BSG 4x02 Parody

[tracy_loo_who]

OPENING SEQUENCE: Twelve Cylon models, etc. etc.

	TIGH: This is a very manly procession we have going on here, isn't it? HELO: <.< TIGH: What? I just watched 300, okay? Gerard Butler had a manly procession. FANS: ...And leather briefs and an eight-pack...and two eyes... HELO: <.<
	KARA: *long, passionate speech about Earth, trust, and family* I bet you won't shoot me now. ROSLIN: But you've forgotten something crucial. I'm not a morning person. *shoots* KARA: ...If Colonel Tigh lost his left eye too, he'd still be a better shot than you. TIGH: What is it with people making cracks about my eye today? Sic her, Manly Procession. MANLY PROCESSION: *sics* KARA: GET OFF OF ME. I'M LOSING IT! EVERYONE: We know. KARA: THE FEELING, I MEAN. I'M LOSING THE FEELING! WE'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY. TIGH: Maybe, but you still deserve the brig for that eye comment. KARA: *MENSTRUATES VIOLENTLY*
	EIGHT: *almost-naked dance* ONE: *pervs* FANS: *eyebrow* ANGELI: We're submitting this episode for Emmy consideration, what can I say?
	NATALIE, LEOBEN, AND EIGHT: We heart the Final Five and the humans have them. ONE: Blasphemy! Go take a cleansing walk before you threaten our survival. Oh, and Eights have nice breasts. Just in case anyone missed it. NATALIE, LEOBEN, AND EIGHT: Let's discover our place in the universe! ONE: That finishing-each-other's-sentences trick is clever, but I shan't be swayed.
	CHIEF: *is late* TIGH: You're late. You look terrible. CHIEF: I've been trying to seduce Baltar. TIGH: Amateur. Show him how it's done, Tory. He'd poke a skinjob. TORY: ...
	ADAMA: Wtf? KARA: Earth got into my pores. Plus, I'm menstruating. See, this is my menstruating face. ADAMA: Yeah, but you screwed me over. KARA: Cause we're GOING THE WRONG WAY. FANS: Keep going, you'll be just like capslock!Harry.
	ONE: Results are in. Boomer voted against the rest of the Eights, so we get to lobotomize the raiders. NATALIE: How is that possible? BOOMER: Having a right ear that glows with angelic light makes many things possible.
	ANGELI: Remember that Emmy thing I was talking about? RACETRACK: *strips*
	HELO: Maybe if we have some ambrosia we'll forget how ugly your sweater is. Or it'll slip off your shoulder, or something. LEE: But every shot of this stuff brings me closer to brooding over Kara... SAM: Not me, I love this party. Wheeee!
	TORY: Roslin didn't send me; I came here on my own cause there's this bug in my cup, see... BALTAR: And I slept with your boss last night. FANS: Actually she's telling a half-truth, so... HEAD!BALTAR: Hi Gaius. BALTAR: Am I going crazy? TORY: Yes. Yes, you are. Sit here while I make a hasty exit.
	BALTAR: Six? Is that you? HEAD!BALTAR: Yes, I'm the new and improved copy. I come with darker hair and male parts. BALTAR: Ah, yes, I see the resemblance now. HEAD!BALTAR: Oh, shut up and think about Tory. BALTAR: I like her, don't I? HEAD!BALTAR: Yes, you do.
	ADAMA: What if she's telling the truth? ROSLIN: Pffft. You're just scared to lose her cause I'm dying and your son's leaving. ADAMA: No one's going anywhere. ROSLIN: ...lol. ADAMA: Don't laugh at me. You're the one who's scared to die alone. ROSLIN: Actually I'm more upset about my beautiful hair. It's falling out. This is cause for weepage.
	LEE: I have a destiny! KARA: Does this mean no more passionate brig!sex? LEE: 'Fraid so. KARA: I hate when destinies get in the way of passionate brig!sex. LEE: Yeah, but it's a good excuse to have passionate goodbye!sex. FANS: How come we only get to see the kissy part?
	TIGH: You've served us loyally and faithfully. Except when you didn't. But we still want to honor you. LEE: It's a good thing I'm worn out, else this emotional goodbye would make me weepy and that wouldn't be very good for my complexion, now would it? EVERYONE: *claps and cheers* SAM: *murderous glare*
	NATALIE: Stop lobotomizing the raiders. ONE: Nah. NATALIE: Well, you can't say I didn't ask nicely. Centurions! CENTURIONS: We are big, sleek, and shiny. And we like Natalie better cause Sixes are sexy.
	BALTAR: *fraks* TORY: *cries* BALTAR: That bad? :| TORY: My legs don't bend that way. BALTAR: Cylons seem to like it... TORY: Oh? Tell me about the cylons, why don't you?
	ONE: Wtf? NATALIE: My pets > your pets. FOURS AND FIVES: We're not his pets. NATALIE: Perhaps not, but you are about to die. CENTURIONS: Check out our big, sleek guns, Natalie...
	KARA: *still menstruating* ADAMA: Man, I gotta get her out of here before she floods my brig with blood.
	HELO: Cuff her. KARA: This is hardly the right time, Helo. HELO: Just kidding, relax. I'm taking you to Adama. ADAMA: How would you like a sewage recycling ship of your very own? KARA: Omg Ilu. Adamas are the best. *clings* ADAMA: *eyeroll* Blood. Uniform. Ugh.

The end.

Lately I've discovered I can't view answers to any LJ polls. It always just says (No answers) when I click on "View Answers". At first I thought it was just a temporary LJ error, but it's been a week and I still have that problem. Does anyone else get this and/or know what's going on? :|