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English fail 2011 <3
Jan. 2nd, 2012 05:07 pmSpent the weekend at a friend's vacation house in Ericeira, a little town on the beach an hour or so north of Lisbon.
I rang in the new year laughing violently about cows. This is a conversation to preserve in my LJ forever:
Friend, who is Portuguese: I'm so jealous you're going to India! I've always wanted to go to India, it's a huge dream of mine.
Me: Yeah? Why India?
Friend: The cows!
Me: Huh?
Friend: The cows!
Me: The cows...?
Friend: Yes! The cows. I love cows.
Me: ...Okay... yeah, I guess there are a lot of those in India...
Friend (with great enthusiasm and conviction): Exactly. I don't have any cows in my life, so when I'm on vacation I like to see cows.
Me: ...
Friend: Just during vacations, though. In the summer. I wouldn't want cows the rest of the year.
Me: ...
Friend: ?
Me: But why cows?
Friend (very earnestly): I don't know, I just love cows!
Me: Right. Okay, great.
Friend: It's like when I was in Palermo, cows everywhere! We only felt safe in two streets, but it was great, all the cows.
Me: Wtf. Admittedly I have never been to southern Italy but Palermo is a big city, I'm pretty sure it's not overrun by cows? Everywhere but two streets?
Friend: Really, Palermo is full of cows in the streets! There's no organization.
Other friend, who had been listening with equal bewilderment until this point: OH I KNOW WHAT SHE IS TRYING TO SAY. CHAOS.
Me: OH. OH MY GOD I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING NOW.
Friend: Yes, cows...?
Me: CHA-OS. Cows are the animal! Vacas! Vacas everywhere in Palermo!
Friend: OMG. NO WONDER YOU KEPT GIVING ME SUCH WEIRD LOOKS.
We laughed for like twenty minutes straight, well into the new year, it was amazing. Most hilarious English fail of the year. Second most hilarious was the time a girl from Colombia was concerned about a baby and wanted to suggest we wrap it in a shawl. What came out was a casual, "hey btw, should we rape this baby?" Uh NO I can think of a few better things to do with my Sunday afternoon, thank you, where did this idea come from? Wtf? Third most hilarious was Chinese people painting Portuguese flags. There are supposed to be tiny castles on it and I guess they were told to paint "mosques", but instead they painted a bunch of mosquitoes on all the flags, lololol. We were so confused, like, WHY ARE THERE MOSQUITOES ON THE FLAG OF PORTUGAL?
There were so many more great moments, like the time a friend kept telling me about this huge, scary, furry bird, until I realized he was talking about a bear. And "I prefer cake with much density about chocolate." The same guy had never seen a tampon before we found some in a store and tried to convey this to me by saying, "I am meeting with the tampon."
Anyway yes, that was 2011. Here's to spending more quality time with non-native English speakers in 2012! :D
What did you all do? I hope everyone had an excellent new year!
ETA: HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN THIS GEM, a Brazilian friend once said, "I prefer this [packet of olive oil], it comes more!"
I rang in the new year laughing violently about cows. This is a conversation to preserve in my LJ forever:
Friend, who is Portuguese: I'm so jealous you're going to India! I've always wanted to go to India, it's a huge dream of mine.
Me: Yeah? Why India?
Friend: The cows!
Me: Huh?
Friend: The cows!
Me: The cows...?
Friend: Yes! The cows. I love cows.
Me: ...Okay... yeah, I guess there are a lot of those in India...
Friend (with great enthusiasm and conviction): Exactly. I don't have any cows in my life, so when I'm on vacation I like to see cows.
Me: ...
Friend: Just during vacations, though. In the summer. I wouldn't want cows the rest of the year.
Me: ...
Friend: ?
Me: But why cows?
Friend (very earnestly): I don't know, I just love cows!
Me: Right. Okay, great.
Friend: It's like when I was in Palermo, cows everywhere! We only felt safe in two streets, but it was great, all the cows.
Me: Wtf. Admittedly I have never been to southern Italy but Palermo is a big city, I'm pretty sure it's not overrun by cows? Everywhere but two streets?
Friend: Really, Palermo is full of cows in the streets! There's no organization.
Other friend, who had been listening with equal bewilderment until this point: OH I KNOW WHAT SHE IS TRYING TO SAY. CHAOS.
Me: OH. OH MY GOD I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING NOW.
Friend: Yes, cows...?
Me: CHA-OS. Cows are the animal! Vacas! Vacas everywhere in Palermo!
Friend: OMG. NO WONDER YOU KEPT GIVING ME SUCH WEIRD LOOKS.
We laughed for like twenty minutes straight, well into the new year, it was amazing. Most hilarious English fail of the year. Second most hilarious was the time a girl from Colombia was concerned about a baby and wanted to suggest we wrap it in a shawl. What came out was a casual, "hey btw, should we rape this baby?" Uh NO I can think of a few better things to do with my Sunday afternoon, thank you, where did this idea come from? Wtf? Third most hilarious was Chinese people painting Portuguese flags. There are supposed to be tiny castles on it and I guess they were told to paint "mosques", but instead they painted a bunch of mosquitoes on all the flags, lololol. We were so confused, like, WHY ARE THERE MOSQUITOES ON THE FLAG OF PORTUGAL?
There were so many more great moments, like the time a friend kept telling me about this huge, scary, furry bird, until I realized he was talking about a bear. And "I prefer cake with much density about chocolate." The same guy had never seen a tampon before we found some in a store and tried to convey this to me by saying, "I am meeting with the tampon."
Anyway yes, that was 2011. Here's to spending more quality time with non-native English speakers in 2012! :D
What did you all do? I hope everyone had an excellent new year!
ETA: HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN THIS GEM, a Brazilian friend once said, "I prefer this [packet of olive oil], it comes more!"
