleep here? COTTLE: No. CALLY: My husband lands young, gorgeous women and I can't even land an old man who spends all his time with sick people. Wonderful. COTTLE: Martial issues? CALLY: He won't even hit me. COTTLE: I don't think I want to hear about your S&M kinks. Get out. And give me my cigarette back.
	SAM: Is it my turn yet? I love you, you know. KARA: You were never the one I really wanted. SAM: I...still love you. Helplessly and hopelessly. KARA: Then let me use you for sex. SAM: Okay.
	KARA: I feel different now. SAM: Of course you feel different now. Your hair isn't nearly as soft and silky now as it was before you stopped using Pantene Pro-V.
	ONES: You can have your D'Annas back, but not Daddy's love. EIGHTS: But we like being Daddy's little girls... NATALIE: Pffft. You guys stay here with me before you do something stupid. Like join Boomer in a massive Ones/Eights orgy.
	QUORUM: We want to know what happened to the Demetrius. ROSLIN: Shut up and recycle your own sewage. LEE: Yeah, leave my mommy alone. ROSLIN: I hardly require a wet-behind-the-ears kid to back me up, Lee. LEE: Hmph. Fine, then. I have evidence that you're trying to take over the world. How do you like that? ROSLIN: ...I resent you secretly and graciously.
	ONE: They started it first. bombs Natalie & co. BOOMER: That's sort of childish. ONE: Oh hush. You're just upset we won't get to have a massive Ones/Eights orgy.
	BABY NICK: Come closer, let me smash your head in with this toy... CALLY: finds note Not now, sweetie, I have to go catch my husband cheating on me. BABY NICK: Damn. Thwarted again.
	CALLY: So not only is my husband cheating on me with Tory, he's cheating on me with Tory and Tigh? ...Can't miss the show! crawls into wall TIGH: Did you get my note? CHIEF: You left me a note? Aww... But no, I didn't get it. Maybe Cally did? TIGH: Then let me just state, for the record, that you are a cylon. CALLY: This is so not what I came to see. leaves immediately and loudly, and then leaves part of the wall open on the way out TORY: Why am I the only one who notices that things are amiss?
	CHIEF: You're important and the baby's important and I'm going to try to be a family guy from now on, okay? CALLY: clobbers CHIEF: ...This is what I get for trying to be romantic, eh? BABY NICK: Let's go to the launch tube, mommy! CALLY: Okay.
	CALLY: Here, we're at the launch tube, sweetie. BABY NICK: Oh shit. It appears I've made an error in my calculations. How am I going to get out? TORY: Hi. I know we're cylons, but we're not evil or inhuman. BABY NICK: But you could be. TORY: Well, if you insist. flushes Cally out launch tube BABY NICK: Victory is mine! Goodbye, Cally. Bwahahhahahha!
	CHIEF: Would it be inappropriate to giggle in front of the admiral while he tells me my wife is dead?